Spectacle!
by clown eyes
Summary: Yaoi. Narucentric, and weird. I just went through a lot of crap reorganizing chapters because I realized I left out a few unfinished ones, so you may want to reread from chapter 10. I am so sorry about that...
1. Two Eyes Are Better Than Four

Well, the yaoi story you've all been waiting for...except the many people waiting for a hetero fic, according to my reviews from last time...inspired by my new glasses, which I don't usually wear. I have chapters 2 and 3 written, and they're about the same length of this one, probably a few pages more, and chapter 4's a loooooot longer. Fifteen pages, no notes so far, and I'm only half way. I probably won't post chapter 2 until that's finished, and you shouldn't get used to super long chapters from me, cuz I had the luck to get the super-duper-hard honors english teacher, have an a.p. course, and various other honors courses. Woooot.

**WARNINGS:** **Yaoi, Lots of Naru/other people pairings.** Probably no more than lime. Cause I don't want to run the risk of this getting reported by looks around tattlers... And **Angst** with basically everyone, and Sakura's gonna be a bitch. It's not because I don't like her (I don't) but, I don't like that she cut off her friendship with Ino over a boy. (Even if during the chuunin exams they had this little kunoichi-respect-thing going on.)

**ALSO, REVIEW, EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO TELL ME YOU LIKE OR HATE IT. ALTHOUGH CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS ENCOURAGED. **

Disclaimer: (I always think disclaimers are hilarious) I don't think that Kishimoto-san would write fanfiction for his own manga. He would just make whatever he wanted to happen, happen.

Two Eyes Are Better Than Four

When he first opened his eyes in the mornings, everything was more beautiful than it would be when he fully awoke and embraced his responsibilities.

Everything was slightly blurred, although he could see most everything but the finest grains and details coating the walls, furniture, and everyday appliances. It was dreamlike, where grayish colors seemed vibrant and natural while the brightest of colors appeared distasteful.

But when he awoke, he had to get up, and ready himself for school.

Meaning, he had to put his contacts in. Nasty little things.

It was like putting a film over his mind, where the colors of every-day-ness became nauseatingly bright and annoying, and he could pick out every ugly little detail about anything he chose to observe. And even though the ugliness was achingly real to him, it lent a surreal quality to everything. Like in a dream where you're uncoordinated and dizzy and every step you take you feel like you'll fall down or when you run like you're running through water.

It made him feel like he was herded through life like a casual observer forced to forever participate. You can't escape, you can't run, you can't shut your eyes to forget that their abhorrence for you is seeping out of their pores.

He hated being able to see so clearly, because ignorance is bliss.

But even though he was loath to put the contacts in, he did it anyway, because his guardian Iruka insisted he go to school, because education was very important. And even though he could see well enough to fend off the people who didn't like him, he couldn't see well enough to decipher the words on the whiteboard, because the teacher always made him sit in the back.

Every morning, he had to look at his bright shock of blonde hair, even if he didn't want to. He just didn't feel whole without staring at it a few minutes until he felt the glaring ache of a start of a migraine in the back of his eyes. Well, he supposed that meant he was a masochist, a little bit.

That was why he always made sure to wear orange, even if it was only a little bit, just to occupy himself and his tendencies.

Because he just couldn't bring himself to start cutting, after all Iruka had done for him. And after all Iruka had been through, as he could relate. Not that, he wanted to, cut himself, anyway. He preferred getting other people to do the major damage for him.

"Naruto, brush your hair, this one time, _please_"

Well, hell. Maybe he liked having the world's worst case of bed head.

"O-kay, Iruka-kun!"

Like he could ignore it when Iruka asked in that voice.

"I want you to make a good impression at your new school. A fresh start, you know?"

"Yep"

"Just...watch out...it worries me when you get in fights. I know you don't start them but– Well, just be careful, 'cos it costs a lot to patch you up!"

Bah. Like money was an issue in Iruka's filthy-rich family. And his body patched itself up just fine, thank you very much. The closest things he had to scars were the birthmarks on his face.

"Well, what are you still laying there for? Get up and get ready for your first day of school!"

Yeah, Iruka _sounded_ peppy and excited, but he knew that Iruka was apprehensive and worried.

Iruka always bustled and blustered more (than usual) when he was worried. But he would do anything for Iruka, that first person to accept him.

So, it came as no surprise to himself when he rolled off of the bed, and, continuing the fluid motion, nabbed some clothes from his dresser. He paused, checked to make sure his clothes didn't clash,(orange and orange was a little over the top), and dressed. Yay. Hurrah. Woot. Go randomness, you picked out a black sweater and black jeans. Now for that snip of orange... just like Halloween. It was November, Halloween was barely past, not that anyone would care anyway. Not about the orange-ness, anyway. Maybe they would care that part of his orange quota for today involved a ribbon for his neck, though. (The other kids had called him gay...they had never done that to the people who actually were, though.)

After pulling his orange (what a surprise!) hi-tops out of the closet, he lugged the pile to the bathroom and proceeded with his standard routine. Much to Iruka's pleasure, he tugged a comb through his hair a few times. No result. Naruto wet the comb. Tugged it through his hair again. Nope. Dumped his entire head under the faucet. Ah, now we were getting somewhere. But...with his hair trained down, he looked almost like a girl. That was what other people said.

No one in particular, just...people.

"NARUTOOOO! Stop being slow and come eat!" Iruka all but howled.

"Hai, Hai." Naruto muttered and scuffed his way into the kitchen. Where Iruka stared at him. For several long moments.

"What?"

"...? Why are you wearing that?"

Naruto looked down. "You mean my _clothes_? Well, you see, I wear clothes because people who don't, get arrested for indecent exposure–"

"But... you have a uniform..." Iruka hedged.

"Ahhm...oh...shit..."

"Watch your mouth! And go change!" Naruto stood in the same place and position.

"Do I even _have_ a uniform for this school?"

Iruka sighed. "Yes, it's in your closet, where I told you I put it." _Dear God, how could he forget that? Selective memory?_ "Go on"

Naruto tramped back to his room. _This uniform had better not be a pink jumpsuit._ (A.N. nyaa, kurama!) He slid open the door apprehensively and began to sift through its contents. _Ah, this must be it. _

Well, it had to be. He never kept old school uniforms, (he burned them), and he wasn't in the habit of wearing button-down shirts. Usually. After Iruka made him were those kinds of shirts (for boring family stuff), he burned them too. Plus, the pants were way to dressy for him to have bought on his own. Though in all honesty, the uniform wasn't that bad. The jacket and pants were navy, so they weren't too hard on his eyes. And, hey, he liked blazers. He wore them. They were cool. Right. And it wasn't like he cared how the color compared with his orange shoes. Which he loved too much to part with. He would have to change them at the school anyway. So, all in all, Naruto didn't have all that much to complain about, even though he thought he would anyhow.

"I-ruuu-kaaa! It's ITCHY!"

_Maybe I can get this uniform in black..._

"No, it's not."

_Most schools have uniforms in more than one color as long as they're similar-_

"Yeeeees, it iiiiiiissss!"

_And have the same emblem. Shit like that. _

"NO, it is NOT."

_Even if they don't, I'm sure I could bribe them into looking the other way-_

"But Iruuuukaaa..."

'_Cos no one here cares about where I come from._

"Just wear the goddamn uniform!"

_It's a fresh start. Even if everything's still ugly._

"Ooh, Iruka-kun's getting feisty!"

"..." Naruto grinned. It was so easy to make his brother blush. (Though in all honesty, Iruka-kun wasn't his foster brother. He was his adoptive father.) But he finished donning the uniform anyway (it wasn't itchy in the slightest) and set to tying his shoes and fixing his ribbon about his neck. He couldn't go out without it, his head might fall off! **(1)**

Soon after, he walked out, ate his highly nutritious breakfast, (courtesy of Iruka's mother hen complex), put his bento in his schoolbag with other school necessities, and dashed out the door and down the stairs to the car so Iruka could drive him to school.

-

"..." Sasuke silently grumbled. He was having a _bad _day. As in, really bad. Really, really bad. He hated, hated, hated his foster father. And that thrice-damned eye doctor. Who the hell takes their charge to the eye doctor in late October? Wasn't that kind of thing reserved for the month before school? He honestly, seriously detested the pair of them. Well, not really. Neither seemed to pity him or hit on him. But that most definitely did not mean that he could not be extremely irritated with the two of them. Sighing inwardly so that he would not attract anymore attention than usual, he pushed his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose from where they had fallen.

The Last Week of October:

"_I am sorry to have to inform you, Uchiha-san, but you will need glasses. Or contacts; either way, your vision is deteriorating, and it will get worse if you don't wear something to correct the problem." Doctor Kabuto smiled grimly. Dammit. It would figure that his deceased family wouldn't leave him alone. Though Kabuto-san didn't know it, (or at least he was very good at hiding it), the Uchiha family had been notorious for their history of astigmatisms, and they were known for utilizing assistance such as spectacles, or glasses, whichever you like, and in the past decade, (at least before they were murdered), contacts. _

_Sasuke twitched. This was ridiculous. This was typical of his controlling family; coming back to bite him in the ass. _

_His guardian, however, decided to step in. "Don't worry about it, I'll make sure this problem doesn't go unchecked!" Kakashi saluted. "Just give me the prescription and I'll have it under control!"_

_After the pair had left the office, Sasuke had rounded on Kakashi. "You're certainly happy about this."_

_The eccentric lawyer blinked innocently behind his sunglasses. (Well, there's no other way to describe his wearing a mask in his field of work.) "Why, Sasuke-chan," (Sasuke growled at that point) "whatever are you talking about? I'm just excited about getting your new glasses!"_

_That gave Sasuke pause. "Glasses?"_

"_But of course! I think we'll save contacts for when you're more responsible." Sasuke rolled his eyes. He was more responsible than his so-called guardian! Kakashi winked. "Besides, aren't you just a little bit curious about the effect it'll have on your fan club?"_

Present Day Again!

No, Sasuke was definitely not curious about those freaks. Not even the more normal ones that decided to chance talking to him instead of looking and staring at him with lust and awe.

"Sasuke-kun, you got glasses!"

Sasuke stiffened. _Crap!_ _And, no shit Sherlock, too!_

"Well, don't feel bad, they accentuate your good looks instead of detracting from them." Sakura continued flirtaciously, trying to impress him with her larger-words-than-normal-like-her-forehead-vocabulary. "That happens to some people, you know." She giggled in a manner that, had it been directed at anyone but him, would have been enticing.

How the hell did she manage to walk around with cotton-candy pink hair and still come off as preppy?

"Big-forehead, you're only going to make him feel bad by drawing attention to it. Besides, why would he care about what _you_ think? Even though, she is right." Well, fuck him, it was Yamanaka Ino, the other kinda-normal-girl, if you could call someone who constantly followed him around normal.

"Still dressing like a whore, I see, Ino-_pig_, but doesn't that short skirt of yours make you feel a tad bit insecure?" Ino responded instantly to the jibe.

"Just what are you implying?" Ino looked like she might cry if she didn't have as strong control of her emotions as she did. So she covered it up with a heated glare.

"Are you stupid, too? Can't you figure it out?" Ino's facial muscles tightened and her entire body tensed.

"Ah, aah. Sasuke-kun." Ino nodded goodbye to Sasuke stiffly. With that, she stalked away rapidly. _Probably to cry somewhere,_ Sasuke mused. Well, Sakura had been really harsh. He inwardly felt guilty; when they were all younger, the two had been best friends. Oh well. He couldn't do anything, because comforting her or insulting Sakura would give Ino and the other girls false hope, something he wasn't willing to do.

Sasuke took advantage of their distraction and loped off to his locker, and then off to his classroom, not quite deep in thought, but habitually ignoring the goings-on around him.

To Be ContinuedDun, dun, DUN.

Ah, please review. Really, you don't even have to sign in. And I have awesome disclaimers! You know you should review for that. It just makes me feel appreciated. Don't just wait around for the other chapters already written, cuz those might not be out for a while. Doing that is a pet peeve of mine, like the mom's who take their kids in public restrooms and don't watch them so they look under the walls. In Ireland, the stalls go down to far for that. Maybe I should move there, so I won't be afraid of the public bathrooms. (Freaked out, aren't you.)

1. There's this story about a girl who got married, and she had this green ribbon tied around her neck, and her husband had her take it off because he was curious, and her head fell off. I love that story. Huh, I was morbid even when I was five, how curious...

And sorry, again, if you liked Sakura and are upset at her bitchiness. It couldn't be helped. Right now, I feel more pity for Ino.


	2. You Look Like a Nerd With Those

Chapter Two...are you apprehensive? Excited? Wondering why I talk so much before and after the fanfic? Well, too fucking bad. Lousy readers who don't review get stuck with my blathering. I feel...so alone right now... Hopefully I'm not so annoying that no one WANTS to review, so I'll apologize. Sorry.

Disclaimer: (breathes in)ho god, (breathes in)ho god, (breathes in) ho god, wait,...,wait for it...I'm gonna think of something real funny...ok, The reason I don't own Naruto is because slavery isn't allowed in the U. S. Eh? Eh? Come on, you know that was funny. Maybe not. But it's so stupid I was laughing when Ityped it.

You Look Like A Nerd With Those Glasses On, Sasuke. (Chapter Two)

Sasuke was...dreaming. A cat nap, before class start. But make no mistake, he was also fully alert for any sly and groping hands.

Earlier that morning:

"_So, Sasuke, you're first day of school with your new glasses. How do you feel?" Kakashi walked over and stood behind Sasuke, who was observing himself in the full-length mirror of his closet door._

"_I look like a nerd." He responded flatly. _

"_...Yeah, you look like some Richy-Rich kid in that uniform with those on," Kakashi gasped between snorts of laughter. "NO! You look like an _extremely_ anal accountant! The look on you're face! 'I'm sorry, Takada-san, you owe two million yen in taxes and you can't afford to have your cat receive the necessary shots, so you'll have to get rid of that, too.' 'Bu-but' 'And you'll have to sell your late husbands house, as well' Bwaa-ha-ha!" Kakashi was so enthusiastic that he dropped the perverted book he never seemed to finish, despite reading it all hours of the day, even during work. _

"_Well at least you're amused."_

_Kakashi only collapsed into convulsions of laughter again._

Present:

Sasuke was brought out of his reverie by the arrival of the first period teacher.

-

Iruka fidgeted before adjusting Naruto's tie one last time before allowing the blonde to exit the car.

"Don't be so nervous, Iruka. It's just school. What could possibly happen?" Naruto rolled his eyes at his brother's antics. "But keep in mind, Iruka-kun, that you owe me lots an' lots of ramen!" Naruto had had a fixed fascination with the stuff ever since he had first met Iruka when he was young and the older man (in reality, Iruka was only a teenager) had taken him off the streets to buy him dinner at a ramen stand.

"I'm not nervous!"

"Riiiiight."

"I'm not!"

"Stop babying me, we have to go in soon so I can get verified and get my class information. I'll probably be late as it is."

"Since when were you a stickler for the time," Iruka muttered under his breath, but agreed and began the walk towards the school office.

-

"Umino Naruto, son of Umino Iruka?" The elderly secretary squinted at the two of them. Umino Iruka-san looked a little young to have a son in his teens..._Shit._ The old lady mentally cursed in an un-old-lady-like fashion. She was _not_ going to enjoy receiving all the calls from protesting parents.

"Yes, Kino-san, that is correct."

"Oh, yes...your schedule, here. You're homeroom is A-203. If you just take the stairs to the right of the office, you'll be on the correct floor, and A-203 is a few doors to the right. Don't worry if you're not sure, they're all labeled. If you have any questions you can just ask your teacher or a classmate. Have a nice day, Umino-san."

"You too, Kino-san." Iruka and Naruto bowed and left the office. "You're sure you'll be okay?"

"Yes, Iruka-kun, I'll be fine. Now, go do whatever you do all day and stop worrying, it'll give you wrinkles! Ja!"

_What _does_ Iruka do all day?_

"OOOOoooh, you-" But it was too late, because Naruto had already sprinted through the double doors that lead to the stairs.

"Oh well." Iruka sighed and left without finishing his sentence. Because, after all, Naruto didn't really need to know what Iruka did when he wasn't working.

-

_There was really, _Ino thought,_ no need for Sakura to be such a bitch. _

Sakura had always been a little cold to Ino, or at least since middle school. When she decided that she liked Sasuke. Ino had first, of course. And she had known before Sakura knew that she knew, that Sakura had a crush on the Uchiha. Since Sakura had confronted Ino about it, however, the two best friends had been at odds.

Today, however, had brought that competition for Sasuke to another level. Before, Sakura would call Ino a pig, and Ino big-forehead. But, at least on Ino's side, the names hadn't meant anything. Ino had considered their fights a friendly rivalry. Now, however, Sakura had outright called Ino a whore, and a pig. In front of the Uchiha. Something Sakura had never done before.

And now Ino felt wronged. She was as faithful to Sasuke as Sakura was. And it most certainly wasn't her fault that she was just a _smidge_ taller than the other girls, so her uniform skirt was barely two centimeters shorter than some of the girls'. God knows others were worse. And that crack about being a pig! She was thinner, and had a larger rack than that bitch!

Nevertheless, Sakura's biting words had driven Ino to the stairwell by the office where no one ever went, to cry and vent her frustrations.

But what had hurt the most was not Sakura's words, but the implication that some boy was more important than their friendship.

-

_There is no you, there is only me, there is no you, there is only me, _Naruto hummed and noted the vending machines in the stairwell. _There is no fucking you! There is only me, There is no fu-_ Hold that thought. "Are you all right?"

For Naruto had spotted a girl huddled between the wall and the vending machine that sold water bottles. It was by chance, really, since if the girl's hair had been black or brown instead of blonde, he would never have noticed her sitting there.

The girl sniffled in response. Naruto walked over to where she was and squatted. "Are you hiding?"

"No!" the girl said vehemently and defensively at the same time. "I'm just not ready to go to class yet."

"Right" Naruto squinted suspiciously. "Hey...have you been crying? What's wrong?"

"Ugh. NO. I was not." She had not been crying. Most definitely not.

"Oh." apparently the boy had decided not to pressure her on the matter. "Well, hi! I'm Umino Naruto! I'm new here! Who're you?"

"Yamanaka Ino. Nice to meet you." It was. Most people in Konoha, or at least this stuck-up school, would ignore her and gossip about her later.

Standing, Ino fluttered her hands at her skirt to remove any dust from the floor. "We should get going, Umino-san. We're both late." Ino smiled. "What class are you in?"

_Crap! I'm late for class!_ "Uh, um, A-203."

_Weird..._ "Me too, hehe, he."

"Haha, that's kinda weird, haha," Naruto laughed. Or maybe it was more of a high-pitched giggle.

"Come on, I'll show you there, then."

-

Sasuke was lightly dozing. It was not befitting of an Uchiha to snore or drool or engage in something like 'slumber' during school hours. Or in school, just for a peek at how he was raised. And since he was dozing _lightly_, he snapped to attention quite quickly when someone rapped smartly on Asuma-sensei's door.

"Ino-san, you're late."Asuma said reprovingly. "That's not like you."

"I'm very sorry, Asuma-sensei, it won't happen again." Ino bowed apologetically. Asuma-sensei observed her tear-stained face, ascertained that she had been crying, and sent her to her seat without punishment. Sasuke thought that Asuma-sensei was wishy-washy. And wimpy.

"And you are...?"

Into the room stepped what was possibly the cutest girl that most of the boys in the room had ever seen. Unfortunately, the 'cutest girl' was not a girl at all. Just a short, fine-boned, insanely skinny boy, as became apparent when...

"I'm Umino Naruto, the new student."

"Yes, I was told about you." Naruto imperceptibly tensed. "You're also late."

"Ahh, yes, sorry about that, I had to...help out a friend." he winked at Ino, who giggled quietly. "I promise to never be late for your class again...er..."

"You may address me as Asuma-sensei, Naruto-san."

Naruto laughed. "I promise never to be late for your class again, Asuma-sensei," he said jokingly. _Cm'on, if I were any sweeter I'd have cavities! Let me sit DOWN!_

"That's very good, Naruto-san. You can sit next to... Sasuke-san." Asuma-sensei rumbled a laugh and asked Sasuke to raise his hand. Sasuke did. It was not befitting of an Uchiha to defy his sensei's orders and make a scene.

Naruto raised his eyebrows before making his way towards said boy. _It must be that Sasuke, the one Ino-san and Sakura-san were fighting about. _

Sasuke sat in the back row, on the side closest to the wall. Asuma had set him there to keep him from distracting all the girls (and some of the boys) during class.

Naruto walked to the desk and set his book bag on it before sitting down and taking out a notebook. Asuma-sensei was lecturing about Japanese history, and a period Naruto had already learned about, at that, so he felt it was alright to spend the rest of the class sorting out the people into groups: the people he would avoid like the plague, and the people he would avoid like the chicken pox. (A.N. Lets just say that Naruto already had the chicken pox, so he would avoid them, but not as much)

_Hmm...those two look all right...they can go in the pox box...eww, he's playing with a...beee, hoshit! Ack! Plague! Plague! Just as long as it stays over there. Ugh. Moving on, she has pink hair, pink is such and ugly color, plague, that guy with the face paint and the contacts looks alright, pox box he is, and Ino, my first acquaintance, you shall be endowed with the honor of the chicken pox box. Eww, he has eyebrows...really thick ones...hey, his uniform is green and orange! Alright, now they have to let me wear a black one! _Naruto glanced at Sasuke surreptiously._ Hn. He's quiet. But he's a plaguer. He probably thinks he's so cool, sitting there like no one else matters. Arrogant prick, I bet. That girl over there looks pretty normal. Hmm, good aim, too. I'm not gonna piss her off. Pox, plague, pox, plague, plague, plague, plague, jesus, what's with these people, plague, pox, pox, plague, pox, plague. Hn. These people are boring. At least maybe they'll leave me alone. Not like the others._

Every single one of them was hideous. So judgmental. So opinionated. So blind. Like a flock of sheep. They just bleated the same thing over and over and did what their herder told them to until one was stupider than normal and got lost and scared so it had to be chased around until it was herded back into the flock or it got hit by some passing car on the road because it was too stupid to move out of the way. THEY ALL THOUGHT THEY WERE DIFFERENT but they were all the same. THEY WERE all unique in the exact SAME WAY. Bloody sheep oozing at the backs of their necks bleating helplessly and-

No. Thinking about that was not good. Not here. That would only depress him more than normal, something he didn't need with the pressure of a new school weighing down on him. Then the bell rang.

Naruto turned to Sasuke. "Hey, can I borrow your-"

"Hey, you name's Umino-san, isn't it?"

"Er..."

"Why do you have a choker on?

"Do you play any instruments?"

"Sports?"

"Hey, Naruto-san!"

Naruto felt a hand tugging on his arm, and was momentarily thankful that he had only taken out one notebook, and had put it back away soon after. He allowed the tug to pull him up out of his seat and out of the crowd of curious students. (Most were boys, as most of the girls were more preoccupied with Sasuke.)

After Ino had safely pulled Naruto out of the mass, she whispered, "Come with me"

And before the class knew it, the new student had been whisked out of their midst by one of their own.

-

"Whew. Thanks for getting me out of there, Yamanaka-san." Naruto thanked the girl profusely.

"You can just call me Ino. And, it was nothing. Just helping out a new student." Ino scanned the courtyard (the school's puffed up name for the lawn) and selected a tree void of students. "Come on, we can eat over there."

"Ok. And you can call me Naruto then!"

"You're a really happy person, aren't you?"

"Ano sa, ano sa, I try!"

"Come on, we can people watch and I'll tell you their names so I can introduce you later."

"Cool!"

_What am I getting myself into?_

-

"That's Hinata-chan, and her cousin Neji-san, with the white eyes. They're Hyuugas. And that guy with the sunglasses is Aburame Shino, and over there's Kiba (he usually sneaks food to stray dogs during lunch, and that lazy ass is Shikamaru, with his best friend Chouji, he eats all the time, and..."

Naruto sighed. No doubt Ino's running commentary would be fascinating, if the odds of these people talking to him were more than one in a million. But he sincerely doubted whether even Ino would want to talk to him once word got out to the parents that he was attending this particular academy.**(1) **Pretty soon, Ino would go to ignoring him, and he would be shunned by the student populace, as well as be invisible to the teachers. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if the student population began to drop because of the angry parents. _Maybe, after they ask me to leave, Iruka will take me far away, where no one knows me..._

"...And there's Sasuke and his fan club. You sit next to him, so you already know that, though. The teachers gave us assigned seats and put Sasuke by himself because the girls kept on getting into fights about sitting near him. I won't name all of his stalkers" _Thank god, _Naruto thought, "Because there's just so goddamn many of them, but you see the one with the pink hair, right next to him?" Naruto did. "That's Sakura. She used to be my best friend." The last statement was said regretfully.

"..." Naruto didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all.

_Jeez, the closest thing I've had to a friend in over...a very long time, and she gets weepy from looking at some boy..._

"H-hello, Ino-chan..." While Ino had been talking, the Hyuugas seemed to have snuck up on them.

"Hi, Hinata-chan, Neji-kun, what brings you here? Oh, this is Naruto-kun, he's the new student, remember?"

"I-I remember. Hello, Umino-san" Hinata stuttered. Neji only nodded his acknowledgement.

_Hmph. He's a prick. And she stutters too much. We'll have to fix that self-confidence problem, won't we?_

"Hi, Hinata-chan, Neji-kun, is it alright if I call you that? You can call me Naruto, or whatever you want, as long as it isn't mean!"**(2)**

"Y-yes, o-of course..."

"Hinata-sama would like to know if we may eat with you." Neji cut in. And a good thing, too, or they would never start their lunches, let alone finish them.d

"Sure! Go ahead..." So the pair sat down, and the four began to eat and converse, with Ino and Naruto doing most of the conversing.

-

From across the courtyard, many people were watching the group in which the new student sat and ate his lunch. Some gossiped, some decided to mock **(3)**, and some didn't say anything at all.

_That whore, _Sakura took a break from fawning over Sasuke and glared, _Making a move on the new student like that. If Sasuke cared about her, she'd have hurt his feelings. _Turning back to Sasuke, she smiled charmingly and complimented him. _I'll just have to teach her, and that boy a lesson._

Sasuke, on the other hand, wasn't really thinking, for once. He was just staring, at a boy no less, a fact that his fan girls seemed to be ignoring. Later that night, he would contemplate on the blonde enigma**(4)**, but for now, he would settle for gathering as much information as possible to mull over.

-

That day, the student body continued to gossip about the new student, Umino Naruto. By the end of the day, almost everyone knew the name of the new boy, and what he looked like.

To end the chapter with some food for thought that has nothing to do with this fic: The road of life is riddled with pit stops for Kakashi to waste his time at. So, he really does get lost on the road of life...

Dun-dun-dun! To be continued.

I have plans for this fic, people, plans. But this chapter frustrated be very much. I re-wrote parts several times, and I got ideas, so I had to check details, and- argh!

Wheew. Sakuras-a-plotting! Ooh. She's so evil in this fic. And if you disagree with the people in this fic, or the -eventual- pairing, don't judge my writing on that. Even though a lot of people seem to enjoy yaoi on this site. And Ino. If Sasuke has to be straight, and not with me, I'd want her to win, because Sakura's the one that ended their friendship. That said, I appear to have a thing for anime guys. As long as they're not old. Yet another issue I have. sighs

1. I'm too lazy to think up a name for the school. Since Konoha is the name of the city/suburb they're in, that won't work. Or will it?

2. Naruto's being very, very rude. I'm not Japanese, but I'm under the impression that just asking to not use the honorific like that would be bad. So don't ever, ever do something like that.

3. He looks girly. Remember? Prolly not. I didn't say much about that, did I. I don't really mention it all that much for a while..

4. I have no idea why Sasuke thinks Naruto is an enigma. It sounds cool, though. And Naruto is an enigma! Sort of.

Ok, I want reviews. Tell me you want more snarky Naruto. Cuz, I do. Sadly, I don't have that many 'thoughts' this chapter. I'm gonna try and fix that.

And, If you all review enough, I'll give you a little present. In a form of an omake. Just what _does _Iruka do all day? Kukuku.

...Goodbye.


	3. Lazy Perverted Art Teachers

1I love my two reviewers! Thank you first two reviewers! I'll do anything for reviews! Even make Naruto give you a lapdance! (Naruto is getting a little rebellious now...;;)

I can do that, I've put him in my hot guy/I felt sorry for them because no one else seems to like them harem!

Most of Naruto's snarky-ness will be internal for the next...several chaps...

**V. IMPORTANTE! DO YOU WANT THAT OMAKE OR NOT? If you do, more of you better tell me, even my lovely, lovely first two reviewers. **

Warnings: Same as before, yaoi, Naru-harem, angst, blah, but something new...(nothing that would offend anyone)

Disclaimer: All the manga I have attempted to write are shit. Have you read my unpublished shit manga? No. Is Naruto an unpublished shit manga? No, it's not. So it's not an unpublished shit manga written by me.

Lazy Perverted Art Teachers...Chapter three.

_Riiing. Riiing. _

"Hello?"

/"I want to talk to the headmistress _right now_, please."/

"I'm terribly sorry, but Tsunade-san is not accepting calls right now."

/"You think I care? Get her on the phone this instant!"/

"Look, I said sorry, but-"

"You tell her I want that freak out of my child's school or my Shinsuke-kun is leaving!"

CLICK. The angry caller hung up.

Keiko Kino sighed and set the phone down. That was the tenth upset parent in the past half hour. And Tsunade was stubbornly refusing to accept phone calls. The lazy ass was probably sleeping while Keiko was haggling with the callers.

It really wasn't fair. Tsunade could ignore the bitching parents. Fifty-three year old Tsunade looked like she was thirty. And most of the parent's didn't even leave names.

Oh well. Considering the circumstances, the number of phone calls was relatively low. Keiko had heard of instances in other schools when the phone lines had been used so much they had to be disconnected.

Probably, the students knew that their parents didn't want them associating with that Umino Naruto, but didn't know why. So a lot didn't bother to tell their parents about the knew student.

It wouldn't make a difference. Word would spread eventually, and the school would most likely be in danger of being shut down unless Umino-san left. The only real place for him, it seemed, would be home schooling. It was a pity; Umino-san was very smart, given the chance, according to his records from prior academies.

The old secretary sighed again when the phone rang, and reached to pick it up.

-

Sasuke was grumbling internally. Not that he didn't want to make noises of irritation outwardly, but, once again, he did not want to attract attention, and grumbling was not an Uchiha-like thing to do. Even though he wasn't particularly affectionate about his late family, did not mean that he did not respect the habits that were deeply ingrained in his memory from childhood.

Those memories were the driving force behind him, what caused him to excel in the things he chose to do, to be like_ him._

Sasuke bowed his head. Maybe no one would recognize him. Maybe the uniform would disguise him. No doubt if he wore everyday clothes, his stalkers would memorize every article of clothing he owned. They had already documented and tagged his boxers twice. (After Sasuke had discovered this, he had thrown out the contaminated things and bought new ones, taking precautions against their falling into enemy hands again.)

If only, if only, Sasuke didn't stand out so much. Sasuke knew that he was a freak, he just knew it. Only a freak could be recognized in dark stairwells with his head bowed, while wearing the same freaking thing as everyone else. Only a freak.

His glasses slipped down his nose. Frowning, Sasuke pushed them back up. It was a good thing he didn't play sports, or fixing the damned things would get to be a bigger pain in the ass than they were already.

Sasuke was employing every technique he knew to avoid people who would ogle him, fawn over him, or actually try to start a conversation with him. So with difficulty, Sasuke picked up a faint voice that he heard...on his answering machine, before classes, during breaks, after school...basically any time he was unable to avoid her. The one who _talked _to him. Opened her mouth, vibrating vocal cords, and made words fall out of her mouth. Ino had been avoiding him in favor of the new guy (just what was with that guy?)so that left one slightly-normal-stalker girl.

Sakura. Eeew. Cooties. She definitely had them.

Because he was walking past the office at that point, Sasuke made a quick turn and jogged up the much-unused staircase situated beside it.

Once safely behind the metal doors, Sasuke sighed (inwardly) and jogged up the stairs towards his classroom.

-

Naruto, like Sasuke, wanted to hide. However, unlike Sasuke, he didn't.

_And he endured their abuse, their disregard, their taunting, indiscernible words whispered behind their hands, his back, so he couldn't hear-_

No. Naruto shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of such thoughts. Those were for when he was alone, not for them, for then.

Naruto continued his trek to his class, the long way, waiting to see if anyone would talk to him, maybe Ino didn't know yet, maybe she didn't care, his friend...

But the objective part of him whispered_, even if she doesn't like you anymore, you got things from her, information, you used them just like they use you. _To vent their petty frustrations. With themselves and with each other. Freaks. Sleazy easy freaks, even if they hated him they were painfully easy to manipulate.

_I wanna kill them, ungrateful pricks._

No, no, stop it, not here, they're here, they can't know, find out. It's wrong. _Wrong like me. _

The nasty little thoughts that Naruto thought ceased, over and done with. They weren't a problem at home, where he felt at home, and was alone with only Iruka, because Iruka knew him, how he worked, what he thought, but he didn't care about it anyway, because Iruka loved his little brother.

"Naruto-kun! Why're you ignoring me?"

Naruto started. "Ah, Ino-chan, I was thinking and I didn't notice you were there!"

"Yeah" Ino looked around conspiratorially. "Look," she whispered, "Don't mind them, they'll stop gossiping about you after a while, when someone else comes along and does something stupid, ya know?"

"Yeah..."

"Ino-chan, why aren't you avoiding me?"

"Because I don't want to." Naruto looked at her incredulously. "You haven't done anything that I've heard about. I'm as stubborn as a pig, and I'll make my own opinions."

"Oh." Neither could think of much to say after that, and walked on to their next class, ignoring the whispers that had increased in volume.

-

Sakura walked through the school, trying to sift out Sasuke's face in the crowds of students. Unfortunately (or fortunately) she didn't see the object of her affections as he had hidden as soon as he had heard her voice. (No, Sasuke was not afraid of some little pink-haired girl, that would be ludicrous!) However, she came upon something much more interesting.

"My, my, Ino-pig," she murmured, "you're not cheating on Sasuke-kun, are you?"

"What was that, Sakura-senpai?" asked a freshman, an new member to the Church of Sasuke, run by one Haruno Sakura. Of course she would be in charge of it. Everyone looked up to her faithfulness to Sasuke-kun, aspired to it.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just–gathering information. We wouldn't want anyone to break the rules, would we?" Sakura smiled sweetly.

The new recruit was puzzled momentarily, but the crack in Sakura's sugary-sweet demeanor was quickly iced over. _Sakura-senpai is perfect, she knows everything about Sasuke-sama, I'll be just like her until I'm worthy, too._

The group of Sasuke-worshipers was slowly gathering, to squeal over and generally exalt the Uchiha. Five minutes before class, the crowd dispersed, and went their respective ways, to continue on the path to perfection. Their Sasuke-sama didn't deserve anything less.

-

_blah, Blah, **Blah, BLAH-------------**_

Jiraya-sensei droned on and on and on and on until he thought his eardrums would burst and then–

It stopped.

And began anew, with a different tone. More business-like than dreary. Naruto jerked his head a few centimeters above his desk, where he had been resisting beating it moments before.

"Listen up, you brats, because I'm not gonna repeat this. For the rest of the semester you'll be working in groups. You'll be given time to work in class and brainstorm, but the bulk of your work will be done at home." The old pervert turned to the board and wrote.

(On the Board)

The Assignment:

(NTB) Jiraya began to speak as he was writing.

(OTB) You will work in groups of three. Groups will need to meet after school, either in each other's homes or in another setting. Each week, you will draw a picture/portrait of each of your teammates that emulates what you see when you look at them. Small pictures may be on any type of paper except lined. You will write a paragraph of at least five sentences per week explaining your artwork and why you drew what you drew. You may use whatever drawing style you like, your own or the drawing style of the person you are drawing. During the last month of the semester, you will do a large-scale piece for each teammate of 1 ½ x 2 foot in size or larger in a medium of your choice, and write a three-paragraph essay for each.

(NTB) Jiraya-sensei stopped writing and turned back to the class. "So don't slack off, I'm gonna collect the assignments each week. Take the time to get to know your teammates so you do a good job, okay? And the school will provide portfolios store your work when you're working on it and after you get it back. If you need a bigger one for the large piece, we'll arrange something. Or you can buy your own stuff..." Jiraya finished gleefully. "And now, the teams!..."

-

Naruto was bewildered.

Ino was crying.

Sakura was gnashing her teeth.

Hinata was frantically praying for help.

Shikamaru started to blush, then cringed because he wasn't used to craning his neck so much.

Sasuke was crowing (inwardly, of course).

Why?

Naruto was bewildered, because how was he supposed to write and draw about the pissy-est and lazy-est guys in the room?

Ino was crying because she had to work with Sakura.

Sakura was gnashing her teeth because Sasuke was placed with that--that _boy_, that Ino was betraying the church of Sasuke with.

Hinata was praying, because, how the hell was she going to mediate between Ino and Sakura?

Shikamaru was blushing because he had looked at Naruto and decided that he was pretty (and had an excuse to stare) and cringing because he hardly ever turned his head. Now he had a crick in his neck.

Sasuke was crowing because he got to work with the mysterious new kid and his information-gathering was about to get a million times easier.

Jiraya giggled, ordered his students into their groups, and whipped out his notepad. _Ha! Take that, Tsunade-hag! Now I have time to work on Icha-Icha Rave, and you can't do ANYTHING about it because I gave the brats work! GWAHAHAHA! Big man laugh!. Hehe, this will be my most perverted novel yet!_

-

"Sooooo...Naruto leaned back in his chair and adjusted his new uniform. _Woot! I can get anything from Iruka! He's so eeeeaasy._ "Um...you...know how to speak, right? Erm...heeelllloooooo...?"

_Double damn. He's not as interesting as I thought._ Sasuke thought. "Yes, I know how to speak, idiot. I just choose not to."

Naruto, had he chose to, could have acted offended. Instead, he chose to act -_extremely_- offended.

"Jesus, you bastard, yah can't blame me. You just sit there like some lump with your back all hunched over." _Bastard Bastard BASTARD BASTARD!_

Shikamaru chose that most convenient time to wander over to where the two were sitting. _Okay, Shika, you gotta act cool..._ "I'm in your group."

_Nice..._

Naruto immediately diverted his attention from Sasuke to a more willing conversationalist. "Hey, I'm Naruto! You're Shikamaru, right, Ino pointed you out yesterday and I remembered you because your hair reminded me of my brother Iruka----"

Sasuke didn't know why he suddenly got pissed. Oh, right. It was because that lazy ass had to come over and distract Naruto from his bitching. A type of attention Sasuke could appreciate. It was different from Kakashi's suggestive and annoying questions and comments, and much less irritating than the swooning fan-girls simpering. It was refreshing. So, damn, double damn, and thrice-damn that Shikamaru!

Sasuke was brought out of his musings by the sound of the blonde wonder's voice. "Oi, Uchiha, are you even listening? You free after school tomorrow?"

"What? Are you-"

"Don't act so stupid, you know we all have to work on that project. Now, are you free, cause me'n Shikamaru-kun were going to go to my house after school tomorrow to start working." Naruto rambled on irritatingly. When had the conversation changed from Naruto saying an ass-load of nothing to plans for the art project? And when had-

"Shikamaru-kun." Sasuke didn't even raise an eyebrow. Dammit. The lazy ass was stealing his attention, the attention that should have been trained on Uchiha Sasuke.

"Yeah, well he isn't a bastard like you. I think Sasuke-teme is much more appropriate. Unless you stop being mean." Naruto squinted. Sasuke blinked. Shikamaru was too lazy to do much of anything at all.

"Well?" Sasuke blinked again.

"What?"

"Arg! Honestly, and you call _me_ an idiot, are you busy tomorrow!" Naruto was getting red in the face. And his cheeks were puffing out like a squirrel's.

"No."

Naruto deflated. "Fine then, bring what you need so we can get started."

"Shouldn't we go somewhere else?" Shikamaru decided to, amazingly, open his mouth again. And do something other than sigh.

Naruto swivelled his head back towards Shikamaru, who had at some earlier time sat down in a nearby desk. "What? Why?"

"I don't think we'll learn much about each other by just going to your home." Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck. He couldn't believe he was actually going to say this, but- "We should probably go out and do something so we can find out each other's likes and dislikes."

Sasuke chose to forgo his Uchiha-patented stoic/brooding face in favor of openly gaping. Nara Shikamaru, never, ever, displayed initiative. He sighed, said things were troublesome, and in general didn't move. And if he did, it was slowly and with much complaining. So this new Shikamaru must be wrong. Maybe an evil twin? A clone sent by aliens? Hmmm...

Sasuke excused himself to go brood.

-

After some more boring classes and a quiz (Naruto was sure he at least passed, but that was left to be discovered, as he was still behind on notes), Naruto's stomach was thanking whomever created it. Why, you ask, would a stomach be thanking someone? Because it was lunchtime and Iruka had deigned to pack ramen in a thermos instead of a healthier lunch.

Actually, all of Naruto was happy that he got to eat ramen, not just his stomach. Ramen, to him, was nirvana. Warm and salty and noodly...mmmm, ramen. Ino just didn't understand. (Maybe it was because she was constantly dieting.) Neither did, apparently, Hinata or Neji, who had come to eat with them again. Neji acted like all it did was turn him into some sort of savage. And Hinata...she smiled nervously, like usual, and said if he enjoyed it, he enjoyed it. But she didn't really comprehend what ramen did to him.

Ramen was what Iruka took Naruto to eat when they first met, when it was cold and Naruto was running alone, away from the adults who wanted to have him locked up, killed. Naruto, then, didn't understand why everyone hated him. He just knew that he was a freak, and that Iruka accepted that as a part of being Naruto and liked him anyway.

"Naruto, how do you eat that fast and talk at the same time without getting messy?"

"Aaahh, Ino-chan, it's all in the technique. Eating ramen is like coordination training if you do it right. Just like Ranma! Only I don't have to defend my food because other people are afraid of losing a finger if they interfere." Naruto slurped up the rest of his ramen and laughed.

_Eating fast and neat was just a way to eat as much food as possible before it got taken away._

"Okay..." Well, Naruto-kun, if you insist. Ino returned to her brooding. How dare that old pervert put her in a group with Sakura! Anyone else would have been better, Ino was friendly with most everyone else...most of the time.

"I-ino-chan, when d-do you think we sho-ould meet for our project?" Aahhhg. Why did Hinata have to bring that stupid project up? Why?

"Oh, I don't know. We'll have to check with Queen Sakura."

"Ino-chan, y-ou should try to get along with her, at least for the pro-ject." Hinata worried. She would do okay, she wasn't fighting with either girl, but the other two might have problems-

"You could get switched to another group," Neji suggested, like it should have been obvious.

"Oh, hell no! I'm not backing down!" Fuck that! Sakura can get switched, that fucking little-

"Hello, Ino-chan, I was wondering if you and Hinata-chan would like to come over to my house tonight to start planning for the project," Sakura said sweetly (even her insults were said sweetly).

"Oh, of course I would, would you, Hinata-chan?" Ino exclaimed. Hinata nodded furiously, not trusting herself to speak.

"Well, I'll meet you outside the school then, I have to meet Sasuke-kun before I go home." Sakura flounced back to her flock.

"Speaking of the bastard, where is he?" Naruto mumbled around a mouthful of food.

His three companions stared at him. Where?--

_Well, don't they know it's rude to stare?_

"Baka, stop eating my food!" Neji glared venomously.

_Ha! You should be thanking me, now your high and mighty ass won't get fat!_

"Meep?"

-

Sasuke was glaring at Neji. And Ino. And even Hinata. What right did they have to spend time with Naruto? Naruto was meant to work with him, in his group, so there would be one less person he could not easily predict and manipulate. Naruto wasn't even in a group with them!

Sasuke continued to glare as Neji hit the back of Naruto's head with his palm. And as Naruto spit out the food in his mouth as a result. Which landed on Neji's neatly pressed and buttoned school jacket. Sasuke could see every single grain, even from this distance.

Sasuke glared as Naruto apologized about a million times, profusely, and tugged a frozen stiff Neji to his feet and towards the bathroom. Dammit! Not the bathroom! Sasuke couldn't watch Naruto's expression, read his lips when he was in the bathroom! Nuooo!

-

Naruto was still apologizing for spitting rice into Neji's lap as he pulled said boy down the hall.

"I'm soo, so sorry, I really honestly didn't mean to do that, I swear I will never eat your food again because, oh god I'm sooorry!" As they arrived at the bathroom, Naruto toed the door open and shoved Neji inside.

"Umm, here, I'll clean you up." _Since it doesn't seem like you're going to be doing it anytime soon._

Naruto grabbed a paper towel and stuck it in the sink to wet it. He turned to look at Neji who was still staring blankly ahead. Probably wishing he hadn't gotten so upset about his lunch...

Naruto stepped back over to Neji and started wiping the rice and spit off of the taller boy's jacket. Paused, and then noticed where the excess had fallen after Neji had stood. _Uh-oh. I don't wanna wipe there. Crap. But it's not like he can do it himself, and it is my fault..._

Naruto sighed. And on his second day of school, too. He could only hope that no one walked in and jumped to conclusions. That last thought still in his mind, he began to lean forward, bit by bit, until–

Neji jolted out of his daze. "Moron, what are you doing?" The yell came out more like a strangled yelp than Neji wanted it to.

_Naruto could see the light blush flickering on and off across the bridge of Neji's nose as he fought for control._

"Erm, well, lets just say I'm glad you woke up in time, and I'm very, very, sorry?" Naruto flushed.

Neji caught the implication, and his suspicions were confirmed. He blushed darker than Naruto.

_What a lousy time to discover that you're gay..._

Naruto looked at Neji.

_Well, well, well. Looks like I have one less friend, after this stunt. He's so furious he looks like a tomato. _

"Well, hurry and clean up! Here, I'll turn around. Okay? So, you don't need to be embarrassed." Naruto did just that.

"..." Neji hurredly wiped his pants off and vainly tried to dry them off with another napkin.

"..."

"Well, don't be so anal about it. I'll explain that you didn't wet yourself."

"...!...!...?" Neji blushed so red that he thought his head would explode. _How does someone say something like that?_

-

(Naruto had forcibly removed Neji from the boy's room. After much cajoling and a hell of a lot of shoving.)

_Clouds are white, like Naruto's skin, the sky is blue, like Naruto's eyes, that particular cloud looks like Naruto's face..._Shikamaru sang in his head. It would appear that he had found inspiration for his art project. And such a wonderful art project it was. He might actually do it, this time. Only Naruto's half, though. He didn't really care so much for the Uchiha's sulky visage.

When the school doors swung open with a squeal and shut with a bang, Nara Shikamaru did not remove his eyes from the vast blue sky. He did, however, allow his eyes to wander in the direction of the entrance when he heard a particular voice.

"Hey, it's that new kid," Shikamaru's best friend Chouji rumbled as he paused in stuffing his face.

Indeed it was. Naruto was currently dragging Neji across the courtyard, and Neji was resisting, for whatever reason. Shikamaru and Chouji were to far away to actually decipher the words being said.

Neji planted his feet in the ground and stalwartly refused to go any further. Naruto stomped his foot and argued. The Hyuuga shook his head, and the blonde crossed his arms. Shikamaru was horribly jealous, because the pair looked like just that, a couple having a minor argument.

_That is sooooooo not allowed._

With his arms still crossed, Naruto turned his head until his eyed lit on Shikamaru and Chouji, who pretended to not be staring. Naruto pointed in their direction, grabbed Neji's arm, and hauled him towards the lazy and the hungry.

Shikamaru was watching, but the thought didn't really connect. So he was completely startled when Naruto trudged up to him, the Hyuuga in tow.

"Hi, Shikamaru-kun!"

"Huh?" Shikamaru uttered intelligently. Well, his I.Q. was over 200. Whatever he said would be intelligent, right?

"I thought I'd stop by and say hi, because Neji-kun's being stubborn and won't go back to where we were before. And, hey, I don't think we've been formally introduced. Akimichi-san, right?"

"Yup, that's me. Nice ta meetcha."

"Same here! You a good friend of Shikamaru-kun? Ha, that's a stupid question, of course you are, why else would you be eating lunch with him?" Naruto babbled because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"..." Awkward silence reigned supreme.

Then the killer.

"My parent's don't think I should hang around you too much," Chouji said slowly, as if deep in thought. Naruto stiffened. _It's beginning again._ "But you seem like a good guy, so I think I will anyway."

"Oh."

Shikamaru noticed a dark stain on Neji's navy slacks.

The bell rang and Naruto dashed to gather his and Neji's things, while Neji stood stupidly until Naruto returned.

"Urk...you're just standing there...Come on, we need to get to class, right?

_Fucking morons..._

To be...or not to be continued. I think to be.

I considered making this longer. Really I did. But it was fourteen pages without my extremely long non-informative author's notes. I think not. The rest of this school day will be continued next chapter. And there will be more of angsty Naru-kun because we will be in his head more that chapter. I've been making him peppy with snarky thoughts mixed in then and there.

Although, the beginning...yeah.

And does Sakura seem a little mental to anyone? She does to me. I honestly wasn't planning on that. I was just gonna make her a supreme bitch, but, hey, whatever.

And, finally, you absolutely cannot have a highschool AU without a project that requires the characters to go to each other's homes and attempt to beat up their rivals and screw their love interest. (Sorry, couldn't think of anything else. But the project is kinda original, and so is the team, and that they're teams of three, I should get brownie points!)

Will the omake come into creation? Read the next chapter to find out! And while you're at it, review! Actually, if you want that omake, you have to review. So, do it. Do it. Do it.


	4. Ramen Head

1This is a continuation of last chapter. So it's the same day. Wednesday. I cut it off last time cuz I felt that it was getting so long.

**MUY IMPORTANTE! READ THIS IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THIS FIC AGAIN!**

You see, I might have posted it all at once (blatant lie, that) well, I would have made this chapter longer, if more people were nice to whores like me. (Review whores) But you're not. I'm getting the sinking feeling that people are freezing me out so I'll write that het fic. So, if I don't get a decent number of reviews for this chapter, I'll assume its for that reason, and this fic will be put on hiatus until it is completed so I can post it without worrying about what I should do.

Disclaimer: Oh-I-wish! Oh how I wish I owned Na-ru-tooo- The owner of Naruto's what I'd really like to beeee! For if I were the owner of Na-ru-to, all the (guy) characters would be in love with me!

(Except for the old ones...Sarutobi, Jiraya, Ichiraku guy...that's a little gross...)

I don't own the Oscar Meyer song, (yes that's the tune of the disclaimer) and I don't own the Lion King. (Wow, am I getting lamer as time goes on?)

Third Chappie: Ramen Head

Wow, was school boring or what. Luckily for Naruto, he had invented an invaluable invention. He liked to call it "The-dreams-I-have-when-I'm-awake", daydream for short.

Vroooommmm-vrooomm-vrrr-

"Oi, usuratonkatchi, the bell rang."

"Vrrr–...huh?" Naruto broke off his very involved dream in which he was driving a sports car and running over every person he didn't like.

_Splat._

"The bell _rang._ It's time to _leave._" Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Shit," _Shit, shit shitshitshit_, "When!"

"Five minutes ago."

The sports car's engine rattled and spluttered a few time, and the engine died.

Naruto pause in gathering up his books. "Then why are you still here? And why didn't the teacher say somethi-" Oh, wait, the teacher was asleep at her desk "Never mind. Why are you here?"

He crammed a heavy text into his case.

"Hiding."

"?" Sasuke could have laughed at the quizzical look on the other boy's face.

"The stalkers have been more diligent than usual lately."**(1)**

"Aah...Ah, fuck! I'm gonna be late! Iruka-kun's gonna kill me! Bye, 'ske-teme!"

Sasuke barely had enough time to be jealous of this Iruka-kun. Although he wouldn't have been if he had been paying more attention to what to moron was saying instead of staring at his lips. Oh well...

-

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu- _Naruto pounded up the stairs of the building to the ridiculously large flat he inhabited along with his foster-parent/brother. "I'm home!" he hollered, only to receive silence in return.

_Like fuck I rushed home so I wouldn't be late so Iruka could._

"I-ru-ka-kun!" nothing.

"Where are you!" nope.

"Goddam it, that's not fucking fair!" zip, nada, zilch.

_Grrr, how dare he be late! After he stressed for me to be home right after school! Why I oughta-_

"Naruto, what have I told you about watching your language?"

"..." Naruto sweated. He had been so caught up in torturing his imagined brother that he hadn't noticed the real one approach from behind. Haltingly, jerkily, Naruto turned his head to look behind him. What he saw wasn't pretty.

_Unless you're turned on by an Iruka with his forehead all vein-y and with a tic, fisting his hand in your direction. His fist has a vein too, by the way..._

"_I hope your not thinking about me with that ugly look on your face!"_

_uuaaaahh. _(that's a whimper, for those of you who don't know) _I better pick a religion and start praying now!_

"You're two minutes late, Naruto! We're on a schedule this year! How! How could you do this? Arrgh! Just hurry and go change so we're not actually late, or did you forget what today is?" Iruka suddenly stopped. "No. Forget that last part, I didn't mean it. I know you wouldn't forget. Not our anniversary, no matter how much you don't want to go meet them tonight."

"Yeah." _Sorry, Iruka. I'll never forget._

"I'll go get changed now."

-

Naruto twitched in his button down shirt.

_No, that's wrong, no button-down shirt would make me twitch, it's the starch-_

"_Stop fiddling, Naruto,_" Iruka hissed.

_Well, excuuuuuse me, I can be uncomfortable, I don't want to meet these people._

Considering that the pair was supposedly late, it was fairly surprising that they had showed up fifteen minutes early. _Fifteen. _That's right, fifteen minutes of suspense.

"Why do I have to meet these people now, if they wanted to see me they should have stopped by ten years ago." Naruto declared sullenly.

"Stop that, Naruto, they were friends of your parents and if they want to meet you at least once, you should grant them that, at least." _Even though I totally agree. _

"Harrrumppph." Naruto grunted, folded his arms against his chest, and looked away.

"Stop being so snotty"

"Snotty!

"I don't want to meet these people! You can't blame me for that!"

"Ahem" someone interrupted Naruto, who was rounding on Iruka at this point, with a soft cough.

Iruka was the first to move. "Hello, I'm very sorry you had to see that. Um, are you?..."

The old man coughed. "I believe so. If you are Umino Iruka-san and Naruto?"

"Yes, we are. I'm very pleased you could make it Sarutobi-san."

-

(Yeah...not really a break there but it seemed like a good place...)

"Just so you know, Sarutobi-san, you shouldn't expect too much from Naruto. It's been a very long time since he was left alone, while you did nothing."

Iruka had been doing all the talking for Naruto so far, as the group of four sat in the expensive restaurant.

Naruto just didn't feel inclined to talk like he usually did.

_Or so everyone thought..._

It was the extenuating circumstances that drove him to it. Those horrid, horrid circumstances made him do it.

"Ano sa, ano sa, oyagi, how'd you get so many wrinkles? And why are you travelling around with old man Sarutobi-san?" Naruto, the shithead, had decided to end his hiatus from talking with a bang.

"That's...my...WIFE, you little bastard!" Sarutobi roared.

"EEEK!" Naruto shrieked.

_Now that was a little too high-pitched. Honestly, you're a man, how can you scream high enough to damage your own ears? _

_And now you're cowering. How manly. _

And Naruto was cowering. Fallen off his chair, one leg crossed over the other in a jumbled attempt to get up and _run away_, and unable to do so, so his arms were raised in a defensive position. (Upward, as Sarutobi was coming at him from over the table.)

Sarutobi's wife got up from her seat, shoved Sarutobi back into his chair, yanked Naruto upright, sat him down too, and before sitting down herself, smacked both on the back of their heads.

"Don't make a scene in a restaurant over that!" The (very) old woman hissed through her teeth. It must have been hard to do that while she was smiling so very pleasantly. Though Naruto could see that her wrinkly, sagging chin was quivering with displeasure.

_Scary lady._

_Yep. Definitely scary lady._

_...I wonder if she's wearing dentures?_

Iruka had bowed his head in shame. "Sorry" Naruto said meekly.

Iruka only unfurled his cloth napkin, spread it on the china, and dropped his head onto it, forehead first.

-

Disdainfully looking down his nose at the lavish fare set before him, Naruto felt mildly ill. How could anyone stand to eat something that used such expensive ingredients, and took so long to prepare that it got cold? What was the point? The food was foul, and Naruto hated it. Hated that he could remember a time when he would have killed to be out with a person he called family, and if he so chose, people he could call friends. Eating an extravagant meal prepared by people who cared only for their jobs and served by people who cared only for their tip. Not for his own reputation.

The sauces were swirling slowly, slowly, on his plate. If he left it alone for longer, he could see that it would congeal in slimy, fatty pools around the sparse amount of food served on the delicate plate. Naruto wished feebly for something to cleanse his palate, for the sight was making his stomach roil in an unsavory manner.

"Naruto, aren't you going to eat?" Iruka was concerned. He had broken off his conversation with Sarutobi-san. Apparently the old man had worked with Naruto's father in a prestigious corporation. Until his father died, that is.

"Hai, hai." Naruto put his fork to the plate, picked up a mouthful, and began the long journey to his mouth. Iruka watched, observed, _stared_, until Naruto's mouth closed around the fork, chewed, and swallowed.

"Very good!" Naruto's weak attempt at a grin was so pathetic that even Sarutobi and Sarutobi's wife had noticed.

"Ahm. Well, Naruto-san is to be heir to his father's amassed wealth when he turns eighteen." Sarutobi cleared his throat.

Iruka switched his staring eyes from Naruto to the old man. "That was...completely off topic, Sarutobi-san."

"Well..." Old-man Sarutobi looked distinctly uncomfortable. "It needed to be said, and I didn't see you bringing any similar topics."

"...right...uh..."

"Still reeeaally weird. Weirdo. It's weird cuz you're a weird-o"

_Weirdy weirdy weirdy weirdo old man's a weirdy weirdo totally freak-a-fied-_

"Shut up, brat." Is he stupid? Does he want his money or not? "Do you want your money or not? You should be more respectful." Ha! Take that, brat!

"Whatever," Naruto leaned back in his chair and his head lolled to the side. Just observing the opulent room. Like he didn't care about his future more than some random pile of dog shit adorning the street.

Sarutobi squinted. "Well, you–"

Iruka decided that particular moment was a good time to assert himself–by coughing. "I don't think the matter of Naruto's inheritance will make much of a difference," he reached out and steadied Naruto, how was leaning a bit too far back in his chair for Iruka's tastes. "as I am the one supporting him. Once he's out of college, he can do what he wants with it, but until then, I'll be paying his way."

"You don't really think that you have to do that, do you?"

"I'm his family! Not you, it's not your decision, Sarutobi-san. I'm taking care of him.

"It's too late for you to step in now," Iruka had taken an aggressive stance in his padded chair, sitting on the edge of his seat leaning forward, his arms on the table with his hands fisted.

Naruto and Sarutobi's wife to a moment to notice how the majority of the room was watching the scene out of the corners of their eyes.

Iruka coughed again, sat back in his chair, and blushed.

The quartet decided that soon would probably be a good time to leave.

-

Naruto shoved the business card deep from Sarutobi deep into his pocket. The man had said, that despite his lack of presence in Naruto's upbringing until now, he and his wife would like to be involved. Apparently he hadn't been able to find Naruto, even though he had bought the best private investigators _that money could buy._

"Well, now that our night can't get any worse, let's try to remedy it."

"Huh?" (Iruka)

"Since dinner royally sucked let's go celebrate our anniversary with ramen."

"Can't you think of a better way to phrase that?"

"NO!" Naruto half-shrieked, half-said, defensively.

"How about, 'Let's go get some ramen because that's what we do every year on this day,'"

"That wasn't better, either."

"Hah!" The pair lowered their voices as they entered the ramen stand, Ichiraku.

"Ano sa, Ano sa, I want five bowls of miso ramen to start!"

"Erm, I'll have one..." Iruka sweated.

The old man running the stand only smiled, and signaled to his daughter to prepare the orders. He was used to the antics of these two, who always ordered lots of ramen and ate on the stools on the bar.

"Hey, Naruto..." Iruka asked thoughtfully, as he stirred his ramen with his chopsticks.

Naruto paused, his eyed squinting and his mouth in the process of slurping more than a mouthful of ramen. The extra noodles were hanging down his chin.

"What do...you want to do?"

Naruto, with a herculean effort, managed to swallow his ramen in one gulp.

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe, once I finish school, I'll go travel. Places no one know _it_, yanno?"

"Yeah" Iruka sounded depressed.

"Ano sa, ano sa, you're comin with me, so don't get all droopy, Iruka-kun. We're a team."

_As teamish as a team can get. Ha. More like Iruka would boss me around in the name of safety. Oh well._

_Even Iruka's ponytail seemed to stand a little taller, and his scar crinkled with a smile._

"Gahahahahahahah!" Naruto dropped his chopsticks into his empty ramen bowl, put his hands on his hips, and laughed.

_Uh-oh, big man laugh..._

Iruka sweated and Naruto ignored the other customers who were sitting at tables and booths, and even a few stools away, who looked at the source of laughter with mixed amusement and shock.

Naruto merely ordered several more bowls of ramen.

-

"Oi, Zazu, what crawled up your butt?" Kakashi leaned against the door and drawled in a most annoying fashion.

Sasuke glared at Kakashi from his desk. "Zazu?" Surely the man wasn't comparing him to a supporting character in...a children's movie.

"Yeah, Zazu. Like that annoying bird from The Lion King that always had to shit on the hero's ideas. You're pretty anal like that." Kakashi looked like he wanted to snicker. Wait, rewind, playback. He was.

Sasuke glared some more. But he didn't dignify Kakashi's insult with a greater reaction than that.

"...now then, back to the matter of what crawled up your ass to make you so moodytonight." Kakashi reiterated.

Sasuke, who was facing away from the door, smirked. He knew exactly what to say...to gross the pervert of perverts out. "Hopefully it wasn't your dick, Kakashi." Sasuke's smile grew, before he stifled it to look and see if his prediction was right.

Kakashi looked like he wanted to puke. Long and hard, until his throat was raw and bleeding. Because, as perverted as Hatake Kakashi was, he wasn't quite that perverted. Little boys under his supervision did not fit his criteria for sexual pleasure (or amusement, as the case may be.)

And, surely, stick-up-his-ass, perfect little Sasuke did not just say that, to him. That was totally, completely wrong. Out of character. A few hours later, when he wasn't still suffering from shock or the pain of vomiting, Kakashi would wonder what had put his charge in such a rare form as to say such a vulgar thing.

Sasuke, sighed, his appetite for cruelty sated, and put away his schoolbooks. He went to sleep with a frown caressing his pale features.

_-_

Kakashi puked into the toilet noisily and wondered why the bad things always seemed to happen to him.

To be continued...yet again...

This chapter was originally 25 pages, no notes or nothing. Its obviously been shortened to about 10. I thought about keeping it long, but I'm lacking in time and inspiration to work on this fic right now. Next chap is longer, promise.

1. I was reading this manga, Devil and Devil (don't own that, obviously) Anyway, if you read it, you would see, in the first or second chapter that Souma, the geeky son, is not "diligent" anymore (he was being a bastard because he's possessed...) And that Kanna, the elder twin, is diligent (even though before he was some thug who beat people up). Anyway, I thought it was funny, cause I don't think the manga-ka meant that. That line lost something in translation...


	5. Hangover, Hangover

1Chapter cinco. You might notice that I am replying to my reviews below. A large, chocolate cake, no, a chocolate _castle_ to Crazy Mishka for the four, yep, count em, _four_ reviews I got. From him or her. I haven't checked his/her profile out yet.

**Next chapter is the last for about one or two months. **The fic will go on hiatus, and whenever I feel like, I'll post what I want in one week intervals until I run out. Then the fic will go on hiatus again, and the pattern repeats.

I mean no offense in regards to the Naruto dub as mentioned in the disclaimer.

Which reminds me. I was reading the Naruto forums, and these people were all, "omg, the Naruto dub is so lame, and the theme song sucks and shows pictures of characters that don't show up for like twenty episodes," and I thought, well, I kinda liked the theme song. It's better than most, not anything like the one piece rap song. Besides, what do they expect, a new theme song every time a new character shows up? That's a lot of music. It costs money to make those, and to license the Japanese versions.

Bodi li: Wow, I didn't expect a review so soon. And...I love you! Constructive criticism, chya! Thankyou! And, you think it moves a little slow? I do too. Sorry, but...no planning occurs in my brain. Nope. None at all. And...I like yaoi better too...kukukukuku. (Orochimaru laugh)

Iashi Tatsu: I'm glad _someone_ wants me to continue. Sankyuu vera much. And, I dunno if I'll have KakaIru yet. We'll see.

animelvr4evr: kukukukuorochimaru laugh again you'll see, you'll see. I have somethin absolutely eveel planned for Naruto. And if I remember Tsunade, maybe.

Crazy Mishka: nervous laugh. You've frightened me out of Orohi-laughter Wow, your name is truly apt. Thankies for the reviewies, you may have been the reason this won't be put on hiatus till chapter six is out, at least. And, I love that there are people like you out there, who aren't afraid to review every chapter even if they were posted weeks ago! glomps sike

Manga-lover123: You're right. My summary sucks. I'll change it later. Thanks!

Stormraven: Oh, you used sophisticated words! Thankies! I'm glad you find this ficcie of mine interesting. So..kukukuku (You get an Orochimaru laugh, too. That means you're special.) In due time, due time. But I don't think I'll go for the insanely powerful people going after Naruto, though. To anime-ish, and I suck at making up characters.

Disclaimer: "A-hem. Clown eyes does not own the manga Naruto, or the anime, which by the way, the first dubbed episode looks something like a computer game she would have played in '95." Naruto looks around. "Damn, you watched the dubs? What a loooseeeer. And, you're older than me. You're not allowed to have a crush on me, you pedophile."(Meanwhile, I'm offended. "Hah! Since the time lapse, you're the same age as me, jerk!")

Hangover, Hangover, How the Hell does Naruto Have a Hangover With Iruka Around?

_Naruuuu-toooo, Naruuuuuuutoooooo, time to get uuuuuppp..._A wispy voice drifted in one ear and out the other.

_NARUTO! NA-RU-TO!_

"Mrrmmph" Naruto shifted and shoved his face into his pillow.

Chilly.

His blankets were now missing. Naruto opened one bleary eye. "Nnnn?"

"What's wrong with you? You usually wake up long before this!" Iruka was standing over Naruto, blankets in hand.

"Ramen hangover." Naruto curled up in an attempt to retain some of the warmth from the sheets below him.

"What–whatever, I don't want to know. Just hurry up and get dressed, you have to go to school."

"Nnnnuuuoooo—!" Naruto whined. Iruka just opened his blinds and let the (blinding) sun scorch the blonde's eyes.

"Hiiiiiine" Naruto scrunched his eyes shut before slowly easing them open. He rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling, which seemed smoother and whiter than an eggshell.

_He couldn't see the tiny grooves and it seemed to glow like the moon in the morning light._

"Can it" Naruto muttered to his little thoughts. He picked up his school uniform, which had been washed the night before, and traveled to the bathroom where he commenced his daily ritual and put in his contacts.

-

Nara Shikamaru languidly pulled on his socks and slippers, as he had already dressed. And he did all this without complaining, which was amazing in itself. He had found himself in a surprisingly good mood this morning.

Unsurprisingly, the cause of this good mood was a certain blonde new kid. Not of the goatly persuasion, of course.

Oh yes, the Nara was scheduled to spend time with the new kid after school today, so he would be home later than usual.

Maybe if he was lucky they'd get some time alone. That teme must have some schedule he had to stick to. He was anal enough for it.

Shikamaru greedily downed the breakfast his mother set in front of him. For once, he didn't have to listen to his mother complain about his not eating enough of her cooking. (He finished the meals anyhow, he was too scared to offend the small woman.)

Nara-san looked at the clock. "Shikamaru-kun, it's almost time for you to leave." His mother looked at him expectantly, as if expecting him to complain about the necessary rush. God knows he did it even when he was on time, though he always woke up late. Today was no different on that aspect.

But Shikamaru didn't, and (nearly, nearly) ran around to gather his books. Once they were assembled in his briefcase, he nabbed his bento and ducked out the door with a wave, much like his father would a half hour later on his way to work.

Shikamaru's mother turned to her husband. "Does he have a girlfriend or something?"

-

Yes, Shikamaru appeared happy this particular day.

But one person was happier.

In a much, much, more sinister way.

Sinister, you ask? Who would be happy, but give off a sinister vibe?

If you thought about it, you would possibly come to one conclusion. (Or maybe none at all.)

Sakura. That's right, the pink princess was undeniable happy that day, because she had come upon some newfound information, information that, manipulated properly, could be potentially, only _potentially,_ mind you, damaging to one blonde gaki.

You might not think that potentially was good enough for Sakura, but this early in the game, it was. This information could be built upon, with a little by little, bit by bit, lashing candy stripes upon that blonde bimbo's newfound happiness. Candy stripes of abandonment, shame, and embarrassment to scar him more than the whisker scars on his cheeks.

Oh, and how happy Sakura would be! When she told, when she knew everything, when her plan was as flawless as her perfect pink self. The swell of joy she felt now couldn't possibly compare.

But that would wait for later, because now...

"Sasuke-kuuuuun!" Sakura kicked up her knee length skirt in her fervor to reach the object of the Church of Sasuke. She could do that; her skirt was long enough, unlike the others, whose uniforms would flap about their thighs in an unbecoming fashion when they ran. Sakura herself would not defile herself by allowing the other boys cheap peeks up her skirt; that place was only for her Sasuke.

Sasuke felt his nose twitch when Sakura latched onto his arm murmured her greeting of "hello, Sasuke-kun" in a seductive way. But that was all. Today, he felt himself strangely impassive, like he had actually become the mask he wore to cover up his quick-witted mind. It was almost like last night's mischief had drained him of all attachment to the daytime world.

Or maybe he was just missing his brother.

Sasuke had always looked up to his brother.

-

"Oi, oi Shikamaru-kun!" Naruto waved out the window at his lazy friend. "You want a ride?"

"..." Shikamaru frowned. The blonde would get hit by a car or something, hanging halfway out the window like that. They were almost at school anyway.

As if he had read the lazy-ass's mind, Naruto called, "Come on, you know you want to! It's too far for you to actually want to walk it, you complain about moving your chair back from your desk!"

Shikamaru nodded in acknowledgment and made his way toward the fancy black car. Naruto had a point, and if Shikamaru was a little miffed at his whining (it clearly was) being described as complaining, it wasn't enough for him to pass up spending time with his crush.

"It's open" Shikamaru opened one of the back doors and slid onto the leather seat with his bag as Naruto twisted his body to watch him climb in.

"For god's sake Naruto, get in the car," an exasperated voice came to urge Naruto from his precarious position. Shikamaru took the time to examine what he could see of the driver. Brown hair in a ponytail, tan skin, a scar on the bridge of his nose. This must be–

"Anou sa, Anou sa, Shikamaru-kun" Shikamaru blushed at the nickname being used in front of Naruto's guardian, "This is Iruka-kun, my nii-san!" Maybe he needn't be so embarrassed.

The protective looking man looked Shikamaru and decided that he approved, for now. "Hello, I guess your name's Shikamaru from what Naruto's been telling me," The man smiled and Shikamaru nodded dumbly. He just couldn't think of anything to say. Iruka ruffled Naruto's mop of blonde hair and said, "I hope you're going to make sure this moron doesn't get in any trouble,"

"What!" Naruto had jumped and was glaring at his brother with his fists clenched in faux-offense. "You're the moron, you moron!"

"Ha!"

The bickering continued till they arrived at school and Iruka waved the two off like a mother would. And he went home to do whatever he did...**(2)**

-

"Hey, Shikamaru-kun, waddya wanna do today?"

"I dunno..."

"Well, I figured we could do whatever you do for a few hours, what I wanna do for a few hours, and what Sasuke wants to do after that..." Naruto babbled on.

_Sure, I'd do what Sasuke does, if I were willing to put a stick up my ass for some guy I'm doing a project with..._Shikamaru mused bad-naturedly

"Anou sa, Shikamaru, are you listening to me?" Naruto growled.

"Yeah, I was." Shikamaru felt kind of worried. Naruto was growling. Growling was so...un-Naruto-like. Even if it was sexy...

"Then what the fuck'd I say?"

"..." Shikamaru didn't know. He hadn't actually been listening. "It's too troublesome to repeat, Naruto."

"Ahhh.." Well, the Nara had a point. And a valid one at that, considering his rep.

As they came upon the classroom in comfortable silence, Neji and Hinata were seen coming from the opposite direction.

"Nara-san. Naruto," Neji nodded his acknowledgment, but glared at Shikamaru when Naruto wasn't looking. That those two were walking into school together...

"H-hello, Shikamaru-san, Naruto-kun." Hinata, on the other hand, opted to smile shyly and blush. On the inside, though...

_Oh, HELL no, he's not gonna be the type that spends more time with his guy friends than girlfriend!_

Naruto grinned companionably in response. "So, what'd you think of the homework?..."

-

From inside the classroom, Sasuke was glaring at the group of talking students. That they...were enjoying themselves, with Naruto, without him, while he had to endure that giggling pink**(3)** at his desk was...nearly unbearable. Nearly. Likely because his heart felt like it had been sucked out of his chest early that morning, and he hadn't become used to the feeling, like when he had been younger and lost a tooth and kept running his tongue along the gap.

The bell rang, reminiscent of yesterday afternoon, when he had alerted Naruto to the end of the school day. It seemed to echo, like it had before, when the school was empty, even though now the building was full to the brim.

Sakura jerked out of her Sasuke-induced haze when she heard her name called, and accidentally knocked off his glasses. Sasuke took a minute to appreciate how attractive everyone looked when he couldn't see them, before Sakura heaped apologies and compliments on him again. After adjusting his glasses, he looked back to the group by the door.

Naruto was looking at him. And smiling. Sasuke almost blushed. Naruto covered a giggle with his hand and turned back to the group, which had grown by two, Ino and Chouji. The group in its entirety laughed. Were they laughing at him? Naruto had been looking at him only a moment ago, after all, with a tiny grin adorning his lips and a slight giggle afterwards. Sasuke was thinking so hard that he didn't even notice the group entering the classroom until Naruto had hailed him with a cheerful "Heya Sasuke!" from two feet away.

"Ugh?" Sasuke twitched out of his stupor and nodded...and frowned. He seemed to be doing, and seeing quite a bit of nodding, lately. What was with that? Were people so against vocalizing their greetings? Was not the grunt of acknowledgment the greeting belonging to him? Naruto plopped down into his desk beside Sasuke. Sakura glared at Naruto and stalked away, but not before smothering the bespectacled boy with goodbyes and promised to return. He allowed himself a few moments of relief.

"Hey, Sasuke, what do ya wanna do after school?"

"Uhn?" Another intelligent reply from Sasuke. Whoop-de-doo.

"Anou...I don't care."

"Aw, come on, you've gotta know something better than that. That's what Shikamaru-kun said too." He had been spending time with Nara Shikamaru? Again! Oh wait...he had, Sasuke had been watching them in their little laughing group.

"I..." Naruto perked expectantly.

"What do you do?" Naruto edged forward as he questioned Sasuke.

"I..."Sasuke really didn't want to say.

"Hello, class!" The teacher walked in and started to call role. "I hope your all ready to take some notes!" The class groaned collectively. Even Sasuke. But he didn't groan out of irritation at the damnable note-taking that they would all have to do. He groaned out of relief that he wouldn't have to tell Naruto what he did.

Sasuke didn't want to tell Naruto that he had no life.

-

Brrrrrr-Innnnng. Time for Art with Jiraya-sensei. Naruto looked up from the notes that he had been trying to take. But they were sooooo booooooring! Taking notes gave him writer's cramp. And it seemed that all he had been doing that day was taking notes.

"Alrighty, brats, work on your work, paint with your paints, I don't care, just don't bother me." Jiraya strolled into the class, sat down, eyed the room furtively, and took out his papers and ink. Just a little side job, to put a little extra padding in his bank account. Although...his pervy books raked in a lot more cash than his teaching job. Maybe, just maybe, the teacher lark was to pacify a certain woman he had known since childhood.

...Naaaaaah. Couldn't be.

Could it?

-

Hyuuga Neji worked blearily on his art project. Inuzuka Kiba...

_The Inuzuka Kiba that I have come to know through this project is loud and obnoxious. He swears often and brags about engaging in vulgar activities. His family owns a large settlement of land on which they raise purebred dogs as well as mutts, and run a veterinarian clinic and pound for strays. Kiba owns several dogs along with his family, but his personal pet is a small brown and white mutt named Akamaru. Akamaru is short, loud and annoying, like his master._

Neji read over his report. It would do for now; the English teacher didn't grade difficultly. And it was only a start. Hopefully as time went on he would learn more about the Inuzuka to write down. Well, he had better, as Neji would not accept a lower grade than an A.

Neji jerked when he heard his name called, and raised his head from its stooped position over the looseleaf. Looking around, he didn't see anyone trying to get his attention. Except for Tenten; the girl had declared herself his friend since he had had to work on a group project with her and Rock Lee. Neji didn't really mind, as she was smart and not constantly irritating. She would also prove useful in later years; she came from a prominent family, and such an alliance could prove beneficial to both family companies.

Most students at the Academy came from rich families, Neji and Hinata from Hyuuga Corp, Kiba from his show dog farm, Shino, whose parents worked for a prestigious college doing research on insect species, Ino and her family who grew flowers to sell to other shops as well as her own. Sasuke...whose family had practically run the police force. There were rumors that they had an underground company, where for the right price, one could rent a bodyguard or hire an assassin.

The only one who didn't quite match was Naruto. Yes, he was a part of the powerful Umino clan, but there was no way he could be related, with his light skin and hair and, and ...powerfully blue eyes.

Neji heard someone call his surname again. _Who the hell!_ Growing frustrated by now, Neji scanned the room for someone with a low enough voice to have said his name. "Hy-" There it was, a third time. Neji's eyes locked on the boy.

"Hya-choo!" A. Sneeze.

"Dammit, I don't have a fucking cold! Someone's talking about me!" A male student several seats away from Neji complained to his neighbor. Ahhhh. How embarrassing.

Neji turned back to his work. Being a Hyuuga had its detriments. Like, getting your name mixed up with a sneeze. The distance had distorted the sound, so Neji had gotten confused. Sad, really, as it was the first time that year he had made that particular mistake. Such a err was not befitting of a Hyuuga.

Glancing over at Naruto, though, Neji found it proper to blush. The boy was so animated. So happy.

Why did Hyuuga Hiashi not want Hinata to be alone with him, then?

-

"Soooo, Shikamaru-kun, tell me about yourself," Naruto drawled in flirtatious prose.

Shikamaru had the grace to control the blood rushing to his face and keep it to an unnoticeable level. So unnoticeable that Naruto didn't notice. But the bespectacled Sasuke did.

_FuckingbastardmakingnicewithmyNaruto-kunI'mgonnakillhimriphistofastbeatingheartright outofhischest_—

"I like to watch clouds. And sleep." With some more prodding from Naruto, "I have a mom and a dad. But my dad's totally whipped by her. Its kinda pathetic..." Shikamaru's renewed blush was visible, but Naruto passed it off as embarrassment about his parents.

_Or are you only telling yourself that, Naruto?_

Naruto shook off the voice in the back of his head and continued to question Shikamaru, to no avail. The lazy boy hadn't like a_ny_ of the activities Naruto suggested.

"Well, what do you like!"

Shikamaru paused. "I like... Na-"

"HE LIKES----NATURE! That's right, nature, you're so stupid, Shikamaru, it took you so long to get around to saying that you like nature, tch, you really are a lazy ass." Sasuke had jumped out of his seat and found himself pointing at the ponytailed brunette. _Do what you like, I don't care, you just can't have Naruto, Naruto, Naruto..._

_Ummmmm..._

The entire class stared at Sasuke and his outburst. As did Naruto. And Shikamaru. And Jiraya.

Shikamaru felt his eyes shrinking into little tiny, minuscule dots. And his nose disappearing. Along with his mouth. He also vaguely noticed that his body and clothes were losing definition, like the artist that drew him had gotten lazy.

"Well, that was weird." Jiraya-sensei broke the silence with an absurd chuckle.

-

The end of the day. What a fucking godsend. Seriously, whoever invented the end of the school day was a genius.

Naruto groaned into his arms before stretching and sweeping all of his supplies into his bag with one swing of his arm.

"Well come on, you two, look alive!" Naruto shrieked.

_They're flinching, like everyone else did, you should leave before its too late._

_You should just give up, shrimpy._

_GETAWAY, GET AWAY, YOU DON'T WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH THAT SORT_

_They don't really like you._

"Yo, Naruto. Naruto. Naaaaruuuutoooo!" Sasuke peered into Naruto's opaque eyes while Shikamaru tried to get his attention by snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Oh?" Naruto uttered intelligiblyas he was brought back to earth.

"Ch, that's weird Naruto." Shikamaru looked away and mumbled.

"What's that, Shikamaru-kun?"

"I said I was worried for a minute there!" Shikamaru was visibly red. Naruto's eyes curved into smiles.

"Reeeaaaaalllly, worried about meeeeee?" Tee-hee.

Shikamaru blushed harder, shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked away. "Ch, you're so troublesome."

"Awww, you don't mean that, Shika-shika-kun, you _caaaaaarrrree._" Naruto slithered up to Shikamaru to tease him some more.

"NO!"

Sasuke was just left to feel like a third wheel. _Geez, what does he see in him anyway?_ "Can we go now?"

The other two froze and looked over at the pissed Uchiha.

"Anou, sorry Sasu. Didn't mean to leave you out like that..." Naruto excused.

_Wait...What?_

"Eh, what did you call me?" Sasuke's neck creaked when he turned to look at the blonde. (He had been turning around to leave before.) Surely...he hadn't just been called, Sasu?

"Sasuke? Your name, yanno?" Naruto was puzzled.

"...ok..." Well, if he said so...

"Well come on Sasu," _gaah! He did it again!_ " we gotta go since you two are so boring! I'll have to figure out what you like!"

_But I like you, Naruto._

Maybe Sasuke wasn't used to thinking that he liked anyone, period, but he decided that if he hadn't liked any of the girls throwing themselves at him, he might as well like a boy. So his sudden admittance came quite naturally.

_And it certainly wasn't because of that ass comment he gave Kakashi last night._

-

"Anou sa, anou sa! Since Sasu and Shikamaru-kun are so boring, we'll do what I like first!" Naruto cringed at his overly uber happy voice. So...energetic.

"...Whatever, dobe."

_Whatever...DOBE!_

Naruto swung around from the front of the group, where he had been skipping merrily. Merrily, dammit! "What did you call me, shit face?" He grinned in a eerie, feral way. No way in hell was _Sasu-chan_ getting away with calling him dobe.

Sasuke looked at Naruto blandly. "You call me Sasu, I call you dobe."

_We'll see about that, Sasu-chan._

If anything, Naruto's grin widened. Like a yawning, gaping maw and Sasuke's glasses were magnifying glasses over his eyes and would make it keep stretching and stretching until–

It broke.

Sasuke blinked. Naruto had turned back around and had grabbed onto Shikamaru's arm to make him walk faster to their destination, wherever that was.

There was no way that...

Sasuke pinched his wire-rimmed glasses off the bridge of his nose and wiped them off on his shirt while no one was looking.

We wouldn't want anyone to think that Sasuke was a nerd, now would we?

-

"Here it is!" Naruto cheered. Ramen Stand. How original.

But...Naruto just didn't like the Nara or Uchiha enough to take them to Ichiraku. Ichiraku was for only Iruka and Naruto. Only them.

But this place made decent enough ramen, marginally better than the instant kind that came out of a cup.

Cup ramen was good enough for Shikamaru and Sasuke.

"It's a ramen stand, Naruto." Shikamaru drawled.

"That's right, it is."

"...do you work here or something?" Sasuke opted to monotone. Drawling was sooo not cool.

"...noooooooooooo." Naruto sweated. _What the hell was wrong with these two, aside from the obvious?_

"Then, why are we here?" Sasuke tilted his head from side to side a little bit, and raised and eyebrow.

Naruto was starting to feel like he was on crack. The strong kind.

"We're going to eat ramen, you moron. That's why we're at a ramen stand, yanno?" Naruto raised his eyebrow as well. Like hell Sasu-chan would beat him at an eyebrow-raising contest.

Sasuke only deepened one eyebrow and raised the other a few millimeters.

_Grrrrr...can't...raise...eyebrows! Stuck! A-A-aah–ahh!_

Naruto howled and clapped his hands over his forehead.

But he could still see Sasuke's Smirk of Triumph. Copyright, that. That smirk could shine through his hands, his eyelids, and burn them out, until his eyes popped and sizzled from tearing up with boiling hot, salty liquid.

"Shut up, dobe, you're so loud." Sasuke decided to distract Naruto with another insult. He crossed his arms and scowled for good measure. Like, the cherry on top of the sundae.

"Oh yeah! Well no one else seems to care, Sasuke, waddya have to say to that, huh?" Naruto throat was raw and his voice raspy, but he still spoke quickly and with vigor. Shikamaru was reminded strongly of a child that was being defensive because the other kids kept picking on him.

"Give up, Uchiha, you're just gonna cause trouble." Shikamaru sighed. He grabbed Naruto's arm and pulled him away from where he was still glaring at Sasuke and towards a stool.

"Yeah, everything's troublesome to _you, _Shikamaru." Sasuke snarled under his breath.

-

"Oi, oi, ramen guy! Sasu-chan wants beef ramen!" he stood on the lower rungs of his stool and waved frantically at the bartender.

"Wha-What the Fuck?" Sasuke's voice rose an octave...or three...let's make it eight, for good measure.

"Oh, did you not want beef, Sasu-chan?" Naruto swivelled on his precarious perch. "Oi, make that a chicken, too. I'll eat the beef if he doesn't want it."

"I don't want beef or chicken! And that's not why I'm upset!"

"He doesn't want to be called Sasu-chan, Naru. He doesn't want people to think he's weaker than he already looks, with those nerdy glasses and girly face." Shikamaru commented snidely.

"ummmmm..." Naruto didn't say anything and the group fell into an uncomfortable silence, while Sasuke glared at Shikamaru.

_Owch. That had to be a blow to his masculine pride._

_Hehe. Pretty funny, actually. _

But while Naruto's insides were chuckling amusedly, Shikamaru was sweating under the icy-cold pressure of Sasuke's glare. Naruto coughed.

"Erm, that was...a little harsh, Shika." Sasuke almost smirked when Naruto came to his defense. But he continued glaring at Shikamaru, who was trembling slightly. Sasuke was a little...pleased. Without the aid of the wire-rimmed abominations, he wouldn't have been able to tell, the movement was so well concealed.

"Soooo...umm...ramen! Yay!" The after-school snack was served. And Naruto ate twice as much as Shikamaru and Sasuke...combined.

-

Naruto's arms were waving, and he could imagine how he looked to Shikamaru and Sasuke. Like a god, Adonis, with his golden hair reflecting off of the setting sun, silhouetting his features, exempting his eyes which glowed like the sky had only a few hours prior, and his hair forming a halo and his arms raised above his head. Because no one else would think that way about him, for him.

_Your'E SOO vAIIN, I betcha think this SONG IS AbOUT you, YOU'RE SOO–VAIN-_

What Sasuke and Shikamaru saw was a wraith. A pale, ghostly figure so thin and gaunt that his hip bones were visible when his untucked shirt rose over his belly as his arms swayed above his head. Shikamaru offered a wave and Sasuke just stood, before turning and glaring at his first rivalNever would Sasuke forgive Shikamaru for his loss of face, or for liking Naruto.

Sasuke and Shikamaru parted ways, and Naruto headed to his upscale apartment.

Time to reminisce, Naruto.

To be continued...hurrah!

Ummm...there isn't a typo there. I typed the previous chapter and this one at once and was originally going to post them at one time, and then I was too lazy to go back and fix that...

2. Ooh, we don't know that yet, do we?And you'll never know unless you mention to me that you want to! Does no one value comedy around here!

3. Those of you who read Grimm's fairy tales might know that a pink is also a flower. So, I'm not calling her a color, but it's kinda a play on words, cause a sakura blossom is a flower, and her hair is pink, and umm...

Ok! End of authors notes.Wow, this is mostly dialogue. Did anyone notice how I have a penchant for having a character say a line, not do anything after that, and have another character say a line? Nope, none of that, Naruto said angrily stuff.

If you really, really love me...you won't expect another super-long chapter


	6. Chapter Without Meaning

1

Heh, heh, sorry about not updating for a while...I was busy. Yah know, family, hospitals, trauma, the like, but I lucked out because I got an extra review for waiting! That brings the count for the previous chapter up to...three! Um, wow, let's...not do that again, ok?

**EXTRA AT THE BOTTOM! YOU ALL BETTER LOVE ME FOR THIS! **

Animelvr4evr: I...don't allow anonymous reviews? When did that happen? Trickster computer...Well, don't I feel stupid, I thought that it automatically allowed them unless I said not too...get I got that one backwards. Anyway, thankies, 1st reviewer for chapter five!

Crazy Mishka: Wah! You _do _rate the Orochimaru laugh! A belated Oro-laugh for you! Kukukukkuku! Because, I can't tell you the specifics of why the adults (and their kids in most cases) hate Naruto, I will tell you that it's not his fault. Like the anime/manga. Ahh, yes, panty flashed with Sakura are gross, aren't they. I didn't really want to put that, but I couldn't think of anything else. And, at the risk of sounding...well, like the dumb preps at my school, omg! We have something in common! I love my gay friends too!

The New Shinigami Hikari: Fwee! I'm cool! Ye-ah! I'm updating especially for you, because today I planned on updating anyway!

Disclaimer- All standard disclaimers apply. Rights to Naruto do not belong to me. (Ha, I bet you were hoping for one of my super hI-larious disclaimers, but I didn't give you one! Ha! Shit on your face, suckers! flips you the bird Gahaha!)

Chapter 6- Chapter Without Meaning

Friiii-Day! TGIF! And...Sleepover Day for the NarutoSasukeShikamaru Trio!

Wait, you wouldn't know about that, would you?

Of course you wouldn't.

-

Naruto yawned and stretched. And stretched and yawned some more. And– someone was staring at him. (Actually, several people were, and his stretching abdomen. But...Naruto didn't look.)

Who was it? Who was it this time. Naruto slyly looked around–like a fox. Who? Was it...no, not him, he was asleep, but the glare was definitely coming from that area. No? Maybe? Naruto sorted the surrounding students, one by one, examining and discarding them, until he came upon a match.

Now, he couldn't be sure, all he had to go upon was a flashing pair of green eyes and a sweep of pink hair being flung to the side as his eyes sought to meet his near-tormentor, but not sure was good enough for him.

_Bitch. Bitch._

_Rip her hair out. Her prettily hideous pink hair._

_And her eyes. Those envious green eyes, just gauge them out, like–_

_What would they feel like? Like peeled grapes? Would they pop and squish? Would they...bleed in pretty red rivulets?_

_I wanna feel it , I wanna I wanna I wanna!_

"Umino-------san." The teacher's voice resounded through the room, his bizarre pronunciation and all. U-mino and san, with a kind of final formality, to it. "Did you finish your work, Umino—san?"

"Yes, sen-sei." Naruto patronized. Sen----sei. He could be final, too.

"Very well, then." Well, well, well. Even here the teachers targeted him. Or maybe, the whole arm-raising thing had attracted his attention. The teacher talked like a foreigner, so the odds that the large man didn't know anything about those little stories circulating about him.

_Good god it's like cotton candy maybe I can eat it–_

Oopsie. Naruto actually hadn't finished his work. Shitfuck. Still leaning back in his chair a bit, Naruto picked up his pencil and craftily set to work. Craftily, mind you, so the teacher wouldn't see. Which, he needn't have bothered with, as the teacher practically had sweat pouring down his face as he tried to grade papers written in his second language.

With his head tilted back, Naruto stared at the completed math worksheet. It had hurt like hell writing with his wrist bent like that, and for his pain he had received shaky almost-images of letters and symbols. Ah, well...he really should do it more respect. Math was one of the only constant things in his life, always the same, like Iruka-nii. Maybe, when he grew up and moved away, he could become an artist using geometric figures. Or random orange splotches...maybe. Just maybe.

Unh. Friday. He had to turn in those two essays and sketches of Uchiha and Nara. _Uchiha Sasuke has an immortal stick up his ass. It will always be there, and will never go away. That is what the stick is, because there is no other explanation for Sasuke always brooding around when everyone loves him soooooo much. Whenever he walks into a room, all the girls coo like a candy store with their favorite flavors just opened or there's a sale in a posh store with fashionable clothes that fit just right. I guess he's just the type that doesn't like attention._ His sketch...he had drawn an ass with a stick up it. Just kidding...he wished he had, though. That was the kind of annoying thing Naruto would do. But, this place, and these people...Jiraya-sensei didn't seem to care about anyone, really. He just sat down at his desk and drew perverted pictures and wrote perverted stories in front of everyone. (Naruto knew, because he had walked up to ask where the shading tortillions were kept at one point. Top left cabinet, just where he couldn't reach.) It was strange, though, the people Naruto had befriended, if one could call it that, seemed hard to get to know by reputation.

Neji too arrogant, Hinata too shy, Shikamaru too lazy, Chouji too fat. Ino was far too aggressive in her pursuit of Sasuke to really make good friends with any of the other girls.

_They all...seem to spend a lot of time alone. _Naruto felt his eyes flickering from side to side as the classroom came to life as the pupils finished their work.

"Ah, Ah, you may talk quietly with a friend if you are finished your work," the teacher enunciated in broken Japanese.

Shikamaru stood and made his way over to Naruto's desk. Naruto noticed Sasuke glaring in his direction out of the corner of his eye. Shikamaru felt the heat of Sakura and her group, which had clustered itself around one desk, periodically glare in Naruto's direction before continuing with whatever girly conversations they had.

"Heya, Shikamaru!" Naruto's voice was a lot more energetic than he looked. "Ya lookin forward to the sleepover tonight?"

"Don't say it like that Naruto, you make us sound like girls." Shikamaru sighed._ And, you already look pretty enough to be one._ And, Naruto did, as usual. At present, he appeared bored, and more than a little stoned with his usually vibrant blue eyes dull and half lidded.

"I don't..." Naruto paused. "I just" What? What would he say to that? What was there _to _say? Why did these moments, moments when all thought escaped him, come at such times? What could he say to make Shikamaru understand what he was thinking?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

No one, except maybe Iruka, sometimes in 'situations', got to know what went on in Naruto's head.

-

By now, surely one must want to know just how this sleepover came about, before it actually does. (Come about, I mean)

"_Anou sa, anou sa, you two!" despite Naruto's loudly entreating voice, neither of his partners heard him. "Yoo-hoo!" It was lunch time, and Sasuke was desperately searching for a refuge from his own hell, one full of navy skirts and cooing extols; Shikamaru, was, for once, hurrying to get somewhere. Where or what, exactly, eluded Naruto. "HEY!"_

_Eventually, Shikamaru and Sasuke heeded his calls. The two halted and began to turn around, stopping when they realized they had been walking near each other to exchange a round of glares. When their eyes turned towards the blonde gaki, Sasuke's eyes retained their hardness while the Nara's softened into an exasperated expression through reflex._

"_What is it Naruto?" It doesn't really matter which of the pair asked; if it had been Sasuke, it would have been monotoned, Shikamaru, mildly nettled. Apparently, the latter had been on a mission of a sort._

"_We need to do something! I wrote my paragraphs about you two, and they really blow! So we need to hang out or something and get to know each other 'cos I'm not gonna do badly just because you two are so boring I have to wait a week for each of you to do somethin' worth writing down!" Naruto's lightly tanned face was red from the exertion of his rant._

"_Well what do you suggest we do, Concerned-for-his-grade-san?" Sasuke mimicked a voice he had heard from a girl in a catfight with another (over him, incidentally.) _

"_This is troublesome. I'm busy tonight, anyway." Shikamaru stated blandly._

"_Eh? Well what about Friday night? Are you guys doing anything?" Naruto squinted in case either was lying. _

"_No, but it's Friday night..." Shikamaru began reluctantly. Sasuke just stood, but he wasn't looking forward to a Friday night with the Nara either._

"_So what if it's a Friday night?" Clueless as ever, Naruto. At least the other two thought._

"_Well, Fridays are when I sleep a lot..." _

"_Aww, come on, Shikamaru! Hey, I know! Heehee, we can have a sleepover!" Naruto gave a shit-eating grin. _

"_Anou– where, exactly, would this sleepover be, exactly?" Shikamaru toed the subject cautiously. Sasuke just waited for the aftermath on the sidelines._

"_Urk...well...we could have more than one...at each of our homes...but for the first..." Naruto and Shikamaru turned to Sasuke expectantly. _

"_No."_

"_Come on, Sasu-"_

"_NO"_

"_Sasu-sasu!" _

"_I said no, dobe."_

"_Pur-leeze. You're the most anti-social, you know. Just get it out of the way!"_

"_He's right, Sasuke. You talk less than me. And you're mean, too."_

"_..." Sasuke decided to ponder the matter. "No."_

"_Argh! Sasuke! Do you want to fail this project!" That gave Sasuke a reason for consideration. There were...a couple of people he wanted to be proud of him..._

"_Fine."_

"_Sasu, don't be like tha- what?" Naruto was speechless on the outside. But, that shit-eating grin was still there, on the inside. It's the insides that count, too._

"_Fine. Bring your stuff to school Friday. I'll have a ride waiting for us." According to Sasuke, the plans could not be debated._

"_Well then, if that's settled..." Shikamaru sprinted away. Probably for the first, and last time in his life. His thighs would be hurting like hell later._

"_Saaa-ssuuuu-keeeee-kuuuuuuun!" _

"_Oh, shit." Now, don't be mislead; Sasuke would never say such a thing out loud. But his expression said it clearly enough that it wouldn't have mattered anyway._

"_Sasuke-san, watch you're language in the halls." a passing teacher reprimanded._

_Sasuke ended up eating with Naruto. The weirdos wouldn't follow him there. Though, it may have had some detrimental effects. Sasuke didn't think the hole drilled in his forehead from Neji's glare would ever completely go away._

_-_

"AAARRGGhh" Naruto stretched, again. He was feeling kind of stiff today. Another class come and gone, though, so maybe he could stretch out his aching shoulders and legs during lunch break. **(1)**

When he could stretch no more without attracting too much untoward attention, Naruto drooped, by crossing one leg on the seat of the chair and hunching his shoulders. One...more class to go until lunch...good god, he was hungry...what time was it?

Oh, yeah, super boring art class.

"Okay, bratlies, hand in your work so I can fail you all." Jiraya breezed into the class. Naruto hoped his threat was empty. In fact, Naruto hoped he was one of those teachers who didn't really grade papers at all, that he would just pass them for being turned in.

_Uh-oh, I don't know how he'll take to that ass stick thing..._

_Or, my repetitive Shikamaru-is-lazy theme..._

_Shizzat. Double shizzat._

"Aww, come on, pass them to the front and towards my desk so I don't have to _move_, you bakas!" Jiraya whined. Naruto decided that he wouldn't have to worry. "Go put your sketches in your folders. I'll grade them later." Totally not likely.

"Ohm..." Still in his hunched position, Naruto pretended that he knew how to meditate. _Maybe Iruka-kun and I could do something like that..._

"Naruto." It was Shikamaru-kun. "You want me to take up those pictures for you?" What was this? Nara Shikamaru, extending an offer to expend more physical effort than necessary?

Guess it is.

"Naw, I'll take it up." Naruto leaped up, (quite a feat, considering his previous position), and spiraled his arms like a windmill. "I'll do it," he reiterated.

Naruto bent over and retrieved the two sketches from his portfolio, which he had brought with him on this fine day so he could work on next week's portion at Sasuke's, just in case he got inspired. Naruto was sure he would; he could smell it, and he had dreamt it.

_Your instincts are heightened, aren't they? From it. IT._

_Why yes, yes they are._

_Why are you talking about yourself like that? That'so weird. Weirdweirdweird._

_Fuh-reak. Freak._

Shikamaru peered over the sheets of paper to see what Naruto's sketch of him had been; Naruto whipped it away so that Shikamaru couldn't see the stick figure, composed of elegant strokes made with a mechanical pencil. From a distance, or at first glance, it appeared as something a skilled five year old would draw; if one were to look at it, really look, examine it, they would see the deliberation that went into each and every graphite line.

It kind of fit Shikamaru's personality, Naruto thought. That someone his age would draw a stick figure, would give off the impression that the artist was horribly dreadful or lazy. Naruto wasn't so sure about the former, but the latter was a definite characteristic of The Lazy Nara's personality.

Besides, if Jiraya-sensei was paying attention, he would see that the carelessness that was apparent at first glance was on purpose, especially if he looked at Naruto's drawing of Sasuke.

Sasuke's picture...wasn't quite up to par with what Naruto usually drew (he didn't draw portraits, unless Iruka-kun wanted him to, to show off), but it was decent. (Y'all get a description of Shikamaru's pic and Sasuke's paragraph. Switch-off. Heh)

Naruto walked stiffly to the back cupboards, where folders for in-school work was kept, and painstakingly put his work into the folded cardboard. Kiba looked on from the corner of his eye, but didn't pay him much mind. "Hey, Kiba," Naruto grinned, before waving a little bit and returning to his desk to converse with his partners.

_Conversely_, Kiba stood with his papers in hand and stared after the other boy. _He...smiled at me._ Kiba thought, before shaking his head in a disgruntled way and putting his stuff away. He should get back to his group, too...

-

Hyuuga Neji was quite excited. Not a common occurrence, to one who knows anything about the solemn boy. He sat quietly by Aburame Shino, another sober boy, who was also in his class. The silence was only dispelled by the Inuzuka, a loud student to offset the other two indifferent pupils. It was rumored that the Hyuuga's white eyes saw all, throughout Konoha. It was whispered, behind doors, behind hands, that the handsome, sad cousin of the Hyuuga heiress had inherited a gift stronger than she. That it was quite and insult, as he wasn't direct in line to run the company by blood, even though he undoubtedly would; Hinata-sama simply didn't have the personality to run a company, to sell out so called allies and to know when the company was being sold out.

Neji's excited self sat in his chair, and absently pretended to be listening to Kiba; he was watching Naruto, watching the room. Neji's creamy white eyes watched the way the Inuzuka boy pointedly looked anywhere but where Naruto was sitting, the way Shino was positioned to watch Naruto out of the corner of his eyes and be unseen behind his shaded glasses. He watched Naruto emphatically yell at Sasuke for being so quiet and unopinioned.

Why was Neji excited? It wasn't because Naruto would be sleeping overnight with two potential rivals; no it wasn't. It wasn't because he had stumbled upon two more who had taken a liking to the blonde (one was in denial still, and one was far to shy to make a move). It was, because despite all the disadvantages Neji seemed to have, from the sheer _population_ of Naruto's fans, that next period was lunch break, and he would eat with Naruto, and hear him speak, even if it wasn't only to him.

-

"Wheee!" Naruto raised his arms over his head for what felt like the billionth time, and ran towards the door towards the autumn chill. When his shirt came untucked and the cold air hit his belly, he hunched over from the stomach cramp it gave him. "Ooohh"

Sasuke wrinkled his nose and followed him out, with both of their lunches. "You forgot it, dobe."

"Huh? What? Oh, my lunch! Thank you, Sasu!" Naruto grinned up at Sasuke, still bent over.

Sasuke wanted to smile back, to blush, to laugh, maybe apologize for saying it so rudely. But he couldn't, no no no he couldn't do it. Instead he twitched a bit around the eyes and looked away. He had to restrain his impulses, and looking at Naruto while he was bent over like that– no. Now, Sasuke wasn't being perverted, no he wasn't. He was just...happy, that Naruto would reveal the back of his neck to him like that, be so vulnerable. To Sasuke, who had seen the dead bodies of all of his family minus one, presenting your back to a person was a sign of friendship, of trust. Did Naruto trust him? Did Naruto want to be his friend? Or maybe he just didn't expect to be attacked in school. But Sasuke didn't know about Naruto's experiences with that.

"Ne, ne Sasu, let's go sit," Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm and pulled him over to his usual spot, where Ino and Hinata were already waiting.

Sasuke suffered to be led to Naruto's place like a dog. Because Sasuke was grateful to Naruto; without Naruto, Sasuke would be surrounded by all those girls. Weird, weird girls. He had heard rumors, that some were writing stories about him and posting them on the internet. Sasuke had very nearly snorted when he heard this; what a bunch of losers.

"Hello, Naruto-kun!" Hinata said brightly. Sasuke scowled. "H-hello, Sasuke-san..." Apparently, Hinata had stopped stuttering from being familiar with Naruto. _So soon? It's only been a few days!_ Sasuke knew he had to get a move on if he wanted a chance with the pretty blonde boy. Hinata, that Nara and half the class he had caught staring at Sasuke's territory.

"Sasu, why are you angry?" When Naruto inquired so _inquisitively_, Sasuke just had to stop and let go. Well, within reason.

"I'm not. Just lost my train of thought, is all." Sasuke responded with a trademarked smirk.

_He's lying he's lying he's lying _

_DON'T BELIEVE HIM YOU MORON_

"Whatever you say, Sa-su-chan" Naruto sing-songed. Sing-song, sing-song.

_We'll sing and see and song and sail–_

_All by ourself, koi-kun, ourself ourself ourself ourself_

_AISHITERU KOI-KUN DO YOU LOVE MEEEEEE?_

"Naruto, don't accuse me of spacing and then do it yourself."

"Eh, eh?" Naruto wrinkled his nose adorably, like a baby. "What's that, Sasu?"

"I said" "Oooh! Iruka packed me ramen!" An interrupted Sasuke sat back a bit and allowed his disgruntled expression to show. "Ramen ramen ramen, I love ramen."

"I, for one, think there is way to much singing going on here," Ino contributed. Sasuke silently agreed with her, but switched his glare to her nevertheless.

"Ooof, hwai Neesshi!"

"Hello, Naruto," Neji nodded and sat down near Naruto. Sasuke decided to have a glaring contest with him.

-

"I wonder...what kind of pajamas Naruto-kun wears..." Shikamaru thought to himself. Nope. He most definitely did not say that out loud. _I bet...they're really cute..._

Buh-RING. The bell rang. For the last time that week. Because, it was the last period of the last day of the week. (AN: I know, in Japan they have a half day on Saturday or something. But, this isn't Japan. This is KONOHA, a weird place that only conforms to some Japanese customs. What?)

"SHIKA-KUN!" Oww. That was a real loud yell that had been yelled into Shika-kun's ear. _Oops. I meant...my ear. Not talking about myself in third person, no I'm not._

"Naruto, don't be so loud right next to me. It hurts." Shikamaru said. But...Naruto had a different opinion.

"Anou sa, anou sa, Shika-kun, did you just whine?" Shikamaru decided that Naruto looked entirely too entertained.

"No."

"Yes, yes you did! No, more than that, you _mewled! _You're so funny, Shikamaru!" Naruto gave off a high-pitched giggle.

"Quit making fun of me."

"No way, Shika-shika!"

"But it's troublesome!"

"That's a really pathetic excuse! I'm too wily to fall for that!"

"Pfft. Yeah, right."

"Hey!"

"HEY!" Sasuke hollered. Yeah, hollering was definitely the style nowadays.

The other two boys stopped in their banter and stared, so Sasuke swallowed.

"Umm, you're really...um, hnn." He cleared his throat and looked away.

"Oh, yeah, we're supposed to go to where Sasu lives!" Naruto cheered. "Let's go, let's go!"

"Whatever. Troublesome" Shikamaru picked up his knapsack, which he had kept conveniently beside his desk to avoid the trouble of moving too much to pick it up.

"I'll go get my stuff! I'll be right back!" Naruto rushed to his locker (it was shaped more like a cubby, square, but it had a door) and fumbled with the door. "Arrgh!" and the bag came out.

_Bring enough stuff?_

"Umm..." Shikamaru and Sasuke stared at Naruto. "You really came prepared, didn't you?"

Naruto was packing his briefcase for school (suspiciously light, it was), as well as a knapsack similar to Shikamaru's for his clothing and a portfolio with paper and supplies to complete next weeks artwork. "I only want to finish it early!" he protested.

Shikamaru and Sasuke only stared, shook their heads, and headed out to the subway station and ultimately, the apartment shared by Sasuke and Kakashi.

"Wow, you have to do this every day, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, vaguely impressed.

"Do what?" Sasuke had honestly no idea what Naruto was talking about.

"You know, take the subway everyday," Shikamaru answered, like it was _oh-so-obvious._

"Yeah, yeah! It takes so long! You probably have to get up really early!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Well, I don't get up _that _ear-"

"I mean, it takes almost half an hour! And you have to make sure you don't miss your stop! I mean, I drive with Iruka-kun and it takes about fifteen minutes with traffic and all, and I can sleep if I'm tired cause he'll wake me up!" Sasuke reeled from the sheer amount of words Naruto was sending out of his mouth. His pretty, pink mouth. How could such a pretty pink mouth talk so much?

"Naruto, we should not talk so Uchiha can invite us in," Shikamaru interrupted Naruto's spiel.

"Eh? Oh, right," Naruto opted to sheepishly scratch the back of his head. "So, Sasuke..."

"...Come on." Sasuke wasn't sure if he could bear a whole night of this. _For Naruto..._ Damn that Shikamaru! Thrice! THRICE!

-

"I don't think Kakashi's home yet, so if you want, we can get some snacks, and order out later." Sasuke murmured, barely loud enough to hear. "But if he doesn't get home by five, we can order out on our own."

"Ok, Sasuke," Naruto replied, subdued. But from what?

"Naruto, what's wrong with you?" Shikamaru wanted to growl. What had made him act so–?

"Huh? Well Sasu's acting depressed, so I didn't want to make him sadder!"

"I'm not acting depressed, Naruto."

"Well, then why were you mumbling!"

"...some people like to cut down on the noise once in a while, dobe." Sasuke was visibly drooping by now. Hours and hours and hours...good god. Why couldn't he have chosen someone quieter to like?

Oh well. Too late to change it now, he was stuck lusting after blondie until they got married. Or, screwed. Close enough, right?

"Sorry. Iruka-kun says I get too loud every once in a while." Naruto scratched the back of his head apologetically and sheepishly, like he was ashamed of doing something so childish.

_Are you really?_

_Are you really sorry, Koi-kun? _

'_Cause, I don't think you are._

_I think you're lying lying lying about it all, all of it._

_Because you're not loud around Iruka-kun at all, are you?_

"So, you mentioned snacks?" A swift change of subject was always beneficial, Naruto thought.

"Yeah, you did mention snacks, Uchiha."

"Pah, you just want snacks cause you know that means you'll get to sit down, Nara." Sasuke retorted snidely.

"Pah yourself, Uchiha," Shikamaru returned just as snidely.

Grrrrroooooowwwwll. The room shook slightly.

"Hate to break up the tension, but..." Naruto grinned. Inside he thought of cartoons he had seen when he was little, where the fog was so thick that the main character could cut it with a knife, in the shape of a doughnut, and eat it. But emotional tension was not fog, and it could not be eaten. Besides, it would taste bad, bitter.

"Yeah. Tea?" Sasuke stood up straight and led the way to the kitchen.

"Sure!"

"Whatever."

"'kay then."

About twenty minutes later, the tea was done and each of the three was either sipping from their cup or nibbling at their pocky, which Naruto insisted they have once he found Kakashi's secret stash. (Beforehand, Sasuke had been slightly worried that the cartons were old and uneatable, but when Naruto pointed out the expiration date, he concluded that his guardian had added something new to the grocery list that week. How wrong he was, he would never find out.)

-

"We should...do something." The boys had been sitting at the table for some time now. They had finished their tea and pocky at least ten minutes ago, maybe fifteen.

"No shit, Sherlock." Shikamaru jibed at Sasuke.

Naruto sighed. Long, long night this would be. "..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"?. !" Naruto was rapidly becoming alarmed. "Stop glaring at each other!"

"...But I was winning, Naruto!" Sasuke cried.

"Hah! I was sooooo kicking your ass, Uchiha!" Shikamaru scoffed.

"No you weren't! Fuck you!"

"GyaaH! Stop stop stop!" Naruto had stood, and with each 'stop' he slammed his palms onto the tabletop.

"You guys are going to stop gl-aring at each other or I'll kill you!" Naruto pointed, his left hand and pointer finger wavering from one classmate to the other. "Sasuke!"

Said boy jumped. "Wha-what?"

"What is there to do around here!"

He gulped. "Well, stores, we could go to the movies or-or watch one here, we have homework, I guess. No-nothing different from anywhere else." _That's right. Everything's ordinary._

"Ok..." Naruto considered their options. "We'll watch TV for now. We'll get started on our homework later." He paused again, in thought. "Sasuke, where will we be sleeping?"

"Dunno. I guess out there. In the living room. I'll get some sleeping bags from somewhere..." Finally, he was regaining some of his manly courageousness.

"Then we'll put our bags somewhere out of the way," Naruto declared, and marched out of the kitchen to do just that. _He certainly knows how to make himself at home,_ Sasuke and Shikamaru thought in unison. Then they looked at each other, knew that they had thought the same thing, (they are geniuses, after all), and banged their heads on the table in disgust.

"I said STOP THAT!" Naruto screamed from the living room. "GET OUT HERE!" Naruto had a very ugly temper. Quite the opposite of his face.

-

By the time Kakashi arrived home (six o'clock) with an abnormally cheery "Heya, Sasuke!", the boys were watching reruns of old sitcoms.

Naruto's first impression of him was that Hatake Kakashi was the spitting image of the working husband from old TV shows. Ducking through the doorway with a briefcase in a suit and tie, holding a newspaper from earlier that day over his head in a sort of wave. Well, spitting image minus the creepy mask and eye patch.

"These your friends, Sasuke?" Still way too cheerful, Sasuke grumbled to himself. Besides, what an embarrassing question. Kakashi knew that he didn't have friends...and here he was, making that painfully obvious in front of Naruto.

"Yep! Well, Shikamaru and Sasu are kind of fighting right now, dunno why, though..." Naruto forgot to introduce himself. _It's cause that bastard ruined my confession, _Shikamaru growled internally. _I wanna...kill him so bad. But I'm not athletic, I wouldn't stand a chance..._

"Well, if you say so..." Kakashi trailed off, noticing Sasuke's blush. Because...Naruto is his friend. "I'll drop in when the food gets here! Money's on the counter! Feel free to leave me alone!" The silver-haired man ran to his room, and Sasuke cringed when he heard the creaking of springs from Kakashi's jumping onto the bed. _Probably to read some more of his perverted books...he looked like he was hiding his briefcase..._

"Well then," Naruto said, clapping his hands together, "Howsabout that dinner?"

-

After dinner (they had ordered Chinese...mmmm) Naruto cast a mandate. Said mandate dictated that the group had to work on their art project, since that was what they were spending so much time together for. There was no doubt in Naruto's mind, that once the project was over and done with, he would never see Shikamaru or Sasuke outside of school, or socialize with them within. Truthfully, he didn't mind. In fact, Naruto wanted it that way; it was how he lived his life, with only two constants, his mind and Iruka-kun.

Shikamaru lounged against the couch, which was conveniently (or inconveniently) positioned in front of the television. Sasuke, who found the furniture arrangement of his living room to be inconvenient, was squatting, squished up next to the TV, and attempting to sketch Shikamaru, who was busy with the writing segment of the project.

Naruto himself was laying adjacent to Sasuke. Neither of his partners had questioned him on who he was working on, and what part of the assignment he was completing. Naruto supposed they were still slightly afraid of him from earlier. Naruto shifted, and his arm brushed against the blank paper before him, producing a slight scuffling sound.

Sasuke looked in Naruto's direction, his attention diverted, and Naruto saw his final composition.

_HIS EYES _

_THEY FLASHED _

_RED REFLECTION LIKE AN ANIMAL'S_

They had, they had. When Sasuke had looked up, the lamplight from on the table beside the couch had reflected, right off of Sasuke's eyes, like a dog's would. Like a sequin, or a metal disk were placed right behind the dome of the eye, and reflected back so you couldn't see the iris or pupil, just one color that shouldn't be there. It was perfect, defined Sasuke's wary bestial personality.

Naruto couldn't break his gaze for several moments, even though Sasuke had already moved on. Not wanting to be caught staring, he dragged his eyes from Sasuke's profile and feverishly began to put to paper what he had already committed to memory.

"Hey Naruto, what are you doing?" Shikamaru leaned over to peer at Naruto's paper.

"Dammit, Shikamaru! Don't move!" Sasuke half-yelled.

"No, you can't look!" Naruto flung himself over the sheets of crisp white paper.

"Let me see!"

"NO!"

"What, did you draw something dirty?"

"P-pervert!"

Nope. Naruto definitely did not want to hang around these two once the project was over.

Afterwards, it was late. Rrreaaaalllly late. So, they went to bed. Shikamaru drooled a little bit when no one was looking, cuz Naruto wears really cute Pjs. Sasuke graciously laid out Naruto's blankets and other stuff, but rudely dumped Shikamaru's on the floor. Shikamaru cussed Sasuke out, because he had to bend over the pick them up and do a number of troublesome things. Then Shikamaru blanched, because he thought he would get in trouble it Kakashi heard him say that to his adoptive son. Kakashi only laughed from in his room where no one could hear, and continued to read his perverted books. The book store had gotten a new shipment, he had barely been able to fit all the books into his briefcase. Eventually, everyone went to sleep. Naruto snored, Shikamaru breathed loudly for a bit, and Sasuke didn't make much noise except to turn over once in a while. Kakashi...well, he didn't sleep. He had too much reading to do.

That weekend, Sakura decided to investigate the little anomaly that was Umino Naruto. That boy that had removed her beloved Sasuke-kun from within her sphere of influence. She giggled in a sinister way, her face aglow from the light of the computer screen before her. She clicked a button on the mouse. It was time to find out what the adults all found so detestable about blondie, one way or another.

more creepy Sakura giggling.

TO BE CONTINUED...EVENTUALLY.

**You're all so lucky. I included the showdown of the century, between Sasuke and Neji. Actually, it's just elaborating on that little glaring contest they had at lunch. Whose life sucks more? I don't know.**

**If you can't figure out who's who by the end of this, you're either really stupid or haven't seen much of the Naruto manga or anime. Or read my fanfic, apparently. Loser.**

Keep in mind that not all of this is true. Some was just made up to be funny, and other stuff is true, and from that you can probably figure stuff out. Just...whatever.

Glaring Contest

"I hate my family!"

"I hate my family more!"

"My parents ignored me!"

"My parents died!"

"So did mine!"

"My Uncle branded me! BRANDED!"

"Oh yeah, well my father called me a freak for having a crush on my brother!"

"I'm Cursed!"

"I'm stuck living with a pervert!"

"I'm a slave, dammit!"

"He's lazy and doesn't pick up after himself!"

"Slave! A slave! Just cause my dad was born second! And now he wants me to marry my COUSIN. EEEEEEWWWW!"(no offense to cousin-marriers if any are reading this)

"My brother hasn't come after me in years! He wouldn't play with me when we were younger! He doesn't love me!"

"...I think you're a little too hung up on your brother."

"..."

"But since you can't have him and Naruto, Naruto's mine now! Haha, bleargh!"

Picture Neji pulling his cheeks apart and sticking his tongue out. Then picture Sasuke caught between shame, embarrassment, and righteous anger that HIS Naruto is being taken away.

Well, only some of you deserved this longer chapter with the extra. But to those of you who do deserve it, thank you! I will do anything for you! Those of you who don't deserve this...

(Deserving-ness is defined by your reviewing at least once. Or more times. More times is better.)

...BURN IN HELL! ROT AND THEN BUUUUUUURN. I HOPE YOUR ASHES GET INCINERATED

In a few weeks or so, this fic will have a on hiatus sign stuck on the summary. Because, this fic is going on hiatus until I feel like writing for you bastards again! Wait, my computer says I spelled bastard wrong...huh, I guess bastard doesn't get to be pluralized.


	7. The Teaser

1Chapter Seven is significantly shorter than the others. About half the size, in fact, because I'm still mainly working on a Naruto/Ino fanfiction right now.

Crazy Mishka: You spurred me on again, Crazy Mishka! Yeah, Naruto's fanclub will grow and grow and grow and oh god I feel like I'm on crack and my hands are shaking so I can't type! Anyway, I will eventually get more inspiration. Right now I'm working on a het fic and a Shino/Naruto that might one day be posted as soon as my account stops being stupid...

Merkitten: I've re-written this response three times...okey dokee. I haven't decided whether Gaara-kun will show yet, because in my plans, he doesn't really fit, yanno? But hell, with me, plans always end up smoldering in some random corner of hell. So I wouldn't count on seeing him, but he might have a cameo or a starring part! Discombobulate is an actual word, too. Glad you like my fic! And...NAP TIME! No school means no waking up at five thirty in the morning! Boo-yah! I can work on reading, writing, drawing manga, watching anime...oh, the endless possibilities!

Disclaimer: One day I will definitely be the creator of a famous manga. But it won't be Naruto, because that's plagiarism.

Chapter Seven: The Teaser

I didn't really feel like writing this. Actually, I forgot what happened in this even though I wrote it. So lucky you, I'll write a not-twenty-page chapter. I'm limiting myself to between seven and twelve.

It's a beautiful day, to let it get away, Naruto, but you won't, you know that, don't you?

You can't let anyone know. You can't tell.

No one. NO ONE CAN FIND OUT ABOUT US, DO YOU HEAR?

No? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Good. Listen up, Naruto.

You're not good enough. Never enough, never will be.

They'll all be mean to you. Meaner than I'll ever be. Choose the lesser of two evils, please?

Do it. Just do it.

I know you want to.

-

Naruto woke up, gasping. Gasping loud. He looked around frantically. If one of the other boys had heard...well, he just didn't want them to get the wrong idea. That would be ...awkward. Pretty freakin' weird.

Two boys that stalked him constantly, and that his grade depended on...he didn't want them thinking that he got wet dreams all the time. Like he was a pervert or something. Even though he was, in soooo many ways, but he still didn't want them to know about it.

He didn't want them to know how sick he was.

Everyone at his old schools did.

That was why they hated, loathed, despised him. Morbid curiosity, how could one person be so _wrong?_

Good, they were still asleep.

_Clatter. Clunk._

Naruto tensed. What was that? He felt horribly vulnerable sitting there in his soiled pants and sleeping bag. Without his contacts. What could possibly be such a bastard-ish thing as to ruin his dream-time?

_You know what it is. Don't you, Naruto._

_No, no I don't._

"Oh, you're awake, Umino-san." Hatake Kakashi (Sasuke's caretaker) stuck his head in through the kitchen door. Entrance. There wasn't a door in the doorway. "Pancakes?"

"Ermm..." Naruto squirmed imperceptibly at the sight of an adult wearing a tie tied around his forehead. And at being stared at in such an embarrassing situation. It made him feel...so un-god-like.

"Unless, of course, you would prefer washing up first." Oh, that bastard was grinning underneath his juvenile mask. Who the hell wore masks, anyway? "I won't tell if you don't."

"Ahm, thanks." Naruto opted to wash up. He stood and slipped out of his (Sasuke's!) sleeping bag and hobbled over to the bathroom.

"You can use the one in my room. Feel free to use the stuff in there, too." Maybe Naruto wasn't so upset at the gray haired man. No, not gray; mouse-brown. He wouldn't insult the most-kind Hatake-san by calling him gray haired. He changed direction and entered the room that had had a light shining out from under the door all night long.

Kakashi hummed merrily under his breath and continued flipping flapjacks. Kids these days; so full of youth.

Wait. Ick.

-

Sasuke was just easing his eyes open when he heard the creaking of pipes and the spray of water through the walls. Wasn't it a little early for...?

Wait. Something wasn't adding up. There were clearly noises coming from the kitchen, yet the dull pounding of water from the showerhead sounded in his ears.

And two boys had spent the night in his home that night.

"Sasuke, catch!" And Sasuke did. Purely by luck, of course, he caught the steaming pancake in his mouth.

"Kakashi?" He asked, after swallowing a mouthful and dropping the rest of his pancake onto his sleeping bag.

"Yo!" Flip, catch. Another flapjack done.

"If you're out here...who's in the shower?" Sasuke asked, completely baffled.

"Your friend Naruto. I told him he could since he said he absolutely couldn't _stand_ missing his morning shower."

"Oh." Sasuke picked up the remains of the pancake and resumed eating it. Five-second rule.

Well, he continued eating the pancake until suspicion had that annoying way of dawning on him.

"Why is he in your shower!" Sasuke demanded, accusing. One never knew what perverted lengths Kakashi would go to.

"He's in my shower?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"I can hear it! It's definitely your shower!"

"Oh. Well I guess I did tell him to go in there." Kakashi said thoughtfully. "I thought you or Nara-san might want to use the hall bathroom, so I sent Naruto to my room so he could wash without you or your other friend trying to knock the doors down."

"Oh," Sasuke said guiltily. His other friend, which reminded him.

That lazy slug. He hadn't woken up through all of that bickering. What a moron.

-

Naruto was still in the shower. He was facing the faucet with his head bent down, so the water pounded down oh the back of his head and neck. It was relaxing in a way, reminiscent of being pounded into the ground.

After a few minutes of allowing his neck to be massaged, Naruto decided that he shouldn't press his luck. After all, Hatake-san was being kind already, allowing him to use his own shower. And Naruto didn't want Hatake-san to get the wrong idea. (Hatake-san seemed kind of perverted, too.)

_Pervert uses nice hair products, ne?_

_Sure does. Same as me._

_For super strong, super soft hair._

_Just remember, I'll kill you. For embarrassing me._

_Oh, chibi will eat me? Please please please do. _

_Unless you have a crush on Hatake-san_. _Then I'll eat YOU because YOU belong to ME._

Naruto grasped the shampoo in his hand and squeezed a not-too-liberal amount into his palm. It was pearly white with iridescent swirls and lathered familiarly into his blonde hair. He decided that he hated being away from home, like he hated using the public bathrooms. He had no control over his surroundings, no way to tell exactly where everyone was in this unfamiliar environment.

To keep the shampoo from running in his eyes, Naruto turned around as he usually did, and finished washing up.

When he stepped out of the shower, the mirror over the sink fogged up with steam and the humidity flooded out into the main area of the bathroom.

It was, Naruto decided, just the way he liked it.

-

_10 o'clock in the morning. It's not too early to call, is it?_ Sarutobi asked himself. _Of course not. Nothing I do is ever wrong. _Without hesitating, he picked up the phone that hung on the wall of the kitchen and dialed a series of numbers.

/Hello, this is the Umino residence./ A tinny voice answered the phone.

"Hello, Iruka-san. How are you today?" Sarutobi asked in his gravelly voice. He didn't get a response for several moments.

/Ah...ano...I am well. And you/ Iruka replied formally.

"I'm am well as well. I mean, also." Hell, he was old, he was allowed to correct himself. Besides, he was nervous.

/Is there any particular reason you called, Sarutobi-san? I wasn't expecting to hear from you for at least two years. Though I had been hoping for five./ Iruka's voice sounded frostily through the earpiece. Sarutobi flinched.

"Now, see here, Iruka–"

/What/

Sarutobi gulped. Iruka was angry, as expected. "I want to be involved in Naruto's life. You can't deny an old man his right to a sound mind."

More silence. /I told you that you were too late for that. Naruto's grown up now, and we don't need you reopening old wounds./

"Iruka, you know that's not my intention! I just want to see my friend's son! I mean no harm! I'm not asking all that much, but I am as much his family as you are, so you can't cut us off!" Sarutobi yelled angrily, in frustration. He relaxed moments later.

/Whatever./

_Click._

_-_

Shikamaru laid on the floor of Sasuke's living room with his eyes still closed, feigning sleep. His face twisted only the tiniest bit when a foot prodded his side.

"Come on now, everyone's awake except for you, Nara-san," a mature voice drifted down to him.

"Urrnmph." Shikamaru grumbled. Naruto walked out of Kakashi's bedroom, drying his hair with a towel.

"Naruto?" his eyes widened. "What were you doing in there?"

As he attracted Naruto's attention, he got a reply from the sunny boy.

"Hatake-san said I could use his shower so I wouldn't be in the bathroom where your's and Sasu's stuff is. It was supposed to make things go faster, but I guess it was pretty useless since you're still in be-err, sleeping bag." Naruto grinned. He had changed into his civilian (not student) clothes, tight black pants and a loose orange t-shirt that hung low around his hips.

"Umino-san, do you want some breakfast? I made waffles and pancakes," Kakashi offered.

"Sounds great! And 'cause I like you, call me Naruto! Umino-san confuses me, I keep on thinking Iruka-nii's here."

"Sure. Same. Waffles or pancakes, waffles or pancakes!"

"Both! You'll need a lot, I eat and eat and eat, Kakashi!"

Shikamaru was left in a whirlwind of confusion. But he did know, that he definitely didn't like when his golden boy decided to get familiar with other people.

Sasuke came out of the kitchen and threw a pancake. Bull's eye, right on the Nara's lazy-ass face.

To be Continued.

FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, THIS IS STILL ON HIATUS! It's just a semi-hiatus. I might update this once or twice more because the holidays are coming up, but yeah, even though I like this one a lot, (the plot, not writing it) it's not my priority right now. And it writes slower. And be on the lookout for shorter chapters, because they will be.

Review, and the odds of another update will be greatly increased.


	8. Arrival of! No, It’s Not Naruto

I really should be doing my government homework, but...hehe.

Disclaimer: Does Masashi Kishimoto have government homework?

Right. I have no inspiration for this chapter. Seriously, I hated writing it. So if it sucks, deal with it. A new kid from my harem!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Ranma ½.

Chapter Eight: Arrival of...! No, It's Not Naruto.

"Iruka-kun, I'm baaaaaaack!" Naruto walked in to the high-end apartment and slammed the door. Loudly.

He stopped when he didn't hear a reply, and noticed the extra pairs of shoes by the door.

One big pair; a guest.

One medium pair; Iruka's (Naruto recognized the shoes anyway.)

One tiny pair; a guest as well. A child. Or a midget. Don't discount that possibility.

_What a weirdo, walking in so loudly._

"What a freak, being so loud when he comes in," A muffled and unfamiliar voice came from the sitting room.

"SH! Don't be so rude!" An adult voice chastised the child-voice. It sounded...rather familiar, Naruto thought.

_Well, duh, you did talk to him before, didn't you?_

_Sh, don't be so rude._

Naruto cautiously stepped into the sitting room. "Iruka?" He turned his head and looked. In addition to his foster-brother, there was a boy-child (who was wearing a scarf that must have been twice as long as the boy was tall,) and that old man from the other night. Sarutobi-san. It was surprising; Iruka-kun hadn't seemed to like Sarutobi-san very much, so why was he here?

"Naruto," Iruka said formally, "Sarutobi-san decided that he wanted to come and visit. He brought his grandson." There was an undertone of warning; say anything rude and I'll fuck you up good.

"Hello, Naruto. This is my grandson, Konohamaru. I hope you two will grow to be like brothers," Sarutobi stated in his rough vocals, a statement much to be said much more softly. Konohamaru stuck out his lower lip and looked away. He was much to cool to hang out with a loser like that. He didn't need his grandfather interfering and finding friends for him.

A silence ensued. The uncomfortable, bone-grinding silence that makes you feel like you just said something really, really stupid. Sarutobi coughed and grumbled. And elbowed his grandson in the side.

His most-honored grandson jolted and scowled. "What!" he said, like he had been accused. Sarutobi glared.

"..."

Konohamaru's scowl deepened even more. "Hi." he said, even though it was clear that he really hadn't wanted to greet Naruto.

"...yo..." Naruto was dumbstruck. Well, not really, but he was acting like he was until he could think of a way out of small-talking with married-to-a-old-man-lady and grouchy-preteen-brat. So he ended up emulating Hatake-san.

"Naruto was at a friend's house. Which is why it is inconvenient for you to show up unannounced." Iruka could've turned his guests into stone. Medusa-like. Turn you to a statue just by lookin' atcha. Bam.

"Really? Whose?" Sarutobi merely brushed off the last comment and oh-so-nosily butted into business that wasn't his.

"..." Naruto grumbled. That old man was so weird...

"When did that become any of your business!" Iruka screeched. "Of all the mother fucking nerve!"

"You talk to your elders that way!" Sarutobi screamed back.

Naruto backed away. So did Konohamaru, who tripped over his scarf. Those two guys looked like they would burst a blood vessel or something. Before the shouting match could escalate further, Naruto grabbed Konohamaru's (what a lame name) arm and pulled him out side. (Don't get the wrong idea. He remembered the shoes.)

Konohamaru stood and stared numbly at the door. Because he was still a child and children are helpless like that. He could still hear the yelling even though he was in the hall.

"...we might as well leave. They'll be like that for a while." Naruto tested the atmosphere.

Konohamaru (again, a stupid name. Leaf-maru!) consented. "Whatever." He plopped down on the ground and pulled his shoes from the older boy's hands.

"...You hungry? We could get something to eat." Naruto prodded again. This kid gave out less information than he did. The only difference was that when Naruto told a person absolutely nothing, they didn't notice. It was his death-defying good looks that distracted them.

_Right. You are pretty sexy, aren't you._

_You know it. Perverted freak._

"Hnnm." The brat mumbled around his scarf.

"Dammit, yes or no! Fucking decide already!" The little boy started and bumped in the wall.

"Waah!" He began to cry until he stopped himself. "What the hel-heck! is wrong with you!"

_Children should obey their elders. I should just leave you with Iruka and grandpa, I don't want to deal with you. _Konohamaru mimicked what would be said next.

"I asked you a question. You know, I could just leave you by yourself."

"By myself..." He murmured, accidentally out loud.

Naruto deigned to look down at Konohamaru. "Yeah, you're what, ten?" "Twelve!" "Whatever. You're twelve, you can look after yourself for an hour. I was just offering."

Konohamaru blinked. No one had ever said that to him before. It was always, Oh, Sarutobi's most-honored grandson! Smother, smother him! Don't leave him alone, interference, he could hurt himself! Easy-street! Get this, do that, all for him, because he will be powerful when he grows up!

But this...older boy had just cussed him out, threatened to leave him by himself, acknowledged that Konohamaru could do things just like every other boy his age.

_Aishiteru, Naruto!_ Konohamaru stood and gazed at Naruto. Who got creeped out by the short kid staring at him with big shiny eyes.

_Told ya you were sexy. Look what you did, turned the brat gay already. _

_That's a little weird, doncha think? He was normal just a few minutes ago. Well, sort of. _

_It's you, weirdy weirdy weirdy pheromones! You have them, you do dodododododo!_

_It pulls them in like bugs! Bugs icky ucky bugs to follow you, flies around your head!_

_I don't do that to you, that's why you like me. _

_It's always been like this and I Saaaveeeddd yeeeeeewwwww._

"You gonna go or what..." Naruto didn't really want to push the subject, but...it was a little odd to have a person stare at you like that. Foreboding, almost. It made you want to sink into the ground or melt.

"Uh-huh," Konohamaru mumbled. Almost like a little kid. _Stupid stupid stupid, you sounded so stupid! Uh-huh, can't you think of anything better! Like, Sure in that cool deep voice. He's in high school, what would he want to do with a middle school kid like you!_

"Ok then. Let's go." Naruto began to walk towards the elevator in long strides. "We'll come back in a few hours. Maybe they'll have calmed down by then," he said, nodding towards the apartment where the two older men were still duking it out. "Aah, it's eleven. You want lunch? Or breakfast? Or just a snack?" Naruto conscientiously asked.

"I'll have whatever you're having," Konohamaru hesitated, "Er, I mean, I don't really care."

"Nah? I just ate an hour ago at a friends so I'm still hungry. Just a snack then?"

_Who's this friend of his?..._Konohamaru frowned. He would have to be friends with Naruto's friends if he wanted to get close to him. "Yeah."

"There's a café near here. The Cat Café. Have you eaten there before?" Naruto continued chatting it up. God, he loathed small talking to a kid. It was as bad as to an adult. Kids never said anything interesting. (AN: No. I do not own the Nekohanten. Oh I wish...no.)

"...why?" Why did Naruto care if Konohamaru had eaten at some kitten restaurant anyway?

"It would be kinda rude to take you somewhere you hate. But if you haven't been there before, it's where we're going." _Like it isn't rude to say that unless you really hate a place, you're stuck going there because I'm not changing my plans for you._

"Oh. I haven't." Konohamaru announced.

_Hasn't opened up a bit. I bet he's afraid of saying something stupid. _Naruto pressed the down button on the elevator keypad, and the doors opened after three seconds. The two stepped in. And the doors closed.

After Naruto pressed the button for the ground floor, he stuck his arms behind his back. Konohamaru stood and stared shyly at the ground. After a few moments, Naruto started to whistle.

Floor Seven. More whistling.

Floor Six. Pause for breath.

Floor Four. Go blue in the face in an attempt to whistle without stopping for a breath.

Floor Three. Gasp loudly from lack of air and try to cover it up as a yawn.

Floor Two. Stop whistling. It was annoying, anyway.

Floor One. Shift around uncomfortably. Elevators always make everything so awkward.

Ground floor. As soon as the doors start to open, leap and pull them open. Hear a screeching noise because elevator doors just weren't meant to open that quickly.

"Whew!" _That elevator takes entirely too long to reach the ground floor. _Naruto fell, gasping, onto the shiny marble floor of the lobby and shivered because when he fell, his shirt had rode up. Marble was really cold.

Konohamaru blushed in embarrassment at Naruto's skinny form spread over the nice clean floor.

His blush deepened when a woman who was sitting in a leather recliner commented behind her magazine to a friend who was sitting on a leather loveseat, "Doesn't he usually take the stairs anyway?" But Konohamaru didn't hear what the friend said back because he was helping his brand-new crush (crush...that sounded weird to Konohamaru. He had never had one before,) "What's a little boy doing with a freak like him? Do his parents know?"

"Are you alright?" Konohamaru asked nervously. The entire episode had been pretty ill-sorted.

"Who, me? I'm fine, just slipped, you know, people do that sometimes." Naruto babbled. How embarrassing to fall like that, in front of people who were always watching for him to slip up.

Konohamaru just stared skeptically (a better kind of stare than that of the love-struck.)

"Well, let's go, that falling made me kind of hungry," Naruto cheerily altered the focus of the conversation.

"If you say so." _Yeah, that's right Konohamaru, nice and cool, just try to be a little less mean or he'll want to beat you up._

Staggering, Naruto made his way to the glass doors.

He hated those stuck up people that sat around in the lobby because they didn't have as nice furniture in their flats.

Naruto could see their pores oozing vileness and he loathed it like he loathed the way sand stuck between his toes even after his feet were dry; even though he knew that he was a million times below them.

-

WARNING: RANMA ½ CAMEOS! AND I DEFEND MY RIGHT TO AUTHORISTIC LICENSE! As in...some character names slipped my mind...

"Xian Pu no know how old perverted man come inside!" A busty purple-haired girl tottered by with a platter of elephant ears. (The pastries...)

Konohamaru quirked his eyebrows. What kind of café was this, anyway? There had to be some sort of restrictions against having a bra size that large. Of course, Konohamaru was only mentally quoting something he had seen on TV. He didn't know what a bra was, (and the girls in his class certainly didn't need them quite yet), but he guessed it had something to do with their chests. His mom had walked around complaining about it often enough. (Female exploitation and all that.)

Meanwhile, an old man who looked remarkably like a cockroach indiscreetly latched onto her chest received an earful of swirly confections. He peeled away like paper and fluttered into the plate of a much larger man garbed in a business suit.

"And that, my student, is how you feel up cute foreign girls," the roach declared to the giant. The giant clapped and bowed.

"Yes, sensei! I will obey your most perverted teachings always!"

"In a few hundred years you will be as skilled as I, devoted disciple!"

"I love you, sensei!"

The roachy little man preened. "Jiraya, you truly are worthy of my training."

"Happosai-sensei!"

"Jiraya!"

"Sensei!"

The two old men embraced, and the emotion filling the air was palpable, visible. Visible, as in sparkles and roses surrounded the two.

Naruto simply strolled past the pair like it was normal. "Yeah," He announced loudly to Konohamaru, "They're pretty weird. But harmless if you're a guy."

Jiraya and Happosai broke apart abruptly. "Naruto, back again!" they turned towards each other and huddled. "He must want our training! I can sense it! He's as perverted as we are!" "Godlike!"

The blonde laughed raucously. The pervs were always great to be around. Too bad Konohamaru was too young to hang with them. Naruto might be immune to their corruption from his own, but the innocent boy was not. "Let's sit down over there." Naruto strolled over to a round table by the window and sat.

After following, Konohamaru took a minute to have a good look around. The place looked pretty normal, if you ignored to foreigners running the place and the duck wearing glasses. And the perverts. And the odd menu.

"Yeah, they serve a lot of stuff here. Waddya want? Ramen? They serve pastries from Europe." Naruto said informatively. Konohamaru just looked at him, completely baffled.

"...ramen, then." Naruto deadpanned. Stupid kid. He flagged down a waitress. Busty as usual; but this girl was japanese and a redhead, unlike Xian Pu.

"Order?" She posed mannishly. A tomboy.

"Miso. And beef ramen. Por favor." Naruto grinned wolfishly. Mmm. Miso.

"You tryin' ta hit on me!" The girl glowered.

"Ranko, you know he wouldn't do that." Happosai and Jiraya squeed in the background.

"Whatever." The girl loped off to the kitchen to deliver the order

Konohamaru was still awestruck. He didn't just...just...flirt...! _Grrrrrrrrrrruuuutooo!_ A chilling aura surrounded him with a purply darkness dotted by snowflakes. Naruto leaned back in his chair amusedly. Weird kid. Lucky he wasn't as weird as him, though. That would really suck.

And just like that, two bowls of ramen appeared before them. "Thanks, Ranko!" Naruto cheered.

Misfit palace. Everyone here was weird. Bad. Sick. Just like him. But not everyone knew it. They didn't know that he knew.

"...What the? That was weird." Konohamaru finally deigned to open his mouth and speak.

"Heh. This place is run by a bunch of super cool martial artists. They don't need to come to the table to deliver. Cool, huh?" Naruto beamed, accomplished. He didn't even notice the looming presence right outside.

-

Neji stood on the other side of the window and looked. Only looked; no harm in looking, after all.

The cutely androgynous boy twirled his chopsticks and stuck several noodles into his mouth. Neji couldn't see that well, but he surmised the gaki had a satisfied expression coating his face.

A much smaller child stood on his chair and leaned over to Naruto. A child? Why was he there?

The little boy wiped some stray broth off of Naruto's cheeks. Just who the hell was that brat!

Probably just a relative. No. Wait. Maybe Umino-san's. A family friend? Possibly.

Not enough to dispel the worries from Neji's mind. That Naruto, he was strong, but he was weak, Neji couldn't stand not knowing, not being able to protect him. So Neji decided.

-

Naruto laughed as Konohamaru tripped on his scarf and fell, with his hand landing in the bowl of ramen. Good clean fun, my man, that was what it was. Konohamaru raised the dirty one covered in broth to his face and attempted to wipe off the drops littering his nose and cheeks, and scowled when he only made the problem worse. The scowl deepened when the older boy continued to giggle.

"What the hell is so damn fu-!" Konohamaru fumed until Naruto reached across (with his much longer arms) and cleaned his face with a napkin. Konohamaru blushed and frowned. "Uuuhh..."

Naruto leaned his arms on the table. "I'm not the messy one, see?" He resisted the urge to chuckle.

_Don't wanna make the kiddo more embarrassed._

_Oh, yeah, that would be a real tragedy._

_Shhhhh._

"Hmmph." Konohamaru crossed his arms. _What a brat, _he thought behind his scarf. Then he began to laugh. _How stupid am I! Acting like such an ass when I want him to like me!_

Naruto, not quite as clued in as he, laughed nervously. Just so as not to look weird.

After a few minutes, they stopped laughing, but not from self control, or because it just wasn't as funny anymore. Oh, no. It was because of the shadow looming over their table.

_Creak. Creak._

SlowlyNaruto and Konohamaru turned their heads to the side and up. "Wha?" Konohamaru uttered. Surely it wasn't a waiter? At this place, they all seemed to be short, big-breasted and female. Big-breasted. Definitely not hulking.

Naruto squinted. That person. "Er...Neji? What are you doing here?"

Neji froze. It...hadn't occurred to him that he would need a reason for being there. And standing in front of Naruto's table. Like a freak. "..."

"Came to get some of the food here, right? Hah." _Stupid stupid stupid. Why else would he come to a café? How dumb can you make yourself look, Naruto?_

Neji, on the other hand, relaxed. _Wheew. Glad I didn't actually have to, GOD FORBID! Say anything!_ He nodded in agreement. "Just wanted to say...hello." _Yeah, that was cool. It was cool, right?_

"Hey, wanna sit with us? We're just hiding out for a bit. Yanno?" Naruto's eyes glimmered with mischief.

"Sure." Neji glanced at Naruto's companion. The boy was exuding an extreme aura of anger. At him?

"Anou, you look really weird in street clothes, Neji-kun!" Naruto snickered.

Neji didn't respond, but glanced down at his clothes self-consciously.

"Hey, I don't mean it in a bad way, Neji! You look good in jeans! I've just never seen you out of school clothes!" Naruto amendedquickly. He didn't mean for it to come out like that...

Still dubious, Neji pulled over a chair from another table and sat. Xian Pu twirled over to the table and took his order for black tea.

The three sat for a while; Naruto chattering aimlessly, and Neji ignoring Konohamaru, who was glaring at him intensely.

One of these days, the window in that shop is going to break from Happosai and Jiraya's perversion. Not like usual, from bodies and fists.

To be continued when the hiatus takes a break. (Is it really a hiatus if I'm still writing occasionally?)

There, a longer chapter. We get loads of bishies, Naruto, Neji, Konohamaru! (Ok, I guess that last one would probably make most of you gag.) But I like him! Erm, that's shotacon, but not quite, I guess, since Naruto's underage too. Plus, Konohamaru's almost thirteen.

Ok, last time I respond to reviews in this fic, (unless they're anonymous!) so don't report me. I had these written before that whole messaging thing was put up, plus I'm not sure if it'll work on my lame computer. Seriously, it won't even let me post my new story! ShinoXNaruto! It's a crack fic, so it's short, but it won't let me post it! Rwaaar!

Reviews (That's right, I get those! Sometimes.)

Merkitten: I guess that if people can catch shrimp in their mouths at Hibachi (oh I wish I owned that) then Sasuke must be learned in the art of mouth to pancake catching. Danke! Anyway, new characters this chap! But unfortunately for you no Gaara-kun. Because he's currently still in my hot anime guy harem and isn't allowed out yet.

PrvertedGoofness: Erm, I already responded to you, my most favorite test subject!

Shadow Kitsune67: Heh. Thankies! See, even short reviews make me ridiculously happy! You like it enough to review! See, everyone should be like you! Heehee. That rhymed.


	9. When One Is A Misfit

I am so, so sorry that it took me so long to update. I haven't worked on anything for weeks, because over break I got swamped and I have family stuff, my grandpa's in the hospital, and midterms are coming up and I have to do projects while studying for midterms--

In other news, Naruto's back at school. Yay!

Disclaimer: I would kill myself if I owned Sakura. Eeeww.

Chapter 9: When one is a misfit.

Sakura was having an extremely good time as she sat at her desk and smoothed down her already-wrinkle-free skirt. It was almost sickening; a pink princess should never feel so self-satisfied.

_Well, why not? I deserve it. Everyone will thank me. Especially Sasuke. _

With a slight smile gracing her lips, Sakurapatted at her skirt one last time. Of course, her little...plan wasn't ready to be put into action yet, oh -no- not- yet, but the basis was laid out. Good plans always had a solid basis, whether they were intricate or simple. Sakura's plan was perfectly in the middle. Perfectly perfect. When she told everyone, that Naruto would be so embarrassed that her would probably run away to the sewers where he belonged. And everyone would hate him and be glad that he was down there.

A black flicker moved in the corner of Sakura's eye. Sasuke slunk into the room, one hand holding onto his bag and the other pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. He seemed to do that a lot, but it was only endearing him to the girls populating the classroom even more. Slowly, like he was stiff, Sasuke made his way to his desk and painstakingly set his book bag on the flat top before sitting down. Reluctantly he began organizing his books for the first class neatly on his desk, at perfect 90 degree angles.

From a few desks over, Sakura smiled discreetly. She wouldn't go to him today; one couldn't get the man she wanted by smothering him. But she would make sure in many small ways that he wouldn't forget about her.

When he looked inside his desk, Sasuke frowned. This wasn't the way it looked when he left on Friday; something was out of place. Paper, notebooks, text...a pencil? Sasuke never left pencils in his desk. They were all kept in a pocket of his backpack.

It must have been put there by the janitors over the weekend. Though, most would have just thrown the pencil away, it was the just ordinary kind, the kind that you sharpened, but it was...pink, with cutesy little flower blossoms chibi characters decorating it. Not particularly expensive, and if you got one, you picked up about twenty others, since they came in packs.

...Did his desk _look _like a girl's desk? Sasuke didn't think so, he imagined that his desk looked a little austere, only containing the essentials and completely void of bright colors.

Except...that pencil. Sasuke picked it up with two fingers, like it was poisonous, and squinted at it. This pencil...it reminded him...of something...no, _someone._ Who...?

Why the hell was he stressing himself over a damn pencil!

"Heya, Sasu-chan! Nice pencil you got there!"

Well, at least now he had a reason to.

-

Naruto groggily pulled himself out of Iruka's car. Sarutobi and his foster brother had kept at it all day, so he had stayed out with Konohamaru and Neji. It was really tiring, pulling a screaming twelve year old off of your friends every half hour. And he still didn't know why Konohamaru had kept doing it!

_Li-ar. YOU KNOW. YOU Know that you KNOW. Why don't you just admit it to yourself?_

_People love you or hate you. Or love you while they hate you. That hurt, didn't it?_

_I'm so sorry that it did, but it's the truth. The painful, scarring truth. _

_So deal with it. It's wayeasier in the long run._

Naruto shook his head violently from side to side. Stupid...

The colors were spinning. They were completely clear, brash, bold, hard-lined, not smooth and gentle like they should be. In the deserted first stairwell, he stopped to lean against a wall. It was quite lucky that he came this way all the time, so he didn't have to deal with stopping up the flow of the halls.

Today was one of those days. His head was pounding, his eyes ached, and Iruka wouldn't let him stay home from school because he didn't have a fever.

Without heaving a sigh, Naruto continued up the stairs. Urrh. When he ruled the world, he would make stairs obsolete. Everyone would travel by escalator going up and by waterslide going down. Except in the winter. They would have down escalators in the winter.

Uunn. His inner thighs really hurt, too. Well, not hurt, precisely, but he definitely felt a twinge whenever he moved. And he remembered, last night, when he was sleeping, he had flung himself down upon thecomfortably broken mattressin an attempt to get comfortable. Which had hurt his aching muscles quite a bit.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with sounding so girly. Right?

Right.

This whole stairs thing was starting to bother him, though. Naruto was absurdly happy when he reached the top.

His happiness didn't last long, when he had to heave open the heavy metal doors. He nearly fell down when they finally swung open. A few of Sakura's cronies looked at him strangely, for they knew that their leader didn't like the blonde boy, but most of the hallway crew ignored him.

Naruto shouldered his bag and made his way to his first period class. Not his first choice of things to do (his first would be GOING HOME) but his best prospect by far, considering his condition.

Meticulously, Naruto weeded his way around the hall to his classroom. As soon as he walked in the door...he saw something that brightened up his day.

Pink.

"Heya, Sasu-chan! Nice pencil you got there!"

Immediately, Naruto was very aware of several people glaring at him. Foremost was Sasuke, being the victim of his super-uber-cute nickname.

"...Naruto..." Sasuke eyed the blondie sternly.

Naruto stiffened (painfully, of course) and blinked sheepishly. "Baaah!"

_Bad, bad pun, you loser. _

_Baaaaaah-d. My ass._

_My super cute ass, indeed._

_Your's too, of course._

Sasuke took to proffered distraction and eyed Naruto quizzically. Refusing to meet his gaze, Naruto looked everywhere and at everyone in the room. Sakura was glaring at him. Why was she glaring at him? And why was Neji glaring at Sasuke? And Kiba too? Sasuke's skin must be peeling off from the heat. For that matter, so was Naruto's.

Sakura didn't seem to really _like _him-

_Heh, yeah right, like someone would like YOU._

_YOU don't even like you, why would she? _

_All the others hated you too for your pretty face._

_That was why they wanted you, too._

_That was the way it began, at least, you WHORE._

_You're lucky I'll even accept used trash like you._

Naruto's eyes teared up. He made sure he didn't blink, so that they wouldn't wash down his cheeks. The tears, that is. He wondered what it would be like for his eyes to melt out of their sockets and stream down his face and the front of his shirt. Would it burn? Or would he feel a cooling sensation?

Steadily, he made his way to his seat and hoped that no one would notice.

_I didn't mean it! Ididntdidntdidntdidnt! Sorry! Don't cry, just don't!_

_I won't say it again! _

_I really am as mean as they are, aren't I?_

_But I'll be different, because I know and I'm sorry, ok? You understand, don't you?_

_I'm just crazy. Psycho. Cocain crazy!_

Naruto sat down in his seat and ducked his head. He was still crying, but he was smiling, too.

_I said stop it! STOP PLEASE STOP! IT IT IT IT IT IT IT!_

But he didn't. They kept on falling, making hot wet spots on the desktop.

_I'm crying because I'm happy. You won't leave me, will you?_

_No matter what._

Sasuke looked on from the sidelines. It was so sudden, that he had started acting like that. Had something happened after he left his apartment? Or, good god no, at his home?

Maybe something had happened at school. Maybe Iruka was sick. Maybe a family member had died.

Oh, Naruto, don't cry!

From across the room, Neji's glare intesified. What had Sasuke done! What did he do to make Naruto cry! How dare he!

_I hate him. I want to kill him. For having such an opportunity and squandering it. Doesn't he know people would kill to be in his position? I know I would. _

Kiba eyed Sasuke distastefully. He didn't really know Naruto, but he could still sympathize. No one deserved to be embarrassed like that. No one wanted to cry in front of everyone.

Besides, Kiba couldn't stand people who picked on people that he respected. And Kiba respected Naruto. He wanted to protect him, shield him from those rumors circulating behind his back. Where they came from, Kiba didn't know, but they were unnecessarily cruel. Sick.

When Shikamaru entered, sluggishly as usual, no one looked away from their targets. Shikamaru wasn't surprised by the fact that most people were ignoring him, but he was mildly floored by the vehemence dripping from every molecule of air in the room. It wasn't often that people got so ferocious; the last time he had observed a scene like this, Ino and Sakura had been in a catfight.

Soon, his IQ kicked in and forced him to notice _who _the people were glaring at, and why. The majority of people seemed to be glaring at Sasuke; a small portion of the girls were pegging Naruto.

But the most people seemed to be glaring at Sasuke. And that gave Shikamaru a gut feeling that everything that had transpired in the time Naruto had arrived til now was Sasuke's fault.

Or the gut feeling might have come from Shikamaru's recent loathing of Sasuke. Either way, he decided that it was time to join in the glaring fun. So that he wouldn't strain his neck, Shikamaru turned his chair so that he was facing the Uchiha. And settled in for a good, long, stare.

Sasuke looked out the corner of his eyes when he adjusted his glasses. This was...awkward. Since when did so many people look at him? Besides his fangirls, that is. And the boys that had crushes on the Sasuke-obsessed fangirls. And the ex-boyfriends of girls that had broken up to become Sasuke fangirls.

Ok, well, a lot of people had reasons to stare/glare _angrily_ at him. But, never so many at once! And a lot of these guys had never really shown interest in the girls that were after Sasuke. It was simply inconceivable that they had all developed crushes at the same time. Sasuke sighed and decided that it was going to be a long day. Hopefully Kakashi wouldn't want him to clean the apartment again when he got home. Once was enough, and Shikamaru and Naruto hadn't even made a mess!

Sakura flipped her gaze from the usually loquacious blonde to the front of the room. She wasn't about to let her grades suffer because of that idiot.

It just wasn't fair. Everyone seemed to like him, and he didn't deserve it. They should just _know_ without being told that he was a sick, bad person.

And that Sakura was perfect.

-

Back at his home, Iruka sighed. His job...it was really hard work, de gozaru yo. Only without the de gozaru.

But the hard work was worth it. Definitely worth it. Entertaining without a doubt. _Really VERY _entertaining. Too entertaining.

Which was why, even though Naruto had been forced from his bed half the night, Iruka wouldn't let him stay home.

Iruka's work needed privacy, something that couldn't be achieved with Naruto around.

And Iruka would never, ever let ANYTHING or ANYONE interfere with his work.

Besides, Naruto needed to be sheltered from this kind of thing, because of everything he went through in childhood. At the very least, he deserved it.

Iruka giggled. No need to dampen his spirits with such morbid talk, anyway. It wouldn't help Naruto in the least.

Still giggling manically, Iruka proceeded with his job.

-

At the school, the students sat through their classes. It was as dull Monday, worse than usual. No one could stand it, the nervous energy building up until they thought the tips of their fingers would explode from the nerve endings up.

English(...Japanese? Language Arts). Math. Art. Foreign Language. Four periods passed. It was lunch time, to the relief of the students still awake. Naruto was. So were Sasuke, and Neji. When the bell rang, Neji stood and made his way to Naruto. He hadn't gotten the chance to ask him about this morning. He didn't want Sasuke going to him and making things worse.

Neji got to Naruto's desk a split second before Sasuke. They stood on opposite sides and looked at each other for a moment, not really seeing but knowing. The others who sat with them congregated around the tables.

"Naruto-kun, aren't you going to get up so we can go to lunch?" Ino asked, concerned. Naruto hadn't been working today, which, while not necessarily unusual, he had a certain manner of going about. He hadn't even twitched during art, which he usually at least doodled in.

Naruto mentally started, and smoothly swivelled his head up to look at Ino and smile. "Yeah," he said, standing up. He extended his arms completely down and stretched. "You guys go on, I don't feel like eating lunch today. I think I'll just go on a walk by myself." Neji started to protest, but Naruto was already out the classroom door.

The rest of the group began to proceed to the tree where they usually ate their lunch. Sasuke stood and looked at their retreating backs. He...didn't want to go, but he didn't want to stay.

The swarm of girls with glinting eyes amassed behind him. _"Sasuke..."_ they sweetly called. Sasuke gripped the edge of the desk, looked at them with fear-filled eyes.

_NO! Don't make me go with them, please don't do it, oh god, OH GOD NOOO--_

They seized his arms and tore him away. There was nothing Sasuke could do to resist.

At their desks, Shikamaru smirked and Chouji chomped. This was what happened to Sasuke when Naruto was not around. There was no one to pull him from the evil clutches of the Sasuke-sick.

Everyone knew, that the only reason Sasuke had been eating with Naruto's crowd was because Naruto wanted it. Not because anyone really wanted him there. Except, maybe, Ino, who had backed off. Did she know?

_I wonder, Sasuke, does it hurt your core that no one is willing to help you? I hope it does._

At the lunch tree, everyone settled into their usual spots. They looked for a time at the gaping, empty space usually occupied by the sunny blonde.

Some of them wondered, are we even allowed to leave campus during lunch without a pass?

-

Naruto walked away from the school. No one stopped him; no one wanted to talk to him, especially the teachers.

It was inordinate, some might have thought, that he could get away with so much. But then again, they didn't know that the reason Naruto could leave like that was because most of the teachers didn't want him there.

_I love you. Don't you love me?_

_Of course, of course you do. Heart-to-heart._

_Easy, isn't it? You're not. Not anymore._

_STOP BEING BAD! I ONLY WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!_

_I'm sorry, you have to understand, you hurt yourself, you hurt me, you're eating for two, remember? Don't forget about me, Alright?_

He should have been hungry, he remembered times, times when he was always hungry for _something_, but he didn't know what. That had been when he was younger. Even then, he could sense the distaste radiating off of his surroundings and instinctively knew that what he was doing was wrong. He hated it.

_I remember that time. That time when it hurt so bad and you were embarrassed and shy. You wanted to die, didn't you? Your big blue eyes were so vulnerable, so full of tears._

_You looked like a baby. Gorgeous baby heart._

_I was there, though. I helped you through it. I loved you!_

_I don't look at you like that. Not anymore! It was an honest mistake! Don't look at me that way!_

_They did, but I didn't! They were like wolves, hungry, lustful, weren't they?_

_They would descend on you, ecstacy, and you loved it and you cried and you hated them. _

_But you wanted more so they hated you more._

_Especially when they found out._

When he grew older and finally understood, his self-hate increased dramatically. But it helped him come to terms, control his need, his hate.

_Won't you play with me?_

_Don't you LOVE ME, koi-kun?_

_We're all alone now. Didn't you notice?_

_Free to do whatever we want. Until the bell rings and we have to contain ourselves, my love._

_Aishiteru._

_AiSHITeru_.

_We'll go back to their glaring eyes. We'll stare back, likeglass that isn't there but really is so you walk into it and shatter your face._

Stiffly, Naruto maintained a steady pace. His joints creaked, his thighs stretched and tweaked.

A clock tower chimed. It was twelve thirty. He had fifteen minutes to get back to school.Naruto turned; to make it back in time, he would have to run. His legs wobbled every time his feet struck the ground.

_Thump. Thud. Thud. Skitter._

Loose pebbles and gravel skittered out of his way. He was close now.

The beating of his feet softened when he reached the grass, and changed to a tap as he slowed down on the sidewalk leading to the front door of the school.

Naruto snuck past the principal's office, where the old secretary sat doing her work, and gently opened and closed the doors to the stairwell. He jogged up the stairs, and into the hallway where the last dregs of the lunch crowd were lingering. Power-walking was proving to be more painful than flat-out running.

"Made it," Naruto breathed as he stepped into the classroom.

Sasuke quirked a brow at him. He refused, absolutely refused to let Naruto know that he was upset with the happenings of this lunch break. Where did he go while Sasuke was being tortured, anyway? Off campus? Otherwise Naruto would certainly have heard and come to rescue him.

And he looked so out of breath, too. There wasn't really anyplace to run in this school, except for the gym.

Naruto couldn't have gone running for fun. He said he was walking. Why would he purposely go running right before gym?

"Alright, ya sissies, get out to the track. Come on, now." Gai-sensei was having a bad day, it seemed. He wasn't even here. Allocating his duties to a subsitute!

The students groaned. Having phys. ed. right after lunch really sucked.

"Quit whining. You're teacher left directions that you should run fifteen laps, all filled with the fire and love of youth. Get to it." The sub basely stated.

The only one who showed any enthusiasm was Lee. "Yosh! I will run the track twenty times in ten minutes on my feet, and thirty times on my hands!"

The rest of the class glared. How dare he sound so excited! Show-off-y teacher's pet!

And we shall see more of Lee later.

To be continued. Sometime. Oh, and I don't own the Bravery, or the rights to the lyrics Honest Mistake. But you should listen to them because I love them. puurrr

YOSH! You might not see this for a long time. Sorry. I hate school. Review, and yee will have improved chances of an update, and I will feel much loved.

Oh, and thanks to my lovely reviewers!


	10. Mirror?

Chaptero ONCE!

It occurred to me, this fic might be difficult to write with so many different love interests!

So seriously, I want to know who y'all want Naruto to end up with.

Disclaimer: Why the hell hasn't anyone translated the manga I'm trying to read! Well, obviously if I can't read the Japanese version of Naruto, I didn't write it. Err, draw? Both?

Chapter 11: Spend to much time by the mirror?

Naruto woke up, and realized that he was cold. It wasn't so odd, in itself, that he was cold. It was that he was in his bed, with a million blankets, and had woken up in a cold sweat.

"Naruto, get up, we'll be laaaate!" Iruka hollered from the kitchen, where he was watching his charge's breakfast get cold.

Naruto didn't move, mostly because he didn't want to feel the dampness of the sheets moving against his skin. That and he didn't really think he could. Instead of complying with Iruka, Naruto closed his eyes and pressed the back of his head further into the pillow.

"Naruto–" Iruka pushed open the door with an exasperated growl. "Oh."

He walked over to the bed where a flushed Naruto was still laying. "Sick?"

Naruto opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling (since his eyes were aimed in that direction anyway.) He feebly attempted to 'unn', but no sound came out.

"Guess so," Iruka murmured, leaning over and placing his hand on Naruto's forehead. "Ugh, you're burning up," he muttered as he left to get the thermometer. _I guess I won't do my work today...the boss'll understand._

Naruto didn't think he agreed with Iruka. Naruto thought he was quite cool, thank you very much. A little too cold, in fact, he thought as he shivered.

Iruka pulled out numerous boxes from their linen closet.

"Damn it, where's the medical shit?" He near screamed as he dumped out a box of bandages.

-

Lee paced nervously in the empty classroom. Even the teacher was still in the lounge, and no one else had arrived yet.

Lee had come a half hour earlier than usual; to brace himself for what he was about to do. Honestly, he couldn't believe that he was about to do what he was about to do.

He would probably get laughed at, made fun of. Fuck, what had he been thinking!

Why the hell had he come this early! Naruto would probably think that he was a total loser for coming to school so early in the hopes of cornering him.

Actually, Naruto would probably think he was a loser for coming to school early to corner a person who he'd never even spoken to. And who looked like an odd turtle, to boot.

Anxiously, Lee waited why students slowly trickled into the room. Speak abruptly, the last bell rang, but no Naruto had arrived.

Depressed, yet relieved, Lee relaxed and pretended to apply himself to his studies. But somehow, he couldn't concentrate.

-

Sasuke stopped by Shikamaru's desk on his way out of class.

Shikamaru impetuously leaned back in his seat. "Yeah, Uchiha?"

"Naruto's not here. We'll have to meet on the weekend."

Shikamaru grimaced. Yeah, since Naruto hadn't been at school today, the odds were that they couldn't meet to work on that _project._ "What's wrong with Friday?"

"Busy. It's Saturday or Sunday. Take your pick." the pretty-boy flung at the broomstick-haired boy.

"Well, none are good for me. Mom's having a business dinner. And she's working overtime. From home." Shikamaru uttered distastefully. "So unless you want your ass beat, we better go somewhere else."

"Maybe Naruto can...since we've already been at my home." Sasuke offered.

"Yes. Maybe Naruto can." Shikamaru said silkily.

Sasuke continued on his way to the door, but not before shooting his rival an inquiring glance.

Shikamaru sat in his seat for a moment. After most everyone had cleared out, he deigned to move from his seat.

Since when did he PMS? he wondered.

-

Naruto had lain in his bed all day, with the shades pulled down across the window. Once the sun had risen, his room had been bathed in a cold blue light. And a cruel light at that.

He had eventually grown tired of the light shining on his eyes and moved, pulling the sheets over his head and curling up in a ball to conserve warmth. It hadn't worked; underneath the blankets had become too stuffy and warm, and when he had opened a space between that mattress and the blanket, the air that entered had been too cold.

After a time, he gave up and laid on his side, hugging the pillow to his stomach.

Iruka had looked in several times, only seeing a Naruto laying on his side in a fetal position.

Naruto had, in part, feigned sleep. But when he wasn't, he was reliving his horrible nightmares.

_Kooooi-kun, I love you, I love you, oh I love you! _

_Koi-kun, kun-chan, I"ll come to get you!_

Naruto hugged the pillow tighter.

-

Some hours later, Naruto had fallen into a fitful sleep. When he finally awoke, he could think relatively coherently; he figured he had gotten sick from the day before, when he had gotten into a fight with ...himself?...and run. And then run some more, because of Gai-sensei. Gai-sensei sucked. Whatever it was, Naruto didn't know.

At least he had a reason, something to stand by. A comfort.

Naruto tottered to his feet and made his shaky way to the kitchen, where he heated the soup Iruka had left out for him. After he ate, he tottered back to bed, and fell into a fitful sleep again. When it became dark, the fitful sleep became a deep slumber.

-

Iruka came home, and felt Naruto's still-warm forehead. He would see how Naruto felt tomorrow morning; Naruto would probably be all better. He had a way of getting over illness fast.

He got over everything fast.

TBC

Anou...well...I was looking, and I found another chapter that I didn't post, so I got rid of chapter 10 and 11 I think...and reposted them. I also made notes on later chapters where I screwed up. Sorry! So please reread, at least from this chapter, to check that you saw everything.


	11. Opening: Bloody Dream

Anou...I'm very sorry, but I got an error on my compu-chan, so I had to completely wipe all my files. And re-write chapter 10.

Dammit, now I have to rewrite three chapters of my Naruto/Tsunade saga, too!

!$(#(&$!

Hopefully, this won't turn out too badly.

However, we will all be in for some shorter chapters.

Disclaimer: If I had a job as a manga-ka, you'd think I have a better computer!

Chapter 10: Opening: Bloody Dream

_Naruto-chan stood on the stage. The stage that wasn't really a stage, but more of a scarred table located at a sleazy bar._

_Tiny Naruto's eyes watered indignantly. They were making fun of him, laughing at him. The rich man in the suit, who had brought him here in the first place, had said that they would loooove him, because he was so cute. _

_Naruto had agreed, as he sat on the expensive leather seat of the expensive black car and fingered his lacy tunic that he had been dressed in._

_His white, lacy tunic. _

_He looked like an angel, they said._

_He had when they picked him up off the street, even with his dirt-smeared face and ragged clothes. It truly was amazing, how he had managed to survive so long. Five years old, and on the streets, where dozens of thugs were just waiting to get their hands on the son of the guy who convicted their buddies._

_Seven years now, because one year ago, a handsome man (if a little pompous,) by the name of Ebisu had picked him up off the hard concrete, and told him that he had what it took to make people love him._

_They were all family men, mafia leaders, big-business corporations, leaders of law firms and the like. _

_But when Naruto was at the secret bar, he felt like trash because of the way they looked at him with contempt. _

_Still, he continued to dance, because he had this URGE to, and he couldn't stop until he had gained this_ release_, that he so desperately needed. He felt confined if he didn't. _

_He usually didn't get _it_ until he had been taken to one of the curiously well-furnished (compared to the foulness of the bar), bedrooms, with one of those men. _

_Those men tended to not be old, but young. Just coming into the biz from a family inheritance, being what they thought was overworked, pissed at their wives and girlfriends (and sometimes, whores-on-call.)_

_So they came to Naruto-chan, who was a baby, unassuming, who wanted them there. There to do _that

_But no matter how Naruto relieved their tension, or how often, they coldly left, and offered him nothing more. When he danced on the table, they hooted just the same, as if they hadn't **seen**__all that before anyway, from prior visits. _

_One young man that came once wasn't even old enough to attend, Ebisu had once protested. _

_The teenager had only looked at Ebisu with cold eyes, and was recognized for his prosperous family. _

_He was allowed in from then on. _

_He came to visit Naruto often, in the furnished back-room. _

_Naruto believed that they both needed their relief, identified with the young man more than the others, because they were both children. _

_That same young man came time and time again, leaving no room for others to come in and pass _

_off their frustrations on Naruto._

_If Naruto hadn't been so impure, he might have believed himself in love. _

_It soon came to the point where men only came to see Naruto dance. The main source of revenue for Naruto and Ebisu was the rich, cold teen._

_And then it all stopped. _

_The young man stopped coming._

_Itachi stopped coming._

_And he never came back._

_So Naruto refused to work, and ended up on the streets again. Ebisu left, just like Itachi. But for all the wrong reasons._

_**Hey, Naruto. Naru-chan.**_

_**I won't leave you all alone. **_

_**I'll be there when the local thugs are beating you up for sex at night. **_

_**I'll be there when you're starving in the daytime.**_

_**I won't leave you alone. Ever. **_

_**Aishiteru, koi-kun. **_

Naruto opened his eyes.

He couldn't really say if he had been asleep or not.

It had been a dream, hadn't it?

It had come to the point where he was reliving his memories, too.

It was unclear when he had awoken, when the dreaming had stopped, and the reminiscing had begun. It was dreamlike, all the way through, though. Naruto fancied his entire life a dream.

He had loved every second of it, after all. Especially the parts where he was rammed in the face. _Or _

_ass._

Because, he was sick, after all.

_Got that right. _

_Otherwise, I wouldn't be heeeere, would I? _

_Nope. Absolutely not, Koi-kun. _

Naruto stared at the dark ceiling. Dimmer than usual. It wasn't time to be awake yet. He had awhile.

To not think at all.

Maybe...this was what he would do over the holiday.

Fifty minutes later, his alarm went off, playing old sixties tunes and classical.

Naruto sat up and went to get ready for school. Iruka would be surprised.

-

Sasuke sat up in bed exactly half a second before his alarm began to beep. He switched it off to prevent the irritating noise, and on again so he wouldn't forget to set it later.

He padded into his bathroom blearily and stepped in the shower. And turned it on. Cold.

Now fully awake, he turned the nob all the way to the left, until the pounding water was scalding and steam was probably spilling out from beneath the door.

Picking up his special shampoo, he noted that he would need a new bottle soon, and made a mental note to add it to the shopping list. He squeezed a quarter into his hand and lathered his hair generously.

Too generously. Sasuke got soap in his eyes.

"Fuck!" Sasuke scrunched his eyes shut and rubbed them furiously as they burned.

Opening his eyes under a spray of hot water had never appealed to him, anyway.

Finishing his shower as quickly as possible (before he could screw up again...) Sasuke used his special body wash (proven to repel fangirls Sasuke didn't think it worked) and his normal-person

face wash (hey, it wasn't his fault he had naturally flawless skin.)

When he stepped out of the shower, the first thing he did was wipe a clean spot on the mirror and towel-dry his hair, with his eyes shut. They still hurt like hell.

Sasuke blunderingly dried his body, face, and applied deodorant. Kakashi called from the kitchen and asked what the fuck Sasuke's problem was, he was going to wake up the neighbors.

Sasuke told Kakashi to fuck off, and wrapped the towel around his waist.

So he could go to his room and dress, silly!

Sasuke put on the same boring old uniform that he wore every day. He wished that it could be kermit green, or something equally as hideous, but Kakashi refused to "let his charge walk around looking like a love-struck nerd that was obsessed with youth."

"Hey, what happened Sasuke?" Kakashi asked as Sasuke walked into the kitchen. "You get rejected or something?"

"Hunh?" Sasuke mumbled in confusion.

"Your eyes are red..." Kakashi prodded. "Like you've been crying..."

Sasuke walked to the fridge in response. "Need more shampoo," he informed Kakashi as he wrote on the hanging list.

"Oh. I see." Kakashi nodded knowingly. "You used extra because you're confessing to someone today, and it got in your eyes!"

"..." Sasuke favored his guardian with a disgruntled expression.

"Well then, hurry up, I have to go to work early!" Kakashi said cheerily.

Sasuke paused with a bite of egg still in his mouth. "Whharr?" He protested, swallowing. "But that means I'll have to sit there for a half hour with–"

"All your girlfriends!" Kakashi congratulated. "Make me proud, Sasuke! How many can you do before class starts! I really want to know!"

His charge growled. "Stop being such a kid! You're old!"

"Wanna take the subway at rush hour?"

Sasuke quieted, shooting Kakashi a glare every now and then.

"Didn't think so."

-

It was four-thirty in the morning.

Rock Lee had been up a half hour previous.

Perfecting his beautiful, youthful body of course.

But Rock Lee only wished it were beautiful in the first place.

He continued his katas, until five-thirty, and then went to shower.

And he looked in the mirror at his features.

The caterpillar eyebrows that he had inherited from his grandmother.

The cursed under-eyelashes had been given to him from his grandfather.

It appeared that in Lee's family, bad looks skipped around the generations.

The effect was quintupled by Lee's model-worthy parents.

Lie. They were models.

Lee leaned his round eyes towards the mirror hanging over the marble sink. It wasn't so bad when he could only see one part of himself at a time. At least his body was attractive.

...Lee knew that, at least. As he was an underwear model. And as long as no one ever found out besides his parents and his manager, his career would continue to flourish.

Lee stripped off his sweaty green basketball shorts and white tank before sinking into the full whirlpool bathtub for his customary soak.

Another plus for him: he took such good care of his body, that his skin was near perfect. Hardly any scarring.

Fifteen minutes later, he sighed and drained the water from the tub, turning on the showerhead to actually clean himself.

If he smelled bad, the kids at school would make worse fun of him than usual. Keyword, usual. Because usually, Lee endured about an hour of taunting, three spitballs, and two attempts to trip him in the halls. In addition to being trampled by the rabid fangirls of one Sasuke Uchiha.

Lee honestly despised those fangirls, almost as much as he despised Gai-sensei.

Gai-sensei happened to be the ugliest and weirdest teacher in school. The weirdest teacher in school, who had decided to latch onto the local ugly duckling who unfortunately wouldn't blossom into model-worthiness. Or even passable-worthiness. But instead of avoiding Gai-sensei and attracting more negative attention, Lee had opted to play the part of the teachers pet.

Lee wondered if maybe he had done something to draw the wrath of the gods to himself during his

previous life as a turtle.

"Lee, come get your breakfast," his mother called sweetly from the kitchen.

Obviously, Lee had.

"I know, I have to get dressed, Okaasan." Lee called drearily.

"Well hurry up, dear, the breakfast Ingrid made for you will get cold!" She responded gently.

Ingrid (the cook) (also the only person within the perimeter Lee considered uglier than himself,) grunted from the stove.

As Lee pulled on his clothes, he hoped that there was some way, _some way_, that he could repair his hopeless life.

-

By the time lunch came around, Kiba was tired of being in school. As a result, he snuck off campus to eat. And didn't come back for the rest of the day.

After all, nothing of interest had happened that day. Naruto was back to normal again, had been eating with his friends, Kiba had noted from his vantage on the roof (he had been avoiding his basketball coach, who wanted the team to practice during the lunch hour.)

So, in the interest of his sure-to-be ripped apart again and again muscles, Kiba opted to _leave._

But there were some things that Kiba couldn't see.

-

Lee had obediently sat at his desk all day, silently dreading gym with Gai-sensei, as usual. He chose to eat inside the classroom that particular day, instead of finding a place to hide from the thugs that occupied the school in rampant (how _had _that happened?) numbers.

It struck him, how pathetic he was. He was all brawn, how come he didn't stand up to them?

Because he didn't want to be even more of an outcast. The Monstrous Ugly Green Kid Attacks Again! would be the headlines on the school papers.

Not wanting to feel as alone as usual, Lee slunk and stole an absent student's seat by the window. He enjoyed watching the normal people. Almost as much as his favored pastime of watching his own _face._

The fangirls sat under their usual tree, some mooning and some glaring in the direction of Sasuke, who was sitting with the 'new kid', who was still 'new' because there had been no more transfers.

Lee supposed that the girls hated the new kid because he was prettier than them.

Prettier than the girls. The girls.

A boy, prettier than the girls.

And then, Lee resolved to make a change. He would become a beautiful person. Beautiful.

And he would be with the other beautiful people. Like the new kid.

Lee wondered why he didn't just think 'Naruto,' instead of 'the new kid.' After all, everyone in the school must have known his name by now.

Note: Based on what I know, Itachi is probably around fourteen. As in the dream, Naruto is seven or eight.

To Be Continued...

Well, that was a little odd.


	12. Politics

THIS CHAPTER WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Politik by Coldplay

And

At the expense of my math, government, biology and spanish homework.

Note: I just noticed that instead of Umino Naruto, I've been putting Uzumaki! I corrected it in this chapter, but if I made that mistake in previous chapters I would like to apologize and say that it was supposed to be Umino. No plot developments there, sorry!

Disclaimer: I don't think Masashi-sensei would write a yaoi manga. So, no, I don't own Naruto. Just the plot. (I don't even have yaoi in this, it's shounen ai! Whoo, let down, let down.)

Chapter 11: Politics

Just his luck. It was just Sasuke's luck that he had a lazy bastard for a caretaker, and that the lazy bastard couldn't be bothered to wake Sasuke up if Sasuke happened to oversleep just once.

He wouldn't have time to shower, so Sasuke rummaged through the lined closet and came up with a bottle of baby powder. The blue teddy bear adorning the label smiled maliciously back at him.

Sasuke shivered. He couldn't believe he was going to do this. He had spent far too much time in the presence of girls, hearing them talk and blather on about makeup and hairstyles and clothing.

He could hardly believe there was a point to it all.

Waveringly, he went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror at his hair. Not quite greasy, yet. But it would be before gym came, along with the chance to wash his hair.

Sasuke twisted the cap. The little holes in the lid appeared.

He turned the bottle over. Eight little white spots appeared on his palm. He shook. Now a pile.

Still unsure, Sasuke applied the powder to his hair. Now there was...a white splotch on his hair. Maybe he should just call in sick. It had been awhile since he missed school.

"_Sasuke-chan, make sure you get to school on time," _he remembered. _Kakashi called sweetly._

Sasuke took the hand towel and rubbed it in his hair. "Eh?" When he took it away, the white was gone, and his hair seemed less straggly than before.

He guessed it would do. Pleased, he continued to prepare for school.

Until he remembered, that he would have to take the subway.

-

Lee stood nervously by the door outside the classroom. He wanted to be sure he met Naruto as soon as he arrived. A few girls from student council giggled and hung a pink flyer between the rooms across from him.

One held the tape and rolled it into a tube, and stuck it onto the wall, while the other held the flyers and stuck the paper to the tape. The girl with the tape gestured, and they ran off, pleated skirts swaying about their thighs. Lee sighed.

He couldn't quite make out what was on the flyer; there were words and snowflakes, as far as he could tell. Lee would have walked over to see, but he didn't want to chance missing Naruto or being caught off guard.

Lee had to, _had to_, at least ask for Naruto to help make him pretty.

This, he decided, was his last chance.

-

Iruka pulled up to the school, and Naruto got out of the car, slamming the door and waving good-bye.

He hopped up the steps and jogged inside, slowing to a walk in front of the office and speeding up again once he had passed. He sprinted up the deserted staircase, not eager to reach class but less eager to idle in the halls.

Everything seemed normal, if more quiet than usual when he burst through the double doors from the stairs.

The first thing that caught his eye as he walked towards his homeroom was a pink paper on the wall.

"Ara? Winter dance?" He turned to look.

"Umino-kun!" a voice sounded behind him.

"Nyu!" Naruto shivered and turned around. "Hai!" A pair or round eyes met his.

_Eyebrows!_

_Stop it , that's rude! _

_But they're huuuuge! _

_Quit it, you'll make me forget and say something!_

"Aa-aa-yes?" Naruto backed up a few steps.

Lee realized how close he was standing, and backed up as well. "Gomen nasai. I didn't mean to startle you."

"-E-etou, it's ok." Naruto accepted the apology. "Can I help you?"

"..." Lee lost his train of thought.

"..." Naruto began, "Are you eyebro-alright?" _Eyebrows, eyebrows, the eyebrows! _

Lee gulped. Shit, he had forgotten what he wanted to say with this...golden child staring him in the face. Well, not staring directly at his face. Some of the time, though.

"I...uh..." Lee gulped again. Naruto continued to look expectantly.

"I...uh..." Lee steeled himself. He could do it!

Lee clenched his fists at his sides and didn't dare look Naruto in the eyes. "I would like for you to give me a make-over, Umino-k-kun!" He said loudly.

Naruto stared at the top of the bowl-cut with his eyes wide. Lee kept his head bowed and his fists clenched.

"Is everything alright?" a girl stuck her head out of a classroom to get a look with her cronies. It was enough to make Naruto snap to attention.

The blonde boy looked from the girls to Lee, who _still _had his head down. And to the girls again, and back to Lee. _Umm..._

He grinned widely and moved around to clap Lee hard on the back. "Sure I will, Turtle-kun! I never turn down a friend in need!" Lee coughed in bewilderment.

-

As Sakura rounded the corner, she was subjected to yelling, the sound of girls murmuring, and a loud smacking sound followed by more yelling. And to annoyingly sunny face of _Umino Naruto_.

Normally she would have turned around, or if she didn't have time, ignored them while she walked to her homeroom. But she was curious as to why the Gai-doppelganger was talking to her target. So she smiled sweetly as she slowed to a stop in front of them and asked,

"What's all the commotion about, Umino-san, Lee-san?"

Again, normally she wouldn't have referred to Rock Lee in such a familiar way, using his first name, but...Rock-san just sounded too weird. She wondered what people called his parents.

When Lee didn't answer, Naruto decided to answer for him. "Turtle-kun asked me for a bit of help, so I said I would!" he replied while slinging his arms around Lee's shoulders, to imply that they were friends.

Sakura gagged at the contrast between Lee's green uniform and Naruto's garish orange t-shirt, which was showing beneath his school jacket.

"I doubt there's any help for him at this point," Sakura muttered just loud enough for them to hear and breezed past them to first period.

"Oooh, I hate people like her. All nice on the outside but so condescending to the people who don't need it," Naruto hissed after her, his arm still around Lee.

Lee had frozen up. _Turtle-kun? TURTLE-KUN! Good god, will I never be free of Gai-sensei's influence! _

Naruto turned back to Lee. "Yosh! We'll get you looking like a model, in time to show you off at the winter dance, Turtle-kun!"

Lee decided to ask. "...Turtle-kun?" he hedged.

Naruto looked at him blankly. And then... "I have no idea what your name is,"

Lee felt like crying. He...didn't know his name? But they were classmates! If Naruto had no idea what Lee's name was, no wonder he though Lee was weird, coming up to him and calling him by name!

_Idiot...Turtle-kun? Turtle-CHAN would be much better. _

"Ee-etou, Turtle-chan, daijoubu?"

"D-daijoubu, Umino-kun!" Lee slumped further.

"G-gomen nasai! I'm sorry! Don't cry!" Naruto felt immediately bad. Although not really.

_Well, what else could you do? He was being creepy, and you know what that normally means. And I saw him watching us. Don't want him to get any ideas—_

_But it was mean! Even though I really don't know his name! _

_Don't know his name! How can you not, you've been in his class since you came, and he's one of the loudest people here! Don't know his name, my ass! _

_But I really don't! _

_Lee! Lee! Sakura called him Lee-san, you dumbass! Baka! Konoyaro! _

_Gomen..._

"Lee-kun! Lee-kun! See, I know your name!" Naruto frantically patted Lee on the back. Why he thought that would help Lee up out of the hole of depression he was slowly sinking into, Kyuubi knew not.

"...you just heard Sakura-san call me that..." Lee mumbled.

"Oh, come on, beautiful people don't act like that! Stop it or I won't help!"

"...you don't really want to help me, do you..." mumble. Mumble.

"...urk..."

-

Sasuke rounded the corner that Sakura had rounded only minutes before. And saw Naruto hugging...a green _thing. _

Why did shit seem to come in shipments these days? The hair, the late, now this–

Shikamaru was probably gonna confess and get accepted today or something, too.

Sasuke grumbled and growled. "What are you doing, Naruto?"

Naruto looked up, wide eyed and pathetic. "He won't stop! Sasu-chan, he keeps on sinking! Oh god, help!"

And Sasuke was struck by how very, very _wrong _that could have sounded. Especially in a place that wasn't school. "...what?"

"What the hell do you mean, baka? Sinking?" Sasuke glowered.

Naruto put his hand to the side of his mouth and whispered (as if it would have done any good, with Lee right by him,) "I forgot his name, and he asked me to give him a–" Lee's hand slapped over his mouth, and part of Naruto's explanation was garbled. Naruto continued without repeating, anyway. "and then Sakura came and said it was hopeless and Lee got all depressed, and I don't know what to do." Naruto gasped to a halt.

Sasuke glowered. "You're both stupid." He breezed by, much as Sakura had, but taking the time to hit Lee on the back of the head. Lee's comically straight hair bounced and returned. "Get to class, baka. Both of you."

Naruto and Lee looked at Sasuke, who was already inside the classroom.

"Did he...smell like baby powder to you?"

Lee nodded. It was a smell he was familiar with; it was used to keep clothes from sticking to the skin in some cases.

"Huh. I hope he hasn't regressed to wearing diapers." Naruto brooded. "Anyway, we'll talk strategy tomorrow, Lee-kun. I have to see when I'm meeting with Shikamaru and Sasuke to work on that project. Plus I'm having dinner with Iruka-nii on Sunday, so that won't work."

Lee still looked downcast, so Naruto gave him a good dose of the nice-guy pose. "Yosh! I won't let this mission go unaccomplished!"

-

Shikamaru considered jogging. Honestly, he did. But then the bell rang. So he decided, there wasn't really much point to rushing, anyway. He would just have to stand in the hallway.

TBC! Dundundun...

Uwaan...Lee was reminding me of Shinji from Prince of Tennis for awhile there... Gomen for the short chapter. And...I think I used more japanese than normal? I try to avoid it, except for suffixes and stuff, but...I was watching anime, I couldn't help it! I randomly say Japanese words to myself now, and I don't even understand it half the time! I have issues.

Japanese note: In case you didn't know 'daijoubu ka' is basically 'are you alright.' same for just 'daijoubu' and it is usually replied with 'daijoubu' as well, so...well incase you didn't know.

Read, review, die. But make sure you review before you die, because you sure as hell can't do it after! philosophy of the day

please review, I don't usually get very many: ( I apologize for the lateness, I'm an awful person.


	13. Winter Fever

Wow...I wrote chapter 14...thinking it was twelve...because I forgot about this chapter. Good thing I noticed, or you would be missing some vital information...Lucky you, double update!

Sorry for the late updates, as usual, I have been watching much illegal anime (haha, poor me doesn't have a job because the Borders website is gay so I can't afford to buy my own. Actually, maybe I'll sign up at for narutofan plus? You can get anime there, too...)

Disclaimer: Mada mada dane. (That translates to no, not yet, right? Or something along those lines.)

Chapter 13: Winter Fever

"Yosh, Lee-kun!" A voice thundered through the halls. "Are you fired up for gym class? Youth and passion!"

Lee slumped. "G-gai-sensei..." He whimpered pathetically.

Naruto looked over his shoulder. "Why is he behind us? Shouldn't he be in the gym waiting for class to begin?" _But then again, it is Gai-sensei. _

"YOOOOOOSH! FIRE! PASSION! YOOOOUUUUTH!"

"He normally doesn't, Naruto. You wear earplugs right before heading to gym, don't you?" Sasuke grumbled irritably. He couldn't believe that the Amazing Eyebrow(s) was hanging out with them.

"Oh, yeah," Naruto crossed his eyes, like he was trying to see if his ears were empty from the inside, and stuck his pointer fingers in, just in case.

"BUUUUURRRNING!"

"Pssh. Troublesome." Shikamaru still hadn't figured out what was going on. None of his 'friends' had bothered to tell him.

"LEEEEEE!"

Lee slumped further. "Gomen nasai, Umino-kun."

Gai-sensei stampeded down the hall. "LEE! I WILL SEE YOU IN CLASS! FIGHT WITH PASSION!" He winked an atrociously lashed eye at the quartet and he stormed past.

"What was that?" "He's yelling to Lee again?" "Saa, they're both so weird." The Naruto-tachi couldn't quite make out what the girls and boys in the halls were saying, but Lee was sure that it was something along those lines.

It was at times like these that Lee felt he was bringing everyone else down.

"Eww, Sasuke-sama is hanging out with that teacher's pet!"

Yes, far, far down.

"Oi, oi, Lee-kun, you can't associate with him so much." Naruto whispered. "It's gonna be bad for your image." He squinted at the bowl-cut. "On second thought, maybe it is your image."

"Anyway, the makeover will be pointless if you keep on hanging around him." Naruto added.

Lee clenched his fists. Wasn't it obvious...! Was it true that a person couldn't be both pretty and intelligent?

Naruto smiled to himself. Funny. It was undoubtedly amusing, that Lee had such clear ideas yet refused to voice them because he didn't have the confidence. He decided to play dumb for awhile.

_Aah, koi-kun's mean too. _

_Such a bastard, what' s your problem?_

_Anata, you're soooo cruuuueel. _

"Gai-sensei's so weird. Of all the teachers to latch onto, you had to choose him. Geez, he's like a leech, impossible to shake off," Naruto scratched his chin and jibed off-handedly.

'Hell, do you think I chose him because I like him? He's the only teacher that would pay any attention to me, because I'm untalented and annoying-looking! Eyebrows, eyebrows, owl-eyes and eyelashes, that's all they see when they look at me, a freaking weirdo!' Lee fumed.

_Etou, Naruto, that's not a good thing to do, _Sasuke thought worriedly. Not that he was worried about Lee attacking Naruto, but it wasn't a good idea for someone as small and frail as Naruto to piss someone as athletic as Rock Lee off.

By now, the four were turning to the steps down into the changing rooms. Naruto kept prodding the entire time.

"Eh, eh? I mean, he's loud and his eyebrows–were yours like that before you met him, or did they grow in after? Stuff like that happens, you know–"

"Naruto-kun, it's not good to-" Shikamaru decided to cut in, but before he could force out the rest of the scolding, Lee decided to explode. Right in the staircase. In the way of the other students who were trying to go change their clothes for gym class.

"That's enough! Umino, would I have come to you if I had another option! Only a moron would embarrass themself like that, and I'm stupid, but not that stupid! I didn't get in here just because my family's rich!" Lee steamed. "I hate Gai-sensei! I HATE GAI-SENSEI!" He threw a well-aimed punch at the wall behind Naruto's head.

_Naa, anata, I bet you didn't expect him to get violent. _Naruto felt Kyuubi purr.

Naruto looked at Lee's red and heaving face. "That's good, Lee-kun. I was waiting for you!" he smiled brightly.

One of the boys waiting to get past wolf-whistled. He was promptly punched in the back of the head by Kiba, who growled, "That's great, just wonderful, can you move your fat asses now! We still have to change, and I'm not running fifty laps around the court on my arms 'cause of you."

This triggered the stampede-reaction, sending Naruto, Lee, and Sasuke (Shikamaru had slipped out of the way awhile ago, he was a genius after all), into the locker room via the face-to-the-moldy-floor method.

"Itai!" Naruto struggled to his feet. "That hurt!"

Sasuke leaned against a nearby locker with his expression poised irritably. "It wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you, Naruto-baka." he grumbled angrily, nursing a bruise.

"Keh, troublesome. You should have known to move out of the way," Shikamaru moved to help Naruto up.

His advances were rejected by the wall of flesh that suddenly sprung up between him and the blond gaki. Neji stood, tall and imposing, glaring down at Shikamaru with those unsettling white eyes. Wordlessly, he turned, stooped and, putting his hands under Naruto's arms, lifted him to his feet.

"Ehh, sankyuu, er...Neji..." _It's that weird guy again...that was at the café with me and Konohamaru..._

"Un." Neji nodded stoically. Naruto thought he saw a hint of a blush. He must have gotten flushed in the stampede, although he looked to have more stamina than that...

"YOOOOOOSHU! LET'S GET SHAKIN' MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! CHANGE BY THE END OF THE BELL OR RUN ONE HUNDRED LAPS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES! AND IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT, 200 PUSHUPS!" Gai-sensei shrieked and blew his whistle.

"Crap," Shikamaru muttered. He quickly changed, the others following suit sullenly.

-

"Eh? All of my passionate students made it out on time! It's a blessed thing to see the power of youth!" Gai clutched his fist to his chest. "LEE!"

"H-hai, sensei." Lee stood up from the bleachers.

"Lead the class in the warmups. Then separate into teams, we're playing dodgeball."

The class groaned collectively; there were those who appreciated justification for throwing balls at their classmates, but most did not enjoy being on the receiving end. People just threw too hard out of desperation. And it hurt. A lot.

Gai-style dodgeball, frankly put, was hell.

Lee marched to the front of the class stiffly, shouted quietly 'one, two, one, two' and began to stretch his sides. The rest of the class complied bleakly, wanting to limber up a little so it would be easier to dodge.

"One, two, one, two," Lee counted.

Gai-sensei strode around the squads, taking attendance and noting his students' form.

"Yuki, you're not stretching far enough. Inuzuka, you're not holding it long enough. Pull, and before you switch, pull harder," Gai-sensei instructed.

The class murmured half-heartedly as the stretches ended, looking longingly over at the girls' class that was playing volleyball.

Lee picked a random student and they began sorting into two teams. He continued to pick randomly; either way, Lee's team would win, because he was the most fit and would outlast anyone on a sports team.

Out of pity for Naruto's low endurance, or gratefulness for Naruto's favor, Lee's finger landed on the blonde and Naruto came to Lee's side. Soon after, Sasuke and Neji followed. Lee decided that if he could, he would guard Naruto from the harder throws.

-

Kiba may have slacked off a lot, but he was still one of the best players on the basketball team. That was the only reason he hadn't been kicked off even though he missed most of the practices.

A couple of his teammates were on his side for gym; their team was winning, but not by much. It wouldn't be long before they were overtaken by Lee.

Kiba threw a well-aimed kickball and it hit Sasuke square in the eyes.

"Argh!" the pretty boy fell backwards and his glasses fell off.

"Haha! Four-eyes!" Kiba's team chortled.

A dodgeball rolled conveniently up to Kiba. There weren't too many weaklings left on the other side now; it had been lucky that Sasuke couldn't see like he normally could in the first place.

Kiba searched for a place to hit, and his eyes fell on...Naruto. The new kid.

Kiba didn't really want to hit Naruto. Naruto was fragile, like a girl, and he was actually kinda nice, from Kiba's perspective. Not that he had spoken to the boy much.

"Kiba, throw the goddamn ball! He's wide open!"

It was true. Lee had occasionally caught some of the balls thrown at Naruto, but was now occupied on the other side.

"Kiba, fucking throw or pass to someone else!"

Naruto stood, a little worried about being hit. He couldn't dodge very well, not on the court. There was too much going on for him to dodge and pay attention to the others.

"Gawdammit, Kiba!"

Kiba stood, looking at Naruto, until he felt the ball being pulled out of his hands by Takamaru. Takamaru promptly threw the ball at Shino, who was kneeling in a corner, looking at some ants.

Shino jerked slightly when he was hit harshly on the back, then picked up the ants and moved off the court to the end of the line where everyone else who was out waited to see if a ball would be caught so they could go back in.

"...oh." Kiba muttered. So they hadn't been talking about Naruto. Ha, ha.

"Jesus, Kiba, you're a fricken idiot." Takamaru mouthed.

Lee sprung into action, now that the court was freed up and he could move more.

Kiba's team lost in the next five minutes.

-

Naruto invited Lee over for his makeover next Saturday. He would have to arrive early, because they had a lot to do. Appointments and such.

And they had to discourage Gai-sensei, too.

TBC!

Ok, it occurred to me, that gai-sensei and kawamura have a similarity in the yelling thing. But kawamura's hott, and sensei's not. So there.

Review, review, review

Hey, does anyone see a similarity in the leads for Kyou Kara Maou and Sukisyo? Because Hashiba is exactly like Yuuri to me and Sunao is exactly like Wolfram. Freaky, they're both bitchy.


	14. A Tweezing Adventure

It just struck me...that I have no idea where my original idea went. And that I absolutely cannot believe that after all the shit they put us through, now that we finally see what Sasuke looks like, he's the SAME. Honestly.

And I am having a poll for a hikago fiction: do you prefer wayahika or mitanihika? Now, don't just say waya because he appears most; think how cute mitani is and how little we see of him. I mean, they made a big deal out of him and when hikaru moved on, he wasn't important! See, that was the real reason he was mad at Hikaru for becoming an insei!

Wayahika: 1 (from the one person on aarinfantasy who reviewed...cries)

Mitanihika: CERO!

Keep in mind that the fic is...angsty and minorly graphic. Because I suck at lemon.

Disclaimer: Since when have I owned anything...nay, not even the clothes on my own back...

Chapter 14: A Tweezing Adventure (I can't believe I made a whole chapter about this...it's long, too.)

"U-umino-kun..." Lee whimpered.

"Nani?" Naruto answered innocently.

"I-I..." Lee whimpered again.

"Hmm?"

"I...dun..."

"Don't what? Come on, already!" Naruto chuckled angelically. The light of the rising sun, courtesy of that Saturday morning, shone on his head.

Lee's breath would have caught, if he weren't suffering from so many different forms of anxiety.

Sasuke took his hand out of his pocket, and stuck it back in for effect. "What the hell's with you? This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"W, well, won't they laugh at me in the salon, though?" Lee lowered his head shamefully. The light caught on the straight filaments, creating a halo.

"You really do have beautiful hair, Lee-kun." Naruto commented offhandedly. "But you're right. They will."

Sasuke glared at the blonde. "You're not helping this end any faster, Umino."

Naruto glared back. "Since I can understand why you wouldn't want to be _laughed at_, Lee-kun," he enunciated, "We can go to my house. I'm sure we have tweezers there; that'll take care of the eyebrows, and then we can go to a stylist to take care of the hair because..." he broke off meaningfully.

Sasuke bristled. "What!"

"Well, I've never cut hair before, Iruka-niisan takes me to a stylist too, so we'll go there. We can see from here what a haircut from Sasuke would look like. Rooster-butt. Way worse than helmet-hair." Naruto coolly shot.

"Huh?" Sasuke dropped his jaw, but the joke took effect; Lee giggled.

"Ok, Umino-kun!"

"...stop calling me Umino-kun. That's for people you don't know, and we're friends now, Lee-kun. It sounds dorky." Naruto reprimanded.

"Naruto," Lee rolled the name on his tongue.

"Gooood job. Come on, we'll have to walk for at least twenty minutes to get to my apartment." Naruto began to lead his troop of rooster and turtle.

-

"Have you ever done this before?" Sasuke looked on critically.

"Of course not!" Naruto pinched the tweezers experimentally. "I'm blonde, why would I need to?"

"So they're Umino-san's?" Sasuke raised an aristocratic eyebrow.

Naruto sweated. "Well, actually, no, I don't think he's ever had an eyebrow problem..."

"Then who's are they?" Lee chimed in curiously.

"..." Naruto pondered. "I don't know."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I can only hope they're not diseased. But they're not touching me, so I don't really care."

"Yosh!" Naruto clicked the tweezers, and Lee had second thoughts...again.

-

"I-TAI!" Lee wailed.

"What are you yelling for? I only did one!" Naruto yelled over Lee's wailing.

"It huuuurts!" Lee cried. "You try it!"

"Thanks but no..."

"Dobe. I'll get some ice. Or drugs." Sasuke walked towards the kitchen. Maybe he would get both. Alcohol?

"Naruto, I don't think I should take sleeping pills just for this..." Lee half-heartedly protested, and Sasuke took the opportunity to pin the bowl-cut down while Naruto poured a liberal amount down Lee's throat.

"Don't try this at home, kids!" he cheered.

"Naruto, I don't think that'll work right away..." Lee gagged.

"Ya-tta!" Naruto chopped the back of Lee's neck with the side of his hand. Lee dropped backwards, unconscious, a few stray pills spilling out the side of his mouth.

"Sasu-chan, get the icepack and aloe, it's time to tweeze!"

"...dobe..."

"Don't you 'dobe' me, Sasu-teme! My special concoction of aloe and ice always works!"

"...but I thought you'd never done this before..." Sasuke deadpanned. Not that he cared; it wasn't his eyebrows.

"Past lives, my friend, previous incarnations." Naruto smirked mysteriously.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Again. Maybe...cocked, his eyebrow, was a better way to say it. To go along with his rooster-butt hair. "And these incarnations are proficient enough at plucking eyebrows to not make Lee hate you forever?"

Naruto paused in slathering aloe along Lee's eyebrows. "No. But I figure I won't make them really fine, like ours. Just thin enough that someone else can perfect them without laughing. Or being grossed out." He positioned the icepack directly above Lee's brow and let it sit for a few minutes before beginning to tweeze.

Sasuke looked on in morbid interest. There was going to be quite a pile of hair on the washcloth...

Naruto lowered the tweezers to Lee's brow once again and pinched. Slowly, he pulled. No reaction. Lee's expression didn't change in the slightest.

Naruto pulled harder. _Bon! _A cluster of short black hairs came out, leaving a small patch of red on Lee's fine skin. Lee's face twitched a little, and smoothed.

"I can't believe it. They actually weren't glued on." Sasuke commented sardonically.

Naruto shot a dirty look at Sasuke. "That wasn't necessary."

Sasuke che'd and looked away. But he always looked back. The procedure was too sordidly interesting.

He felt smugly glad that Shikamaru had housework, courtesy of his mother.

-

Lee blinked slowly. The sun was shining in his eyes; it hurt. Well, not hurt exactly, but it was bothersome.

It wasn't so bothersome as the discovery that his face was numb, though. And that it had gauze taped to it.

"Hyaa!" Lee shrieked. "Naruto-kun! Naruto-kuuun!" He shot off the toilet (they had been in the bathroom) and ran to the living room. Naruto and Sasuke were kneeling on the floor, drinking tea.

"Nani, Lee?" Naruto asked quizzically as Lee skidded to a halt before them.

"Why is this on my face! Did you-did you- mess up?" Lee breathed harshly.

"Geez. Dobe, both of you. You wanted him to do it instead of a professional, and now you have the nerve to complain?" Sasuke reprimanded.

"I-I..." Lee mouthed. Then it had gone badly?

"Shut up, Sasu-chan. They turned out fine, and you're just angry because of it." Naruto glared and sipped his tea.

Turning to Lee, he said, "They're not thin, but I figured if I got rid of the worst of it, a professional could take care of the rest. And they look fine, I just put aloe and gauze on because they're red. If I didn't it would hurt more."

Lee's round eyes opened comically. "Oh."

"You should wait an hour or so before taking it off. The redness should be gone by then and we can move on." Naruto ordered offhandedly.

"How...long was I asleep?" Lee asked.

"Three or four hours. We gave you a lot of sleeping pills, it's actually kind of amazing you woke up," Sasuke supplied.

"Hn, wait, you don't want to go out in that, do you, Lee? Your shirt's so...green." Naruto suddenly commented.

"Etou..."

"Yeah, why are your street clothes green too? You don't see Gai-sensei outside of school, do you?" Sasuke wondered.

Lee blushed. "Well, normally, no, and my normal clothes are...well, pretty normal, but Gai-sensei made a house call one time and searched my closet. And stole everything that wasn't green.

"So then he bought me a lot of green clothes, wreaked havoc, and now my parents won't let my buy anything else so Gai-sensei won't have an excuse to come over." Lee sobbed.

Naruto and Sasuke looked sick for a moment. "That's sick."

"Yeah..." Sasuke agreed.

"But anyway, I'll fix that problem for you too, Lee!" Naruto grinned ferally. "Being hot isn't just about looks! You can't have annoying people hanging offa you!"

"Oh...can I take the bandage off now, then? And we can go?"

Naruto looked at the wall clock. "Hnn...I guess they can come off now...but..." His brow furrowed. "Just a sec...you look like you're Iruka-nii's size, about. A little smaller, but that's ok, baggy is still kinda cool, I guess...and..."

-

Lee sat apprehensively. Naruto had only been gone two minutes, but Sasuke was making no attempt to comfort him at all, and Naruto had said some very strange things.

"Yoshu! Here it is! Put these on, but don't take off the bandage yet!" Naruto stomped lightly into the sitting room, his arms laden with clothes and a pair of sunglasses.

"Eh? Is this really ok?" Lee asked as he took the proffered clothing.

"Yah, Iruka won't mind, and we'll wash them anyway. Go on, you can change in my room."

Lee walked hesitantly into the white bedroom. It was very clean, he noticed. Everything was put away in drawers, or hung in the closet. The sheets on the bed looked like the dustcatchers that people put over furniture in unused rooms. The only evidence that someone actually lived there was the keychain and cell phone on the mirrored bureau.

Lee closed the door with a sharp click and felt like the walls were looking at him.

Naruto had spent many hours staring at those walls, not that Lee knew.

Awkwardly, Lee took off his forest-green shirt and darker green shorts. He had at least _tried _to coordinate in toned-downed colors so he wouldn't be much of an embarrassment.

The clothes that Naruto had stolen from Iruka weren't what Lee had expected. He had always imagined the man in leather; some kind of rocker that raised the super-cute Naruto into a pampered lifestyle although he had really wanted a daughter.

But Naruto hadn't brought leather; he had brought black pants that were only a little loose on Lee (he supposed that when they fit properly, they were rather tight), a plain black t-shirt, and a white button-down shirt.

And somehow, the air the clothes gave off told Lee that their owner was stuffy rather than wild. And that the t-shirt was more casual than Iruka normally wore.

The shirt and button-down hung loosely as well; Iruka must be taller, Lee surmised, with broader shoulders. But that made sense, since Iruka was older.

Briefly, Lee fingered the bandage to make sure it was in place. He didn't want Naruto to think he had taken it off.

Naruto was standing when Lee stepped out of the room.

"Hey, I thought they would fit! Iruka hardly ever wears those pants, he likes pants with a normal fit, so I guess they fit that way on you. They look kinda cool," Naruto exclaimed.

"Really?" Lee blushed.

"Yanno, I wouldn't have wasted my breath lying to you. Comere', sit down." Naruto ordered, gesturing at the sofa.

Lee sat and Naruto quickly moved in.

"A-ah! What are you doing!" Lee stared in shock at Naruto's chest. It was still clothed; but Lee was a prude.

"I'm taking off the gauze. Sasuke, get the washcloth." Sasuke went and wetted the washcloth in the kitchen sink.

Painstakingly, Naruto peeled off the tape adhering the gauze to Lee's forehead.

"Eew," Lee whined. "That feels gross."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "It's the aloe. Smells bad, too." The gauze made sticking noises, but Naruto could see that the skin was relatively clear.

Sasuke returned with the washcloth, and Naruto wiped away the remnants of the gel.

Sasuke hmph'ed. "Not bad."

Lee blinked. "Really? Let me see–"

Naruto put his hands on Lee's shoulders. "Nope, you don't get to see until you get a haircut." He picked up the sunglasses from the coffee table and slapped them on Lee's face.

"Be sure not to look in any mirrors, now. Not that you'd be able to see, anyway." Naruto chirped.

"U-un." Lee faintly acknowledged. That was unfair.

"Anyway," Naruto continued. "I called my own hairdresser and he'll be waiting for us. We should go. Don't worry, he won't laugh at the bowl-cut. I explained, and he's very understanding. I"ve known him since before I was adopted."

"If you say so...thanks, Naruto." Lee said gratefully.

TBC

Well, I wanted to post as soon as possible, since if I didn't now, I never would, because I have two projects to do ;) So, surprise character next chap! I'm going to try to move the plot along, too. By the dance, something exciting will happen, I promise. I decided what I'm going to do to finish up so I can finish my _other_ story and then finish and post the hikago fic I'm working on!

So don't forget to vote! Wayahika or mitanihika!

Vote and review! Kill two birds with one stone!

(Coming to you unedited as usual) I absolutely apologize, I know the chapter numbers are off, but I just reposted a lot of crap, and I'm not sure if it's right anyway. I hope so, but if you have any questions, ask!


	15. I Wanna Be A Star, Star, Star

Alright, from here on out the chapters are going to be numbered correctly!

Warning: Bashing of Sasuke's hair. Lots of it.

Chapter 15: I Wanna Be A Star, Star, Star (yes, it's Sailor moon. Wanna fight!)

Lee could see his reflection in the window out of the corner of his eye. It took all of his willpower to not turn his head and look.

"Lee, it's right up there." Naruto intoned and pointed at a building.

It looked like one of those corporate buildings that for some reason had high-class hair stylists and makeup artists stationed inside; like from those extreme-makeover shows. Lee was dubious; Naruto got his hair done _here_? It didn't seem like it suited him. Naruto should get his hair cut at a cutesy pink boutique by a super-cute girl.

"He's going to like you, you have great hair, Lee. Eh, well except for the cut. But you take good care of it." Naruto reached up and fingered a blunt lock. Lee twitched his face away nervously.

"Hmph." Sasuke muttered. "That's if he can breath after laughing so hard."

Naruto glared. "You know, you didn't have to come, teme. Besides, he wouldn't even want to touch your hair. He'd be scared of bird poop coming out."

"..." Sasuke made a face. The face with the round eyes and the lips wrinkled and turned down. That face he made when he first saw Gai-sensei and Lee. Together.

But that was normal; everyone made that face.

"Besides, he wouldn't even be able to cut it. There's too much gel." Naruto finished. See the face, multiplied tenfold.

"Anyway, come on, he'll be upset if we're late. Well, not really, he acts kinda stoned so he won't really care. But someone else might take him if we're not there on time." Naruto seized Lee's arm and pulled him into the building. Sasuke shook the expression from his face and followed.

The three got into a mirrored elevator. Naruto immediately slapped his hands over Lee's eyes (underneath the shades) because the elevator was well lit.

"I'll keep it like this, Lee, so you don't get a chance to see. We'll blindfold you so you can't see when you get your haircut." Naruto cheerfully explained in order to stifle Lee's protests.

"If you say so, Naruto." Lee responded, dubious once again.

The elevator jerked to a halt, and the doors opened with a 'ding!' Sasuke led Lee out so he wouldn't trip, and Naruto kept Lee's eyes covered.

Naruto pushed Lee to the end of the long room, to a larger space where a blonde man with shoulder-length hair stood.

"Yoo-hoo! Genma-kun!" Naruto whistled.

The blonde man grinned lecherously. "Hey, Naru-chan." he stepped back and held out his arm, expansively welcoming Lee to sit down, not that he could see.

Naruto told Lee to keep his eyes shut as he pushed the taller boy down into the chair.

"How ya' been, Naru-chan?" Genma grinned again.

Naruto enveloped Genma in a hug. "I've been fine, Genma-kun. School, you know."

Sasuke didn't like what he was seeing. They looked like they knew each other much better than a hairdresser and a hairdressee should.

"Kawaii! Naru-chan!" Genma fluffed Naruto's hair.

"...Naruto?..." Lee asked worriedly. He heard Sasuke make grumbling sounds.

"Oh, Lee-kun, turn around, would ya'?" Genma switched his attention to Lee, who awkwardly swivelled the chair around to where he thought the hairdresser was. Genma seized the armrests and angled Lee so he would be staring straight at Genma, instead of a mirror.

"So, Naruto tells me you're looking for something new?" Genma smiled. "Open your eyes, please."

Lee opened his great round eyes. "Hn? You have very thick eyelashes, I guess the girls are jealous," Genma complimented. "But they're a little thinker on the bottom than they should be, I might have someone come to thin them out."

"Not really, Genma-san." Lee stared fixedly at the man's chest.

"Hmm..." Genma rubbed his chin. "I think I know what I want to do. It's too bad your hair isn't longer, I could do so much more with it."

"We just want to get rid of the helmet hair, Genma-kun." Naruto was sitting on the shelf where the supplies were kept, swinging his legs.

"Um-m." Genma agreed. "But come back when it's grown out a bit." He began to look around; maybe for his scissors? Shampoo?

What he saw was Sasuke. He stared for a minute. Sasuke stared back. It was...yet another staring contest.

"Dude," Genma finally broke the silence, "Get a new barber. The one you have now sucks. You'd be much cuter with a different haircut."

The vein in Sasuke's cheek twitched. "I'm going out for a bit, Naruto." he said through clenched teeth. "I'll be back in a half hour, tops." Sasuke spun on his heel. A girl who had just finished getting her hair styled squealed.

Once Sasuke was out of range, Genma stood Lee up, keeping his eyes shut once again, and led him to the sink to wash his hair.

"He sets off my gaydar, Naru-chan," Genma commented.

"And you set off mine, Genma-kun." Naruto wryly responded.

"Really? Sasuke's gay?" Lee asked. He couldn't see, because there was a towel over his eyes.

"Well, his hair isn't. It's straight. But Sasuke probably is, most likely it was all the fangirls." Naruto explained.

"I...don't understand." Lee mumbled.

Genma decided to explain. "His hair doesn't attract guys. It repels them. Because it looks like rooster-butt. But girls don't care, because they're weird."

Lee trembled as the hot water was sprayed onto his head. "You're not making my hair...either way, right?"

Genma chuckled. "Well, most hair isn't either way. I just made that up because his is ugly."

"Oh,"

Genma poured a quarter of shampoo into his palm and began to lather it into Lee's hair. "I like you, kid. You know what's important."

"Eh?"

"Hair-care, kiddo. Hair-care."

"Oh, well I try to take care of my body–gaag!" Lee answered amiably before Genma turned on the cold water to rinse out the shampoo.

Genma removed the towel from Lee's eyes and used it to dry the boy's hair. He then took an eyemask and taped the elastic to either side of Lee's eyes, so the band wouldn't be in his hair.

By the time Lee was in the chair again, he was cloaked and had his hair pinned up.

"Hey, don't take too much off," Naruto grinned from the ledge.

"Yeah, yeah," Genma chuckled.

Lee could feel the snippets of hair trickling down to his neck, and could hear them skittering off the cloak. And he felt nervous once again. Was so much change really good? Would it really make him happy?

Maybe he should just quit, and wait till after highschool to move away from home and Gai-sensei, and live as a reclusive underwear model till the end of his days.

-

Genma didn't look at Naru-chan while he was working. But he did think about him.

Recently, Naru-chan had gone to a new school; he had stayed there longer than he had at others. But Naru-chan's demeanor hadn't changed in the slightest from when he was in a school where he was ignored, or beat up, or spoken down.

Genma had known Naru-chan for most of his life; he had at one time been a customer. Lots of prominent characters had, so it wasn't surprising that a high-ranked stylist like Genma had dallied in hobbies outside what people considered 'safe.'

He felt mild guilt for being a least part of the cause for Naru-chan's segregation. It wasn't all his fault though; not even mostly; only fractionally. It had been someone else, probably a cheating father who reacted in shock that his son was attending school with a child-whore and revealed Naru-chan's secret.

And it was the parent's fault that the children despised Naru-chan because of his family situation, and his mental state.

But Genma was glad that no matter what, Naru-chan still grinned like a fox and ignored it. Or at least seemed to.

That way, Genma didn't need to feel guilty.

-

By the time Sasuke got back, Genma was almost done with the cut. The normal scissors were clutched between his teeth with ease, perhaps because he smoked and was used to it. The blonde man was using the rough scissors to make the edges of the cut more uneven; when it dried, it seemed that Lee's hair would fluff out. A bit like Naruto's, perhaps, but not so much because Lee's hair was longer.

As he finished, Genma picked up a tinier pair of scissors-they looked like the kind used to trim baby fingernails.

"Now, kiddo, I wouldn't advise doing this at home," Genma lectured. He had taken off the eyemask and had turned the chair around again. "One time my uncle cut off his eyelashes because people said he looked like a girl and they never grew back, but most people don't do this so I wouldn't know much about it.

"just come on back if you need them done again." Before starting, Genma ordered Lee to look at the ceiling. Quickly but carefully, the three lashes on each side were decimated, leaving the thick dark lashes that surrounded Lee's round eyes to dominate.

Sasuke was struck by how...normal Lee looked at that moment.

Genma replaced the mask. "Ok now, I'm gonna dry you're hair and then you can see."

Lee heard the whirring of the blow dryer and felt the hot air scalding his scalp; Genma's hands rummaged along his scalp and a comb picked up certain areas.

The whirring stopped and the mask was removed. Lee still had his eyes shut.

"Lee, you can look now." Naruto urged.

Lee opened his eyes and found his reflection right next to Naruto. He gasped.

"Bi-bishounen!" He exclaimed.

Sasuke's face took on a sour look. But maybe he would lose some of his fangirls...

"Lee, you're pretty!" Naruto giggled.

Lee gaped at his reflection for a moment longer, and began to smile. He-he wasn't a freak anymore. He was _normal_.

"Glad you like it," Genma stood back and admired his work. "I hear you're paying by card?"

Lee handed over his gold card. And made sure he left Genma a very generous tip.

"Kay, Lee, let's fix your wardrobe. Green isn't good, yanno." Naruto stood and stretched his legs.

Sasuke spun around and began to walk back to the elevator.

They forgot the sunglasses.

TBC!

Aww...cuuuute! Lee-kun's pretty! And he is...I drew a picture of him bcz I'm avoiding my exceedingly important project...but no matter. Too bad you can't see it, because not only do I not have a deviantart account, I don't have a scanner! Yet. I plan to buy one as soon as I get a job.

0.0 I wonder if someone else will draw me a fanart so I won't be a loser for drawing fanart for my own fic?

Review please! It makes me sad to see fics with "omg thei went 2 the malland narto was like omg saske ur hawtt." that have tons and tons of reviews. Not that mine are good, but still.

Coming to you unedited as usual.


	16. The Black Uniform

Disclaimer: Nope. But I do enjoy going on those forums for people who bitch about the dub like _they _own it. They're pretty interesting.

Chapter 16: The Black Uniform.

Lee's eyes teared up. It–he couldn't believe it. For once, as he walked into school, he didn't feel like a walking plant. And it was all thanks to Naruto-kun.

However, his spirits soon dropped. When he had walked into school before, in all his planty-green glory, no one had said anything. Well, except for the odd 'wowza, it's the green-suited-wonderboy.'

But constant whisperings followed in his wake this Monday. Perhaps people thought he was foolish, narcissistic, stupid for thinking a new look would endear him to them.

With his head kept low, Lee made his way to the classroom. He was a little late today, because he had forgotten to begin his routine early so that he would have time to dry his hair. Not that he had to; he just liked the new fluffy feeling of it. What did people call it–novel? Yes, having hair not matted to your skull was a novelty.

As soon as he walked into the room with his head low so he wouldn't attract attention, Naruto immediately screwed everything over.

"Hey, Lee! Come over here, show Shikamaru!" the gaki waved enthusiastically. The Nara was half sitting, half leaning on Naruto's desk, with his usual uninterested demeanor.

Almost collectively, the heads swivelled and the mouths gasped.

"Uuwaan! Kawaii!" Ino squealed. "Naruto, that's Lee?"

"Un, Sasu and I took him out to relieve him of Gai's terror." Naruto crossed his arms with an accomplished air.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows and whistled. "Wow, Lee. That's interesting."

Lee rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess. It's all thanks to Naruto, he helped a lot."

"_Uwaan, he called Umino-kun by his first name!" _

"_So personal!" _

Some nameless girls at the back of the classroom kyaa'd.

Lee blushed and Naruto laughed it off.

Ino slunk behind him and began to trace circles on his chest. "You know, I never noticed how built you were, Lee-kun," she murmured.

Hinata blushed and stammered. "Y-you look v-very ni-nice, Lee-san."

At this point, Sasuke stealthily snuck into the room. He was wearing a black hooded jacket, with the hood pulled over his head.

Sasuke was foiled as well, because Sakura squealed, "Hello, Sasuke-kun!" and some of the girls flocked towards him.

Sasuke slumped at his desk till first bell rang.

-

The teacher walked into the room and began to take attendance.

"Uchiha Sasuke-san?"

"Here."

"..." the teacher paused.

"..." Sasuke paused for longer.

"Sasuke-san. I'm afraid your jacket does not conform to school regulations. Please take it off." The teacher decided. Sasuke was a school favorite, for his grades, but even so...

Sasuke paused again. A few people were looking back at him already; the longer he took, the more would turn around. Naruto was eyeing him mistrustfully, too.

"Ne, Sasuke, you didn't start cutting yourself, did you?" the blonde brashly inquired.

The girls gasped and swivelled their heads to gaze in horror at Sasuke, who had his hands at his hood.

"..." Sasuke glared from beneath the hood. "No, baka."

"Sasuke-san. Please take off the hood and stop disrupting class. Shirosuke Hideki?"

"Here."

Sasuke painstakingly pulled down the hood. The girls that were still looking at him gasped; hearing the gasp, more people turned to look, and gasped in turn. So more and more people turned to look. All gasping. Except for some of the boys, who laughed.

"Wow, he got a scary haircut." Kiba snickered. Neji smirked.

"Oh no, Sasuke, you should have just stuck with rooster-butt." Naruto sighed dramatically.

The rooster-butt had been turned down. But that meant that it still flipped out in back; to match, the haircutter had flipped out the side bangs. Bam. Childhood-Lee-Style. Sans eyebrows. With glasses.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura murmured breathlessly; she looked forlorn. "Don't worry. I won't abandon you, even if every parishioner leaves your church..."

Some other girls squawked indignantly. "We wouldn't leave Sasuke-san for something like this!"

Naruto grinned mischievously. "Sorry, Lee. Looks like we'll have to take another trip to Genma-kun's. It's Sasuke-kun's turn this time."

Sasuke fumed and slid down in his seat. This was what he got for trying something new. Damn his father, insisting that he have the family traditional-cut. It was their fault. With their bad eyesight, they couldn't tell that it was ugly and—

Hence, the rooster-butt. Hell, they could have come up with something to match the Uchiha uchiwa, but nooooo.

"Sorry, Lee. This was supposed to be your time, but I guess Sasuke stole all the attention," Shikamaru stated drolly. "What a spoiled brat,"

Sasuke slid down further. This day was turning out to suck more and more.

_Kakashi sat down at the kitchen table with his bowl of Lucky Charms. Sasuke trod into the kitchen, all doom and gloom as usual. Without even a good morning, he opened the cupboard and pulled out his own cereal; Special K. _

_Kakashi had always considered it a strange brand for a growing boy. But Sasuke was strange; so at the grocer he pretended he had a girlfriend that was on a diet. _

_Sasuke poured the cereal into the bowl, again without the 'good morning.' Then he went to the refrigerator to get the milk. He rummaged for a few minutes. _

_And rummaged again. But that was all. _

"_There's no milk." Sasuke deadpanned. "Why did you finish it?" _

_Kakashi blinked. "I had a bad dream last night and couldn't get back to sleep."_

"_So you drank milk?"_

"_I suppose I did."_

"_If you saw that there wasn't so much left, why didn't you leave it? Or go buy more yesterday?"_

_Kakashi grumbled. "I didn't think of it. Sorry for having job."_

"_Oh, you didn't think of it? What, should I have?" Sasuke shot back. _

"_Well, why didn't you? You have an allowance, you could have just asked me to pay it back!" Kakashi was getting ready to yell. "It's too early for this, Sasuke! Get over it! Make yourself some toast or something!" _

_Sasuke glared. His cheeks flushed and he felt something pushing at his eyes; he recalled the feeling as tears. He hadn't cried in a long time. _

_Rather, he didn't cry often; but it was always over a trivial matter. Because he himself had gotten out of hand. _

"_Fine," Sasuke muttered, looking away. "I'm not hungry anyway." _

_He poured the Special K back into the box, and strode quickly back to his room. Bad hair or not, he would take to subway to school today. _

_-_

Naruto called Genma during lunch. The blonde pervert was delighted to fix Sasuke's bad hair, and everyone was content not to know who had done the cut in the first place.

Sasuke kept his hood up on the way; Lee was trotting along merrily, showing off his 'new look.'

"We can go look for clothes on Saturday," Naruto was telling him.

Some older women ooh'd at the two pretty boys, their eyes passing over Sasuke, dismissing him as a thug or drug addict.

"Sasuke, we can get Shikamaru to go along too, since we still need to work on the project." Naruto poked Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke blushed; he hadn't been paying attention.

"Maybe you're partners should come along too, Lee?" Naruto switched his attention back to Lee.

This time Sasuke flushed out of anger. Considering how reclusive Naruto had been when he first arrived, he was very flighty with people he knew.

And he was also seemed to play hard to get with everyone who seemed to like him-as soon as Shikamaru and he had started to battle for his affections, however slightly, Naruto suddenly seemed to become friends with a lot of new guys.

That kid, Neji, and Lee-they all seemed to be spending a lot of time around Naruto recently.

-

There was an apartment in America. It was shared by two boys attending the same college; finals were coming up soon, and then the semester would be over.

The boy sat down heavily. If exams were soon, that meant that soon it would be time to head home. His scholarship would be over, and he would have graduated.

His roommate stuck his head into the boys room and spoke in heavily accented japanese. The boy answered fluently; no, thank you, but he wasn't in the mood for pizza and beer with the guys. He would stay home and study. Maybe fix ramen, or order takeout.

The brunette roommate shrugged as if giving up a lost cause, as if his roommate hadn't joined him at the parties before.

The boy gave his roommate a dry glare, and commented that he needed to study as well, he had been slacking off recently.

The roommate spluttered before pointing and yelling something in english; the boy grinned and the roommate laughed easily. The roommate left and the boy turned on the desk lamp before closing the shades on his window to block out the city noises.

Once again, he sat down heavily and his eyes bored into the thick texts.

Soon it would be time to head home. What home meant, he wasn't sure.

-

Genma wet Sasuke's hair gleefully. "I can't believe you took Naru-chan so seriously! It's so funny!" the blonde man chortled.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. He wished he weren't allowed to see like Lee; Genma-san's laughing face was almost too much to bear. He was glad when Genma began to snip at the bad cut and he had to close his eyes so he wouldn't get hair in them.

Naru-chan clapped gleefully but Sasuke refused to deepen his scowl for fear that Genma-san might accidentally snip off a piece of his ear by accident.

Shikamaru sighed because he was bored. Lee was impatient because he wanted to get ready for the dance.

Why he was so impatient, nobody knew, for the dance wasn't for another two weeks. The New Years Dance.

And for some reason, Naruto and his imaginary friend felt uneasy and apprehensive. Something would happen, their instinct told them, something big. But what it was, only one other man knew.

-

Sakura sat at her desk, eying the documents that she had paid a ridiculous sum of money to acquire. Normally, she wouldn't pay money simply to read; at any rate, she would have been very upset at losing the money, synonymous with the ability to by clothes and hair stylings and the like.

But she felt pleased, because soon Sasuke would be separated from the annoying Umino-san and Ino-pig would be all alone again.

She had this important information; all she needed to do was wait for the right opportunity to reveal itself. As it happened, such an opportunity was coming up; in about two weeks, to be precise.

TBC

Well, guys. About Sasuke's hair–it's the truth. That's what would happen. Sorry to burst your bubbles.

Anyway, I found it necessary to post this chapter a day early because tomorrow night I'm otherwise occupied...apparently...even though _I _certainly wasn't informed until recently...huh.

Please review! My inbox is hoooongryyyyy...


	17. Bathroom Fun?

Anou...etou...I'm very sorry for taking so long! You see, I was distracted, and then when I finished wouldn't let me post...grr

A REVIEW OF HUNTER X HUNTER! (Yes that would be the reason I haven't updated or checked my email) Read if you please, I want this series to have a larger fanbase! It's waaay better than Naruto as a series. (Well that's in my opinion)

A very intriguing storyline! By the guy who did yuyu hakusho. Don't be put off by the art in the first chapter of the manga, it stays bad...and every so often, gets worse. Grr. I guess he was short on ideas and had to meet deadlines? Anyway, the lineart isn't nearly as good as yuyu hakusho, and actually reminded me a little bit of disney. Few halftones are used, so it's mostly black and white. This makes for an unpleasant experience when the artist gets lazy and uses forest background-tones, which are fuzzy and use a lot of gray! It also pisses me off. Geez, it's not that hard to sketch in a few leaves and branches! And it looks better, too! steams HOWEVER! The anime is great! Wonderful animation, and the music blends in very well. The anime fleshes out some scenes and elaborates on the character backgrounds, and Gon is absolutely adorable! kyaaas kyaas for senritsu and kurapica too It has it's share of shounen ai fanservice (well, about as much as Naruto) and there are few girls, so the annoying token girls to satisfy the femmes are nil. (No offense to y'all girls in the audience) (wait, I'm a girl!) So watch the anime, you can find all of it on animeepisodes as well as the OVA and can probably find a download of GI somewhere (it was licensed recently.)

Once you watch the anime, you can go back and read the manga and it will seem much better, and continue onto the CA arc which (rumors say) will be made into an anime someday!

Phew. On with the fic!

Disclaimer: this section is a waste of space

Chapter 17: Bathroom Fun?

Roommate came in again. Please, please, let me see your notes! James hid them and spilled beer on them by accident!

Come on, buddy! Please? You know I'd do the same for you!

The boy sighed. When he had first arrived, he would have replied with a cool stare. A, what, you really expect me to do that? look.

This time he gave in. He had memorized the notes anyway, so photocopy them and give them back.

The roommate was ecstatic. Thank you, I won't forget it! he said. The boy had stopped listening. He had to study more, memorize more.

This was his last year here; he was twenty-two now, four-year college over. It was winter, so he didn't have to worry about his sports scholarship. But he had vowed to maintain a 4.0 for the entire time; his pride wouldn't allow anything less.

Everyone had said he was a genius.

-

"Sasu-niii!"

Sasuke felt wrinkles form around his eyes and his lips turn down. He stiffly turned around.

"Sasu-nii? Why?" he struggled to force the words out.

"Because..." Naruto sang. Sasuke's mouth thinned more, if possible.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "You have the same haircut as Iruka-san. His foster father. Minus the ponytail."

"Mou, you ruined it, Shikamaru-kun!" Naruto made goopy eyes at Shikamaru. "He would have been so surprised, too."

"Surprised?" Sasuke repeated cautiously.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes again. "We're going to stay at Naruto's apartment over the weekend. For that dumb project at stuff."

Naruto slunk up to Shikamaru's side and poked him. "Ne, ne, Shika-kun, don't forget, we're going to dress you up, and Lee-kun will come over and we'll go shopping with him too and we'll get Sasuke and Ino-chan and Hinata-chan something to wear too for the dance!"

"Heh?" Shikamaru snorted. "I'm not going to the dance!"

Naruto frowned. "Yes you are."

"No. No I'm not." Shikamaru tried to walk away but Naruto lunged after his arm.

"Yeeeeeees..."

"Iiiieeeeee!"

Sasuke turned around very slowly. He decided to talk to Kakashi, maybe he could arrange to be grounded or something, so he wouldn't have to go. Or he could hang Kakashi's underwear from the window, that might make him mad—

Shikamaru was still trying to escape from Naruto when Sasuke had run away into the classroom.

"Sasuke-kun"

_Nuooooo! Not Sakura! _Sasuke thought desperately. _Bathroom! She won't go in there!_

"Do you have a date for the dance, Sasuke-kun?"

"Y-yyeah!" _Get away! I like, I like---- _

Sakura looked disappointed. "Oh? Who is it, Sasuke?" Naruto had managed to drag Shikamaru into the classroom. Ino had shown up, along with Lee, to help.

Sasuke's eyes flicked to the door and back to Sakura. _Ummmm..._ Sasuke made a serious face and turned to the door.

"Sasuke? Where are you going?"

Sasuke stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Pee."

Sakura backed up. "O-ok, you do that then, Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke darted for the door, down the halll, and into the bathroom to lock himself in the one stall.

Had he...almost thought _that _in front of a girl? That he _liked _Naruto? No, that would be absolutely dangerous—once you made eye contact with a maniac like Sakura, she could immediately tell what you were thinking.

At any rate, he absolutely could _not _go to that dance, he would be swarmed by the girls and thereby unable to spend time with his sweet but cruel Naru-chan–

"Gaah! I really hate public bathrooms!"

"Naruto, this is a school bathroom." Shikamaru's exasperated voice resonated off of the tiles. "Why did I have to come with you? We're not girls."

"Soooorry. But I drank a lot of juice this morning without thinking, and I don't feel safe in bathrooms with more than on toilet." Naruto whined.

"It's weird! Two guys do not go to the bathroom together!"

"Well, duh, don't look! Geez, Shikamaru, that's obvious!"

Shikamaru grunted. "Well then, princess, I'll wait outside and guard the door."

Sasuke heard the soft sound of school shoes on tile. "Hum? I thought Sasuke was in here, though." Naruto wondered. Shikamaru paused at the door.

For a moment, Sasuke's heart stopped beating. _W-whatshouldIdo, whatshouldIdo–_

Naruto began to bend over to see if there were any feet. Sasuke's heart resumed it's meager tempo. He flushed the toilet, unzipped and re-zipped his fly, and opened the door.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Sasuke worded contemptuously. "You can't just look under the stalls, if nobody were in there, the door would be open."

"Ara?" Naruto stopped, bent over halfway. Shikamaru sighed and leaned back to watch.

"Na, Sasuke, what were you doing in the stall anyway? It doesn't sm-" Naruto began to smile gleefully.

"I was peeing! I don't like public bathrooms either, princess!" Sasuke stomped over to the sinks and rinsed his hands before brushing past Shikamaru in his haste to leave.

"Well?"

"Shikamaru, you have to leave too. Keep watch!"

Naruto smiled as Shikamaru left the boy's bathroom. Silly Sasuke, he shouldn't use that stall because of such misconceptions.

-

Well, that had been Thursday. A bad day, in Sasuke's easily miffed opinion. And Friday was no better.

"Sasu-nii, hurry, hurry, we're going to my house to meet Iruka-nii!" Naruto chirped.

Sasuke was unthrilled. "Gosh darn. I forgot my clothes." He tilted his head away with a tiny, emotionless smile. "Oh. Whatever will I do. I suppose I must only go for a little while to complete my third of the project, then leave." He deadpanned.

"Mou! Sasu-nii!" Naruto pouted.

"Oh, no you don't." Shikamaru glared ominously. "Ne, Naruto-chan, we can accompany him to his house to retrieve his belongings, can't we?"

"Accompany, accompany!" Naruto clapped his hands gleefully.

Sasuke sweated. "Let's not and say we didn't."

"How dare you, Sasuke." Shikamaru scolded. "Trying to shirk responsibility!"

Naruto gazed at Shikamaru in amazment. "Wow, Shikamaru-sama!"

"My mom's a real hardass. I learned it from her." Shikamaru crossed in arms in satisfaction.

Naruto's baby blue's shone. "I wonder what it's like to live with a woman in the house?"

"I don't want to know what it would be like with a woman in my house," Sasuke muttered. _I'd never get any sleep–the noises would never end!_

"Oh?"

"Sasuke, we're coming with you."

"God damn."

-

Iruka panicked. Any minute now, and the boys would be back from school. And he hadn't even begun to clean up from work!

Naruto would probably expect Iruka to have cookies and tea ready for them, and he would come home to find–to find—to find---------

Porn. Porn everywhere. Jiraya-sama's rough drafts, scattered about. Boobies on every sheet. Penises on every paper- porno magazines to be used as reference shots, inspiration, naked men and women going at it–and...

Oh no! Naruto would be scarred for life, to find out what Iruka did in his free time! How he earned their extra pocket money–

For of course, in their family, Iruka didn't need to work, money was wired to him from father and grandfather every month (his father, of course, was the favorite son, and in turn, Iruka the favorite grandson.) But Iruka did this job because he liked it-

Did that make him a pervert? Yes, he supposed it did. Did Naruto know that Iruka was a pervert?

Yes, probably so. After all, Naruto had grown up in an environment that made him entirely sensitive to perversion. He probably didn't care that Iruka was a closet pervert because Iruka didn't go for lola-shota or boys.

Yes, Iruka was a manly man, he liked the full-chested type, the double F's (AN: ouch) and the slender waist and the curvaceous hips.

But he had to clean this up! Not only that, he had to bake cookies and make tea and vacuum and get out blankets and pillows for the guests that were spending the night! And go shopping for dinner (well maybe they could just order pizza) and for breakfast so Naruto could show that he had a foster father to be proud of!

Iruka went on auto-pilot and sped around the apartment so fast that there were afterimages. It was just too bad that while that was going on, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Sasuke were standing on the crowded subway train heading in the opposite direction.

TBC

Again, sorry for being such an erratic updater (and a liar at that!) WATCH HUNTER X HUNTER! If you so choose to. It really is a good series.

And please don't forget to review.

A word from my muses. They are our two favorite characters from Animal X.

Yuuji: A guy tried to rape me again, Minato.

Minato: ...is this my fault...he's been raped three times since we've been together...

Yuuji: Yep. It's all you damn dinosauroid's fault. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been turned into he-she.

Minato: Yeah...you do reek of girl, Yuuji-chan.

Ahem, yes, Yuuji gets raped far too often. Ami Sugimoto-sensei, too many rape things is a bad thing (unless it's manga p0rn. Did I say that?)


End file.
